Asperger's Diagnosis in Adult Life

I havn't been diagnosed. But feel confused from an identity perspective.

I agree with lots what you say tarby. It is deffinatell better to find out late than not at all. I am always puzzled when I read that a Dr may not diagnose AS becasue there are no services or the person seems to be 'coping' at the time. I too feel that if i was diagnosed a little earlier I  might have fared better in terms of career and social life. I might have been happier.

tarbyonline said:

My attitude from diagnosis is to just be happy with what I have got but also to try and make life easier for myself. 

That makes sense and I too now try to make things easier for myself. I still challenge myself but I also try change what expectations I have of myself - its not so easy for other people to change their expectations of me though and that in itself really does cause me stress as I try to match those expectations.

I was diagnosed at 29 and view it as a good thing and a bad thing.  I'm glad because I think if I had been diagnosed as a child I would have been labelled and not encouraged (and sometimes forced) to do things - I certainly wouldn't have gone into retail or studied management and become a supervisor in a supermarket for a number of years!  It would have been too easy to sit back and not put the extra effort in as nobody would have expected me to due to my diagnosis.

However if I had been diagnosed earlier I could have avoided a lot of problems, would have learned how to cope instead of blaming myself and maybe even would have avoided my suicidal spells.  I might have had access to specialist training while at school to better prepare me for the real world rather than having to learn the hard way.  Then again I probably wouldn't have had any of these as even now with AS being quite well known it is hard to get access to such support.  My attitude from diagnosis is to just be happy with what I have got but also to try and make life easier for myself.  Unfortunately there are many both on and not on the autistic spectrum who are worse of than me as well as many who are undiagnosed, misunderstood, and who blame themselves.  Better to find out late than never

Thanks for your input Kaspersky and Stonechat. :)

I still have quite mixed/confused feelings about my diagnosis  - maybe more so as the whole process was such a challenge. I now feel less angry about the late diagnosis.

Hi Stonechat,

I can only agree with your comments, especially about the 'get out of jail free card'. At the moment though I am still trying to get over a lot of anger so I probably wont be making too many comments.

Hi Kaspersky

I also paid and travelled -after years of being fobbed off with pills and various wrong diagnosis from my own GP practice.  I researched my signs and symptoms and when I eventually got my diagnosis for AS was so pleased that I knew at last what the difference in me was. 

Having the AS officially confirmed was vital for me.  There is a huge leap from knowing from self-diagnosis and having a professional carry out the appropriate assessment and confirm that. What I have now is what True Colors so beautifully described as A Get Out Of Jail Free Card.

If there are difficulties in life caused by my AS, I can now officially say so. 

On the issue of bullying and abuse - this is one of the really awful sides to having the condition. I still find it difficult to deal with - even though I am in my fifties and the worst of the abuse happened at school.  I think the effects never go away, especially as the effects are often 'topped-up' by abuse in the workplace.

At least with that Get Out Of Jail Free Card, I have the reason for why I couldn't cope with it and why I had no idea of how to react at the time. I guess part of you always thinks it was your own fault - whereas the diagnosis proves that it wasn't. No need to blame myself for that any more.

In that respect you are right Kaspersky - a diagnosis is necessary to prevent further harm.

Hi Jon,

I was just diagnosed with asperger's yesterday at the age of 63. Trying to get a diagnosis was tricky to say the least as it took me some weeks of being (probably unintentionally patronised) before I found out my County could not diagnose. So I paid and travelled. Initially I was relieved (it was a hell of a job pushing past obstacles not even sure what the eventual diagnosis might be).

Then came the realisation (of course) that nothing was 'different' and I was a fool for not knowing that I was AS anyway. Then anger that too much of my life had been a catalogue of being bullied, ignored or abused.

  My compensation is one I took for myself, as being of the generation to access drugs I took some steps to treat myself - and I believe many other people did the same including some of the more famous. But it was and is a potentially dangerous strategem though not, I believe, a more dangerous one than misdiagnosis or the 'pushing' of many of the modern legal medications. The problem with these issues is another one which is rarely properly addressed, and that is the abuse to which all poeple who are vulnerable in our society for all sorts of reasons are likely to come across. This surely is the real reason why obtaining a diagnosis is not just a good idea but vitally necessary to prevent further harm.

