Diagnosis catch 22

You might also try emailing the NAS about a psychologist that does adult assessments in your region. The independents are not all on the public part of the database, and at least some, take NHS referrals. So if your doctor says there isn't anyone in the area then you can ask if you can be referred to the person you have found.

I agree with barking about the sense of humour. Check out the thread on comedy programmes.

I think Silver's suggestion of writing a letter is a good one but it may not solve the basic problem: it is very difficult to get adult diagnosis because there isn't sufficient provision countrywide.  If you're living somewhere where there isn't any (I live in Essex and it's night on impossible despite some people working very hard to try and change that) this effectively means that even if your GP were prepared to recognise your need for assessment and diagnosis, there is not likely to be anywhere he/she can send you for that assessment.

I'm sure you must find it extremely difficult to deal with people telling you, essentially, to grow up and get on with it.  I think you already know that you should limit interaction with anyone with this attitude as much as feasibly possible.  You cannot make someone who doesn't want to understand, understand!  

I would ask you how much you have read.  One of the things that helped me to accept my situation and move forward with a different outlook was reading other people's experiences.  If you have read a lot, then sorry for stating the obvious, but if you haven't, please read Aspergirls by Rudy Simone.  I found myself in that book and my world finally made sense.  It didn't make it any better but at least I wasn't flailing around wondering what on earth was happening anymore!  

A sense of humour is commonly believed to be absent in people with ASD/HFA.  This is not, in my experience, accurate.  In our house we like to think that our sense of humour is simply more 'intellectual' since we are punning masters who have enormous fun with words and use sarcasm like the sharpened blade it can be!  We don't respond well to inanity.  That doesn't mean we have no sense of humour: simply that we have a "different" sense of humour to a lot of people we come across.  Never unerestimate the joy that comes when you finally gather a few people into your life who "get it".

I also found that reading about others like me made me treat myself more gently.  I am less inclined to revert immediately to "what's wrong with me?"-type thoughts now and more likely to think "ah! I see what happened there - oh well!".  Self-esteem is hard to come by when you've been walking through life with people looking at you like you're an alien but self-educating allows you look at yourself differently.  My favourite analogy is that you would not beat yourself up for being misunderstood in China - you would go out and learn Chinese.  By the same token, once you accept that you're speaking a different language, you can choose whether or not to stick the Babel Fish in your ear: that gives you power which leads ultimately to self-esteem.

Trust yourself.  I understand the need for a name: naming something makes it smaller because it is no longer an unknown to be feared.  But if you are unlikely to be able to have someone do that for you, you need to use your intellect (which is clearly not impaired) to do it for yourself.

In my opinion - obviously!

elsing, could you write a letter to your doctor prior to making an appointment to visit? I have found this helps because I too find that when I get there I don't say what I had planned and am thrown by what they say.  Make it clear that you would like to be refered for a diagnosis and give the doctor examples of the things that say to you that you are on the spectrum, like you have here. Don't make it too long.

I would suggest you have a copy with you that you can hand over if necessary.

I used to go to night classes and groups but I never made any friends that way. People either went with a friend or they just wanted to do the activity.  I agree with hohner that just listening to people is something they value.

Quote "To be fair I have divuluged from the topic of assesment but if anything that I have said can be used to help me ask for help then perhaps it is still relavent."

Choose you relevance and know the relevance value of others, I am like you,, I side track the conversation, or spiral down too deep for others. I am learning to keep what is relevant necessary in my mind at all times and know what is relevant to others "at the time of relevance",, that is the most important part it creates a bond of relevance and then friendship building.

I want to talk to people about a thousand things under the sun in communication but 99% of my conversation is not relevant, so I just listen now and reply in relevant mode, it actual takes the pressure of me in a social situation. Giving people more relevance  

Hi Elsing

You put into words something like how I felt/feel. I have been diagnosed with Aspergers/HFA but so few people understand it that even communicating the diagnosis is hard - it's difficult to find a doctor who acknowledges it yet alone can help me with it. I have an autism outreach worker now who works with anyone on the spectrum regardless of whether they have an official diagnosis - anything like that in your area?

To be fair I have divuluged from the topic of assesment but if anything that I have said can be used to help me ask for help then perhaps it is still relavent.

Thank you for your response hohner, I appreciate that you immediately recognised many of my troubles, those I had not even written.

The original post is more about getting my Dr to understand and listen, I often find they don’t. 

I am an adult, that couldn't be clearer to me, every exchange I have with my family is loaded with reminders I am not living like an adult is expected too. My inner voice tells me the same.

I should indeed find a small role in a high interest area and branch out (other people put it this way - make friends) I know , I KNOW THIS , sorry , you see people have been telling me this for year upon year upon year, but no one ever told me how. The find common ground thing must work for the people who wrote it but not me. I used to picture that I missed the day at school when everyone stood in a line and had magic words whispered in their ear, words that taught them to make friends. I was convinced that was true.

I want to take your advice about conversation so much, I just lose words when I try or I jump in when i shouldn't and I don't respond when I should (I’m told). This is more than just shyness, I have been shy I am not shy anymore, I know the difference.

I get myself involved in lots of creative activities, if I see a free course I sign up to it, I cannot afford the paid ones, I volunteer admin for a charity, yet I never connect so I never more forward. I know where the fish are kept but I need help getting hold of a net.

Elsing take an adult approach, find what is relevant to you and the people around you so you can communicate with a crossover conversation(i.e the way you talk here about Aspergers, I have Aspergers, so I reply).

Your string of security from your mum and boyfriend, should be making you more confident in social situations and be a baseline to move forward, if not your relationship with your mum and boyfriend are just negative cognitive attachment securities, it is what you know,, so you need to get a new outsider imput so you can form a new adult role in the world.

There is a lot of positive in your post,, as you are looking out the window,, you just need a bit of support to make the steps towards a new horizon without falling back into old traits. Aspies are functional minded, find a new small adult role in a high interest area, art, drawing, photograph, history and seed from there, slowly.