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Wife has Apserger's Syndrome

2scarredhands

Hello! Bit nervous being here.

I know for a fact that my wife has Aspergers. She has very poor social skills and has only 1 friend. It is putting a strain on our marriage.

She has never been diagnosed. I mentioned to her once that I thought she had Apsergers but she denies she has. Talking with her is very tough as she is unable to have a discussuin without getting volatile. 

Any suggestions as to my next move?

  • Educate yourself as much as possible regarding AS. If you are convinced then you are going to have to convince your wife that it needs exploring. Then visit your Dr and get a referal to an AS specialist.  getting a diagnosis can be a long process and may require a degree of determination.

    Have you had any counselling as a couple as you indicated that the problem is the 'strain on your marriage'. Any counselling would be most benificial if it is from sommeone who is experienced with AS (assuming that your wife has AS).

    By learning about AS yourself will give you an understanding that in itself will be helpful to a relationship. Getting a diagnosis is a bit like getting a new rule book. I only got an official diagnosis last year but it has really helped both me and my partners relationship.

    Also, consider what the reasons would be for getting a diagnosis. How would you and your wife benifit?

    Aspergers or not, it sounds like you need some help with insight.

    You said ' I mentioned to her once that I thought she had Apsergers but she denies she has'. Why do you think she has and why does she think she hasn't?

    Good luck :-)

  • Hi - this sounds like a difficult situation but really, if you feel that strongly that Asperger's is the problem and it's putting a strain on your marriage, you do need to talk to her about getting a diagnosis. I mean, I've never been married (I'm 16!) and I have Asperger's so I probably don't have a clue, and I'm sure it is difficult that she gets volatile, but I'll still try and give some advice. Firstly, she might not have Asperger's - she could have mental health problems, or her problems may even be a result of an event/events that have occured in her life (but I'm sure you'd know about that as her husband). Maybe if it would upset her, you could speak to a doctor on your own, say you're very concerned about her, describe her symptoms etc. and they will give you more advice on where to go next. However, there will come a point where she'll have to choose whether she gets the help and understanding she deserves, and if she's really against it and there's nothing you can do to make her more open to the idea, then you'll probably just have to accept it and her as she is. But it does sound difficult - if her social skills are as poor as you say, then she probably does need some help, whether you're right about her having AS or not. Hope I helped.