Masking Fatigue - Back into the "real world"

Maybe it is a bit like the Physics concept of momentum, it is difficult to get going again (in your case the face to face interactions).  I am finding it tiring as I go back into my workplace more days per week as the lockdown is being lifted.  I am sure that the tiredness will diminish as things go back to normal.

I don't really agree with that - anyone with any self-awareness starts masking directly they realise they don't fit in - normally starting in school to hide in plain sight and avoid bullying.     Girls are better at it - it's why they don't get diagnosed until much later.      

I developed my mask at around 12 - directly I spotted the senior school environment was not the nice, friendly place that junior school was.    It was suddenly well over 1000 kids - and most from some pretty unsavoury estates.     I measured that a big, extrovert persona was the safest option - the bullies prefer quieter kids to pick on.

By being 'big' and being open about the things I was doing, I attracted other kids interested in similar things (RC planes & boats & cars).      These people have been my life-long friends - Im totally convinced they are all undiagnosed aspies too - the software engineer, the senior pilot, the engineering company owner....

Female autistics mask, males don't in general. Its not just you its common among female autistics. Might even occur in males but its much less frequent

I can cope with normies fine. However, when anxious, I can excruciate myself.

This afternoon I was in a Post Office to post a Mass Card - for the death of a former Lecturer of mine who died of cancer - and there was an elderly woman in front of me posting several parcels. I found it a challenge to remain calm. However, I can appreciate that it might be her only way of communicating with loved-ones abroad. But I was still having kittens.

Novusalopian said:

Thanks, Deepthought

Glad to have been of some assistance.

Novusalopian said:

I'm glad it's not just me.

It has been a topic of discussion on other sites too.

Novusalopian said:

It's frustrating that I've regressed so much.

Maybe reign-in the goal oriented focus on this one and be "pragmatic" about taking advantage of the situation, remembering that everyone has been thrown somewhat into a strange new "whirled" ~ and many people are quite socially starved and have regressed to an extent themselves, also.

Novusalopian said:

Any tips on getting back into the swing of it without making too many faux pas?

Use social camouflaging a little more in the sense of blending-in and pragmatically go 'heel to toe' and 'heel to toe' with the personal masking ~ so that you edge forward progressively rather than leaping forward and suddenly going faux-pas tastic.

I mean most people have adjusted to authoritarianism to large extent with all the emergency measures covid wise, so as such you might well be able to use your pragmatism to a greater extent (in a progressively conservative sense) and ease into the social swing of things as they develop anew, perhaps

Its such a tricky balance to work out. I know that might be hard because the demands of work might force the pace, but try and make room for as much recovery time as you can where and when you can.  You mentioned you used to get a certain amount of solitary time at work, where you could recover, do you still get that now?

It feels like this has kind of happened to me already. I was only out of work during the 1st lockdown but I was starting to get used to it and even maybe enjoying it with the great weather and so on. The problem was when I did go back it was busier than ever and non-stop, culminating in a massive burn-out at the end of the year lasting over 2 months. I've had burn-outs before but this time it knocked me for six and I was aware of it coming. I had no choice in the matter. 

I realise a lot of people have had more time at home than this or some for the duration of the pandemic but I think I probably would have had the same result as, for me, it was the change of pace form one lifestyle to another. The 1st lockdown seemed like the world had altered to me. No traffic, clear skies, no airplanes, no alarm clocks, walks in nature, great weather and generally quiet & calm. This I'd never experienced before. Like someone had hit the pause button or at least turned the volume down. The world felt more natural and with no obligation to have to work, it felt like a kind of freedom. I could breathe. It made me think of how unfree and stressed we are in normal times without giving a second thought. 

So to go from getting used to the new calm, where I was going to do wonders in my life and plans and then back into full-on, non-stop work and the Hamster wheel again was probably an unconscious shock to the system resulting in burn-out. Maybe the other lockdowns not being taken so seriously may have helped get people more ready for normal but I'm not so sure. I think employers would be wise to be very flexible and understanding in easing those back into full-on or stressful type work over the coming year. 

A 4 day week would be a move in the right direction !

This is exactly what I've experienced - it's far more draining than I remember it being pre-COVID.

That was my conclusion as well. I guess I need to start "exercising" more, just hope I don't burn myself out in the process!

Thanks, Deepthought. I'm glad it's not just me. It's frustrating that I've regressed so much. Any tips on getting back into the swing of it without making too many faux pas?

I haven't had it with work, as I work from home, but the few face-to-face social interactions I've had with friends since the pandemic began have been utterly exhausting. I also had to attend a hospital appointment the other week about face pains, it wasn't anything particularly hard or worrying, but I came back from it completely physically, mentally and emotionally spent, and stayed that way for a couple of days.

I wonder if masking is a little like exercise, if you get out of the habit of it, it'll take you a while to build up the same stamina as you had before? 

Novusalopian said:

Masking seems to take orders of magnitude more effort than it did before lockdown. I realise that this could probably be put down to lack of practise, but it is concerning me.

Has anyone else had this experience? Please tell me it's not just me...

No it is not just you ~ as masking is a social reciprocation requiring therefore personal interactions with other people to remain 'fluent' or 'well practised' in them, as they are not 'natural' processes but rather 'normalised' ones ~ so getting back into the habit of masking after having spent more time than usual out of it is to be expected.

Being on the diagnostic spectrum does of course involve having rather a proclivity for habitually engrained behaviour patterns, also, so there is that as well.  

I'm fortunate in that I'm in the Senior Management Team, so have a degree of job security, and can pass off most slips as me being "pragmatic". Thanks for the advice though. The main point of the post was to ask if anyone else had experienced this since going back to work.

Keep going as long as you can - but you might start to realise the futility of the 'keeping up with the Joneses' way of life.        I was doing ok into my 40s - then it all went to crap because of a bullying manager.  

I agree with your measurement of your position - it will be career suicide if you are forced to declare - but it can gain you an extra couple of years before they figure out how to 'manage you out of the process'. 

I am diagnosed, yes. I didn't find it got worse over the past few years, if anything it got easier with coping mechanisms and learning more about how to deal with things. Lockdown seems to have undone some of that progress.

Telling my workplace about it isn't an option in my role / industry.

Masking gets much harder as you get older - almost exponentially!      You lack the energy in the first place and recovery takes longer.    

Are you diagnosed?     If so, you might want to think carefully about your limitations and work out what workplace adjustments they can put in place so you're still able to succeed at your job.   

You might get 'back in the zone' - but don't bank on it - and 'powering through' could lead to your health collapsing or you burning out.

Good luck and please look after yourself.