Socialising online?

I'm socially inept, but I want to make friends online whilst it's impossible for me to make them outdoors. (A skill I don't have either.)

The thing is, I don't know where to find these communities to join, and I don't know how to socialise *at all*. I can't start conversations (I can't come up with anything to say for the life of me, and when I come up with something situational it always fizzles out), make appropriate comments or be likeable. I always get ignored on Reddit when I try to interact socially, so forums are likely a no go.

My interests are really vague and limited and I can't really find any communities with people I share common interests with because of them (gaming/anime/books), and I am absolutely terrible at coming up with what I've heard and seen to be the most important thing for making conversation, questions and small talk. I just can't do it, and I see other people succeed with it.

I used to have a friend who was similar but made loads of friends on Twitter all of a sudden, because according to them it just kind of happened.

I really want to meet new people and form connections with them, but when I can't socialise, and the pure hatred I feel for myself when I ssee and hear other people online with their own friends, making them without a problem, socialising, having people to talk to, it makes me feel like horrible, and I have no motivation to do anything becausr I'm naturally ambiverted I gain my energy from socialising then having my time to myself afterwards. Just my luck that I also happen to suck at socialising and have Aspergers.

TL;DR The only way I can get through this is following my therapists advice and making friends online, throughout Discord or other social platforms (which I don't know how to find and participate in, I only know of the latter because my therapist suggested it to me) I just cn't seem to find communities on there that apply to me or even feel welcome or socialise in those places successfully. I dont ever meet any new people online when people out there are even making friends every single day online.

What do you guys suggest I do?

Parents
  • Don't give up on real friends - I've noticed that online people tend to be transient because they often just disappear when their life priorities change.

    The easiest way to meet people in real life is to join a special interest group - what nerdy things do you like?       There's often local history groups, model societies, book clubs, photography clubs, wildlife groups etc. where you can meet people who are immediately more on your wavelength.      There's also bigger national groups like larping/cosplay or Lego & model train societies.

    Something I have found is that a lot of the more specialist or technical groups are stuffed full of undiagnosed aspies so it's very easy to talk to them - there's much less stress and social politics so even just sitting silently and listening is perfectly acceptable.    The conversations tend to be about a *thing* rather than personal stuff or 'small talk'.

Reply
  • Don't give up on real friends - I've noticed that online people tend to be transient because they often just disappear when their life priorities change.

    The easiest way to meet people in real life is to join a special interest group - what nerdy things do you like?       There's often local history groups, model societies, book clubs, photography clubs, wildlife groups etc. where you can meet people who are immediately more on your wavelength.      There's also bigger national groups like larping/cosplay or Lego & model train societies.

    Something I have found is that a lot of the more specialist or technical groups are stuffed full of undiagnosed aspies so it's very easy to talk to them - there's much less stress and social politics so even just sitting silently and listening is perfectly acceptable.    The conversations tend to be about a *thing* rather than personal stuff or 'small talk'.

Children
  • I agree - it's worth having a look at your hobbies/interests and seeing what groups are out there Slight smile There are also social groups for people who want to make new friendships - I was with a group called Spice for a while and they were great (not sure how old you are, but they have an under 40s group too).