How do I communicate that I have a problem with communication?
I have read the article on how to discus with a Dr but still anxious about having this conversation.
I have a real problem too, being over spoken, as verbally I forget the use of language, especially when something does not go in the direction I expect it too.
I have made and cancelled many appointments to discus the possibility that I may have Asperger’s with my GP. But when I have managed get there I have just talked about depression and anxiety.
It all ends up coming back to the same thing; I have a thyroid gland that does not function at all and most of the time I don’t take my medication. A symptom of this behaviour can be anxiety and depression. I'm told to go away, take your medication and if you still feel the same way then come back.
I then don’t want to make another appointment because I never managed to get myself together to take my medication. No Dr has ever bothered to look at any written list of symptoms I have ever produced either.
The thing is when I used to live with my mum and she was militant about my medication I was still anxious and depressed. I would think I was some kind of freak girl as no one else seemed to have the social communication problems I had, amongst other things.
I think I am actually part of a big awful cycle, a happy, relaxed, person with good personal organisation skills would not ignore their medication but the anxiety of falling apart and failing at everything increasses my not careing about myself enough to even want to try.
I want a diagnosis because I am so unhappy, I want a name for it, Asperger’s seems to fit very well the only area I don’t really fit is understanding jokes and sarcasm metaphore - however I do see much humour where others see no humour and verbally I often use metaphors to explain things but in a way no one can ever grasp.
Taking someone with me is out of the question - mum has no idea I feel this way and is only concerned with comparing my unemployment to my impossibly successful cousins, I am not the Architect I trained to be. The rest of my family have given up - they invite me to family gatherings out of obligation but don’t talk to me or my boyfriend at all. I've never in my life had any friends’. My boyfriend gets it but as it has nothing to do PHP programming he would not speak up for me as passionately as I need him too and would easily be swayed by a fluid speaking GP.
Aged 8 (i'm 28 now) in the years before I believe Asperger’s was widely recognised my primary school head teacher noticed 'something' about me and had me tested. I was considered to be fine and the development consultant told me and mum how very impressed he was in my ability to observed fine details and patters, also he was very intrigued with my interest in drawing blueprints for buildings. I remember this so clearly as he was the man who introduced the word Architect into my vocabulary.
My ‘something’ was then considered to be a result of a childhood trauma I experienced. Should I mention this?
Should I tie my needing for help with the general agenda of trying to get people into employment?
I am not looking for money, my boyfriend earns a reasonable living in a job he adores meaning I can’t apply for benefits anyway. I just need help gaining my own independence socially and financially away from him - as much as I love him. It seems pathetic like I am using a service meant for other people but I can't live like this. I'm not the fool people have said I am yet I can’t seem to cope with life or conversation or mployment but I can’t cope with being dependent on him either.