I thoroughly agree with you Jon

I think that if you have the condition you should be diagnosed with it, even if you do not need professional support at that time. Because you appear to be coping on the surface, is not a good reason to withhold a diagnosis. 

Think of other things people get where they 'cope', but still get a diagnosis because they do actually have the condition.

My diagnosis has been fantastic for me - I can understand myself, know what I am dealing with and alter my life accordingly day to day. I have been so much better since learning why I was different - even though I don't feel right now that I need any professional help.

Of course there is a point in diagnosing people even if they seem to be coping - after all, those clinicians are not inside the AS head and cannot 'know' what it is like have the condition and how much 'coping' takes out of you. 

Daisy12345 said:

My GP said, a lot of people have Asperger Syndrome who are not assessed because they can cope. They only assess you if you need support, otherwise, according to my GP, there is no point.

I am not sure if I agree with you GP. There would still be a point in a daignosis if only for people to acyaully gain insight from understanding themselves. From the outside someone may be seen to be 'coping'.

My personal opinion and experience is however is actually struggling with relationships, the workplace, education, everyday living and engaging with society. with general. This in turn leads to unhappiness. I wonder if your GP differentiates between the ability to 'just about manage' and 'coping'? 

I don't think its at all fair to wait until someone is not coping so much that it requires clinical intervention - especially when that intervention would probably mean wiating a year for a referal and no support services anyhow.

By diagnosing someone correctly it means that they can move frowards in there life and are in a better place to help themselves.

My GP said, a lot of people have Asperger Syndrome who are not assessed because they can cope. They only assess you if you need support, otherwise, according to my GP, there is no point.

Silver100 said:

Hi Jon, yes I am much happier now and discovering what I like instead of trying to fit other people's ideas and way of being. How are things with you at the moment?

That good to hear. Sometimes its a battle tying to do what you want in the world. I am 'OK' at the moment. Still off work. Trying to keep organised and focused and motivated. I am a bit confused why on some days something will excite and mean something to me (sort of 'feeling' it, like with music) and on other days it means nothing and it does not make me feel good, even though I am putting in the time and effort.

Hi Jon, yes I am much happier now and discovering what I like instead of trying to fit other people's ideas and way of being. How are things with you at the moment?

Hey Hope, Siver100, True Colours. Its nice to hear your thoughts and perspectives. I relate to what you are saying.

Do people feel different about their lives and future since their diagnosis?

Silver100 are you happier now and moving in a direction you are happy with? eg not doing the 'wrong sort of work'?

I feel sad more than angry. I cannot really blame either the system or individuals if it is not known about.  What I do feel angry about is the intolerance in society, we shouldn't need a label before people stop and thing why might this person be behaving this way? I felt very angry for decades with the head teacher at my secondary school for just dismissing me as a "trouble maker" when anybody with an ounce of sense would have seen I was in great distress.

I feel sad about the wasted decades  I went into totally the wrong kind of work which caused a great deal of difficulty for other people as well as me.  The years I have worked have been very costly on my health. I could have had a more constructive and happier life if I had known when I was younger. 

I often feel angry about this. Looking back over my life, I can see I was classic Aspergers (as I still am, but I have learnt how to camouflage it).

I had intense and narrow interests

Had problems making friends and relating to people in an appropriate way

Had poor motor skills in some areas, and coordination difficulties

Walked on tip toes

Had severe tantrums that persisted into early adulthood

OCD behaviours and obsession with perfection and order

Need for routine

Academic difficulties

Hyperactivity

All the symptoms were there, and the school had concerns. So much so, that an Ed Psychologist assessed me when I was 10 years old, and the school were advised to get me statemented. This never happened because the school could not be bothered, and only cared about their bright pupils. Secondary school were not much better.

I am now so good at masking my problems that people are often shocked when I tell them I have Aspergers - how am I supposed to look like, then?!. But I still have profound difficulties, chronic anxiety, and OCD. I have become a lot better at relating to people, but the longer I am with someone, the more the Aspergers begins to show. I am just very good at acting!. So I share your frustration, Jon, and am angry that the school did not pick it up.

I was only diagnosed 4 years ago, and I had to initiate the referral. My parents have always had a strong inkling about me being 'slightly autistic', but they never pursued it.