Having an Autistic Partner…

Are there any specific issues? Autistic people show different combinations of traits and to different degrees so it’s quite hard to give generic advice

Not able to show emotion, that he cares, respecting boundaries, and very defensive when trying to talk about how we communicate.

Neurotypical people tend to need reassurances about relationships that seem superfluous to most autistics. Once a relationship is acknowledged, autistic people tend to view it as fixed and unchanging, "I told you I love you, why do I need to say so again?" It often that autistic people feel other people's distress too much, and shut down to some extent; because they cannot cope with the feeling, they then come across as being cold, when the opposite is true.

Neurotypical people tend to need reassurances about relationships that seem superfluous to most autistics. Once a relationship is acknowledged, autistic people tend to view it as fixed and unchanging, "I told you I love you, why do I need to say so again?" It often that autistic people feel other people's distress too much, and shut down to some extent; because they cannot cope with the feeling, they then come across as being cold, when the opposite is true.

Yes, it is best to be direct. If you expect the average autist to pick up on a hint, you will probably be disappointed.

I am just trying to get my head around that Martin…getting there. I ask for reassurance when I need it and he knows I need it so will give it.