I'm socially inept, but I want to make friends online whilst it's impossible for me to make them outdoors. (A skill I don't have either.)
The thing is, I don't know where to find these communities to join, and I don't know how to socialise *at all*. I can't start conversations (I can't come up with anything to say for the life of me, and when I come up with something situational it always fizzles out), make appropriate comments or be likeable. I always get ignored on Reddit when I try to interact socially, so forums are likely a no go.
My interests are really vague and limited and I can't really find any communities with people I share common interests with because of them (gaming/anime/books), and I am absolutely terrible at coming up with what I've heard and seen to be the most important thing for making conversation, questions and small talk. I just can't do it, and I see other people succeed with it.
I used to have a friend who was similar but made loads of friends on Twitter all of a sudden, because according to them it just kind of happened.
I really want to meet new people and form connections with them, but when I can't socialise, and the pure hatred I feel for myself when I ssee and hear other people online with their own friends, making them without a problem, socialising, having people to talk to, it makes me feel like horrible, and I have no motivation to do anything becausr I'm naturally ambiverted I gain my energy from socialising then having my time to myself afterwards. Just my luck that I also happen to suck at socialising and have Aspergers.
TL;DR The only way I can get through this is following my therapists advice and making friends online, throughout Discord or other social platforms (which I don't know how to find and participate in, I only know of the latter because my therapist suggested it to me) I just cn't seem to find communities on there that apply to me or even feel welcome or socialise in those places successfully. I dont ever meet any new people online when people out there are even making friends every single day online.
What do you guys suggest I do?
I have a hard time making friends online. Even in support groups i feel unpopular.
Don't give up on real friends - I've noticed that online people tend to be transient because they often just disappear when their life priorities change.
The easiest way to meet people in real life is to join a special interest group - what nerdy things do you like? There's often local history groups, model societies, book clubs, photography clubs, wildlife groups etc. where you can meet people who are immediately more on your wavelength. There's also bigger national groups like larping/cosplay or Lego & model train societies.
Something I have found is that a lot of the more specialist or technical groups are stuffed full of undiagnosed aspies so it's very easy to talk to them - there's much less stress and social politics so even just sitting silently and listening is perfectly acceptable. The conversations tend to be about a *thing* rather than personal stuff or 'small talk'.
If you like gaming have you tried the multi player online games? Never tried them myself but think you need some kind of headset if you don't have a problem with physically speaking. The conversation willl likely be about the game and the strategy or something rather than random social chit-chat.
Gaming FAQ's boards ...maybe join to ask for a recommendation for a suitable game or headset? (if you don't already own one) or to ask what people are recommending right now on whatever your console is(or PC). ..and start from there?
If anime refers to the japanese anime games you're more likely to find people into those on gaming forums or google it (japanese anime games forum) see what comes up? Some of the gaming communities do meet ups for competitions
Hello, Last year I went to a convention autminds in holland. I met some people from a dutch forum there.
The forum just disappeared this newyear. Just went up in smoke. Just one person I still keep in touch with, but that's more than I would have ever hoped for. She seems to enjoy my cynical view on life, brought as a joke, and I like her advise on gardening and we send each other foto's of the garden. And cats, autists are more likely to be cat-people...
As an autist you might have some hobbies that you really know everything about, if that's gaming, I also like computergames a lot.As a teenager I was adicted to Civilisation I and I still play it from time to time. If I have trouble sleeping, I even think about being in the game and running a sweetly humming empire... kind of smoothens the brainwaves. My favourite rpg is wizardry 8. I played it through about 4 times until now.
What do you mean, you can't socialize, you're doing it :)...
I agree - it's worth having a look at your hobbies/interests and seeing what groups are out there There are also social groups for people who want to make new friendships - I was with a group called Spice for a while and they were great (not sure how old you are, but they have an under 40s group too).
Maybe we could try to game together? I have a really hard time finding friends too.. and I suck at talking to people. And since we both suck at being social there would be no expectations. I dont know. Let me know what you think, if you’d like I can send my discord.
Me too. And I've never tried gaming. I never claim to have a special interest, because I'm so rubbish and lacking in skills that I can't even justify calling something my special interest as it implies being remotely good or knowledgeable and I'm not.
People who are not even interested seem to wipe the floor with me.
If you like gaming or want to try it out, Team Fortress 2 is free and popular. UrbanTerror isn't bad and has a decent community. Destiny 2 is a good large open world shooter that is free to play, but it needs a fairly hefty system to run it and over 100GB of hard drive space. Elder Scrolls Online is ok if you are looking for an MMORPG type game or if you want to ease yourself in, get Skyrim first which is an epic game in itself. Minecraft can be a laugh if you just want to grab some friends and build a village or go mine (I used to run a server some years back).
Be aware that gaming can consume your money very quickly as most modern games need a pretty modern system to run them. Parts are not cheap, although you can skimp in places or use secondhand parts for some things.
If you went for UrbanTerror, have a look at BST|Clan (https://bsturt.info). I am a former member and some of there game maps were made by me. They are friendly, multi-national and fun to play with. They also have there own servers and forums. Oh and learn to jump.
Outside of there, I would put a mask on and just go out. The other day i had a ten minute conversation with a lady at a Sainsburys petrol station about nothing much. But it was enjoyable. Just go and have random conversations for no real reason.
Avoid reddit, discord and facebook. They eat up your time. I almost said are full of scum, but thats mainly reddit and discord, but facebook isnt far behind.
Im sure the various autism groups will restart soon. You could propose that they meet somewhere where you cna social distance but also talk, like a park or somewhere out in the countryside. Pubs are probably going to be offline for a bit longer.