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Sleep & School

NAS88860

Hello, this is my first ever post. I wrote as a reply in another discussion and then realised that maybe I should have posted it as a start.

Our daughter is 15 and struggles to sleep. Melatonin didn't prove effective so she's now on an antihistamine based medication. This is definitely more effective. The problem is, she is absolutely addicted to her mobile phone, but would deny it. She says that she's tried on numerous occasions putting it down and just lies awake, so goes to her phone as a distraction. I should have said that she also has ADHD. Routinely she reports not falling asleep until 1-2am and therefore if she has no commitments she will not get up until lunchtime or early afternoon. 

Our worry is after a long period of not being able to cope at mainstream school or engage in her learning and having online lessons at home at the end of last term, her school have explained that due to all the strategies tried this is really the end of the road. They have been very supportive and tried many different ideas but we all believe that mainstream is just not the right provision for her. 

Sadly, alternative suitable provision is non-existent and our daughter asked to be allowed to return full time. The school were reluctant but she was so angry and upset that we asked that she be allowed to try. She's attended for 3 days successfully which is a huge achievement but in truth we are shocked and on tenterhooks as we're very worried she'll burnout, which she's done before. 

I believe that her anxiety about changing schools (if there was one) means that she is working hard to mask and cope as she is desperate not to change schools or be placed into specialist provision for school refusers. 

Has anyone else experienced this type of sudden (on the surface) improvement? Any guidance would be very much appreciated.

Thank you.

Parents

  • Difficult to tell. I have managed to pull myself together and act like I was fine and have functioned in a demanding job when I was falling apart on all sides (physical health, mental health, burnout, complete exhaustion). I managed to keep this up for months but eventually just couldn't anymore. However sometimes, when not in an utter state of exhaustion it can also help to get going again and this gives energy, even though it is exhausting too. It really depends on how much energy you have and how much energy you expend- if long-term you are expending more energy masking, and pulling it together than you manage to regain, then it's not good. I would see how it goes- make sure she has plenty of down time. It is positive that she doesn't want to change school. It always helps when you have your mind set on something- I was in the opposite situation, I had an opportunity to change school aged 11 and I really wanted to and that helped a lot. It sounds like going back to her school is what she really wants, so that is already a big win. 

    I can also relate to issues with sleep, I always struggled with mornings, and as a teenager your daughter's age I regularly slept until noon on days off/ vacations. I recently had a lot of issues with insomnia though (only getting 3-4 hours sleep) and I've not really figured out how to improve it- I tried all the logical things (reduce caffeine, audiobooks, meditation etc etc) but I think there are so many factors- I actually recently moved to a place I feel very comfortable in and I am sleeping so well in my new room - not sure if it is because I feel more relaxed and happier or if there is something about the room, the light, the sounds that is better... I also have a tendency to go to my phone for distraction, which is probably not the best- are there alternatives she can try? I find audiobooks helpful (put a sleep timer), though they stopped helping eventually.

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  • Difficult to tell. I have managed to pull myself together and act like I was fine and have functioned in a demanding job when I was falling apart on all sides (physical health, mental health, burnout, complete exhaustion). I managed to keep this up for months but eventually just couldn't anymore. However sometimes, when not in an utter state of exhaustion it can also help to get going again and this gives energy, even though it is exhausting too. It really depends on how much energy you have and how much energy you expend- if long-term you are expending more energy masking, and pulling it together than you manage to regain, then it's not good. I would see how it goes- make sure she has plenty of down time. It is positive that she doesn't want to change school. It always helps when you have your mind set on something- I was in the opposite situation, I had an opportunity to change school aged 11 and I really wanted to and that helped a lot. It sounds like going back to her school is what she really wants, so that is already a big win. 

    I can also relate to issues with sleep, I always struggled with mornings, and as a teenager your daughter's age I regularly slept until noon on days off/ vacations. I recently had a lot of issues with insomnia though (only getting 3-4 hours sleep) and I've not really figured out how to improve it- I tried all the logical things (reduce caffeine, audiobooks, meditation etc etc) but I think there are so many factors- I actually recently moved to a place I feel very comfortable in and I am sleeping so well in my new room - not sure if it is because I feel more relaxed and happier or if there is something about the room, the light, the sounds that is better... I also have a tendency to go to my phone for distraction, which is probably not the best- are there alternatives she can try? I find audiobooks helpful (put a sleep timer), though they stopped helping eventually.

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