Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
My new boyfriend lives very near me and stays at mine four nights a week. I believe- and so dose he- that he may also be an aspie, which may be part of what makes it difficult for us.
He spends most of his time on his phone on fb looking though videos/memes including when hes at mine. Iv started trying to get him to watch films with me, but he shows little interest and expects me to- what seems like, to me- aimlessley watch his phone with him. One of the things we do enjoy together is cooking, but he works long hours, so other than that he just wants to sleep- some would say he gets more than needed sometimes.
He just recently sent me a txt saying he loved me (first time, the L word) but I did think this should of been said to my face, and almost took it as if to not beleive he was sincere. The problem is I start to feel a bit used at times- maybe because his affection is difficult to read. The other night I wanted us to get out because of the same fb senario and he snapped "It seems ur never happy unless Im spending money on you". He is not paying any amount for 4 days of food/electric, so when we go out I expect him to pay (cinema in farnbough is 5£ per ticket atm also). He acts like Im high maintenance! But I feel like maybe he also has the same worry I have- of being used.
I feel like he may be taking advantage of me, then other times I think hes got aspergers too (therefore dosent think things through properly), and Im being paronoid. When I asked him why he dosent make conversation anymore he said its because I always confuse everything he says- but I have normal conversations with colleages. Also why confess ur love to someone you dont want to talk to?
Im begining to think that a relationship between two aspies is not going to work... help!
Windscale said:I deleted my FB account once I realised how much time I was spending on it, and realising that the signal to noise ratio had gotten so low that I wasn't really getting what I wanted from it anymore anyway.
'Signal to noise ratio' brilliant way of looking at it!
There is also the slim chance that he is an a**hole user.
I wrote a lengthy reply. It vanished,
basically he may be aspie, but he may also be narcissistic, drop him or be prepared to work hard while he does nothing. Do not become his mother, doing everything for him, always working to keep him happy. He is lazy and uncaring towards you.
Thinking he is aspie is not an excuse for him to focus on fb and gaming. If he wants to be in a relationship he needs to ‘ share equally” in most of what it takes to make it work for both of you.
Aspies And narcissists can be confused, narcissists deliberately control, lower the victims self belief on purpose. Aspies unwittingly don’t give what is needed, they often think loyalty alone is a sign of love.
Here’s a link to describe how they can seem similar but be very different indeed.
www.kmarshack.com/.../
They do there best to do right but struggle. Narcissists don’t care full stop. They know what they want, blame everyone if they don’t get it.
I believe in giving everyone a chance, but he doesn’t seem to even want to try. Cut him loose. Save yourself a whole lot of suffering trying to fit his needs, you will fail.
Very sad to say even if he is aspie.
I am aspie. I can tell you all this. I can see others viewpoints, I still messed up my relationship. I failed and never knew I wasn’t giving what was expected.
take care of yourself ()., ()
NAS39043 said:He is not paying any amount for 4 days of food/electric, so when we go out I expect him to pay (cinema in farnbough is 5£ per ticket
No one's forcing him to stay at your place. Can't manipulate 'em.
en.wikipedia.org/.../Men_Going_Their_Own_Way
Hi Windscale
Oh theres other things that make me think hes an aspie like a general social inhibition sometimes- its hard to explain. I find some people with aspergers are really unbothered by what others think, and some the oposite. We'r opposites as I always find it attactive.
Dopamine thing is interesting I didnt know that, thats freaky! I only seem to get hooked on the self improvement/ positive thinking hippie means. It takes me too long to worry about what to say to anyone on there half the time lol. I used amino acids to manipulate dopamine levels for a while- find all that stuff v interesting
I don't think, seeing all the people wandering around aimlessly eyes focussed on their phones, that you have to be an Aspie to be turned into a "Phombie" but I wonder if it's something that might be a greater risk. I wonder if a lot of the dopamine feedback loops they put into stuff these days is a particular problem for us?
I deleted my FB account once I realised how much time I was spending on it, and realising that the signal to noise ratio had gotten so low that I wasn't really getting what I wanted from it anymore anyway.