Toilet issues help!

Just a thought..,  how about just letting him wash his hands there in the morning first thing. Nothing to do with doing the toilet as yet. That way he is functioning in the space and over time may acclimatise. You could put a few of his drawings on the wall. He needs to connect to space in his own comfortable path way,, you may find that the old toilets have affected him, so maybe you could call it the loo to seperate the perception of negative function. On a personal note, going to the normal toilets for me was hell in school, it was the kid psychogene bullies zone and then in secondary high school it was there smoking and head flushing zone, ah the wonderful blessings of a ghetto upbringing, were autism was not noticed, I still suffer from those cognitive scars. O'Well, joy to the world, good luck and blessings too the wee guy.

Hi Crystal

to be fair my son has just started a new school and I can't fault their support.  They have tried pretty much everything.  He will now go when absolutely desperate in a separate building which is designed for autistic children.  It's a bit of a trek but is helping a little.  We now struggle in most public toilets, we can sometimes use the disabled ones but this isn't always practical. My son has a hearing impairment too so my guess is it's both noise and privacy related and like phobias get worse the more they are discussed And highlighted.  Thanks so much for your thoughts it helps so much to have other opinions and speak to people with stimulate issues. :-)

hi Mush - it's not irrelevant at all.  It impacts on your child and his family throughout every day, day in day out.  It causes a load of stress all round.  It can't do him any gd to keep holding it in for hours on end.  It's likely to spoil his enjoyment of other things if he feels uncomfortable physically.  Seems to be a mixture of noise issues + a big need for privacy.  Do you know which of these 2 issues (sorry if there are any more that I've not mentioned) which is the greater, or are they equally distress-causing?  A good set of headphones can blot out a great deal of noise if the school cd let him use them when he wants to go to the toilet.  The toilet doors are another matter of course, unless the school cd fit a toilet with a top to bottom door for him - the private one?  That shdn't be expensive, altho health + safety issues might come into it.  If he's got a long walk to the toilet then I can understand your concern.  Really this isn't on.  None of the other children have to do this.  At the very least I think he shd be accompanied, again for H + S reasons.  Sorry if these suggestions have already been discussed with the school or aren't helpful.  I do know what it's like to be in a bind + how it can really affect things negatively day in day out.  bw

Hi Crystal

Thanks so much for this reply - it is not so much the hand drier as the openness of the main toilets at school,  the private toilet is in the middle of some offices and he can hear talking which puts him off.  Even at home he makes sure all the doors in the house are closed before he will go.  I think noise is the main issue and public toilets are a nightmare.  He likes no gaps in the doors either above or below and would prefer that no one else was in there wherever he is.  We have used disabled toilets in some places whihc he can just about manage.  If he goes to school and then to after school club then he can go many hours holding on until we get home and he is desperate.  They have now allowed him to use the toilets in a seperate building which is an autistic center but this involves quite a walk so he will use these if absolutely desperate.  This is better than it was but I still worry.  If he has an accident or makes himself ill then I will feel terrible for him. The school have been fantastic but he gets quite distressed about the toilet issue and if we are out for the day it can be a nightmare.  Once he is used to a toilet he is much better. Just hearing from someone who does not pass this off as irrelevant is a great help - so thank you again.

hi Mush, has your son sd anything about why he won't use the private toilet?  Perhaps there's something about it such as a hot air hand drier (noise) which distresses him, or something else?  My son when small  + still to an extent now, prefers what I call "the original".  This is when he remembers his 1st experience of something, whatever it may be + doesn't like it to change.....the 1st being the best if he liked something.   I don't know from your post why he's not using the same toilets as other children, but presume there's a reason why he's being allowed to use the private one.  Perhaps if you cd give us some further detail we cd help a bit more?