Near sexual assualt

The welfare team are deeply irresponsible. Not only to you but to him. Does the "severity" of his Autism hold rank over the assault on you, it shouldn't. That is prejudice basically. If you found it unacceptable and he didn't, it doesn't negate the fact that it happened.

They are also being irresposible to him. If he has no repercussions for his actions he will think that he will be able to do it again or even go further. He could end up doing worse. Also if he was to end up in prison he would end up in the numbers because of his condition with sex offenders who might give him more than a taste of sexual assualt himself or he could end up in a secure unit. It should be nipped in the bud now. He has to live with being an Autist, that can be a hard label, albiet one he can't help. However he could be called a nonce or a rapist too, they could help avoid this. Even more importantly they could avoid someone else being called a victim.

I think that by the language used he does have some awareness of what is appropriate. 

NAS38298 said:

He then said, if you find that inappropriate how I touch your breasts

By that statement he makes an implication of how he has a basic understanding of what sexual contact is, which parts of the body are considered "more sexual" than others and he also seems to understand how the boundaries of touching these places can make someone feel that it is inappropriate. I personally don't think he is as innocent as they make out. That's just me but that statement would be scrutinised in court.

I've said it before people can't help being Autistic but they can help being a ***. I'd take it further you might help him and you might save someone else further down the line.

All the best. I hope all ends up well for all involved, mostly yourself.

He can't just be let off simply because he's autistic. He needs to understand his behaviour was wrong and there should be consequences for his actions.

You can't just let someone off because they have autism. There are behaviours you accept due to lack of understanding and then there are behaviours that are just down right unacceptable. If he really doesn't understand the boundaries to that extent even when you are making it very clear then he needs help. He can't go through life doing stuff like that or he will end up in serious trouble let alone putting people through horrific ordeals. I would definitely be reporting that higher up. You should not have to deal with that. It is wrong of the welfare team, they are putting you and others at risk and ignoring it due to his autism is not supporting him either.

They were wrong to respond in that way to you, that's fobbing you off.  What about your welfare and safeguarding? 

You were put in that vulnerable state by them when they asked you to help him! Thank goodness you have good sense of boundaries and took control and stopped him. 

A lesson learnt from this though, never ever go to someone else's accommodation or let them into your accommodation when there isn't anyone else there to chaperone or to call for help, better to be in a public place. It's really terrible that an innocent and trusting situation ended up as a really awful experience.  

Refuse to have anything to do with him if you are both returning in September. 

Refuse to help anyone else.  You are not trained or paid to do that.   

Don't let them pressure you, just refuse. 

Dear NAS38298,

 I am very sorry to hear of what you have experienced, and also the lack of support you received when you reported this to your university Welfare team.

As some of our community members have suggested, it is important that you talk to a trusted family member or friend about what has happened. They can help you to report this incident to the authorities, and also escalate your concerns with how your university has dealt with the incident. It is important that the appropriate action is taken to ensure you are safe and also, the individual in question understands boundaries and the consequence of their actions.

 The GOV.UK has a very useful guide that outlines the steps to report a sexual assault: https://www.gov.uk/report-rape-sexual-assault . The guide also outlines that if you do not want to report the assault to the police, then you can contact a Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) for support. These centres are within some areas of England and Wales and you can use the NHS Choices tool to find one in your area: https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Rape%20and%20sexual%20assault%20referral%20centres/LocationSearch/364

 I have included a couple of links to some organisations that you may like to have a look at for some support:

 Victim Support: Victim Support can give both practical help and advice, as well as emotional support to help you with coping with the situation. The practical support that Victim Support can offer includes helping you to deal with the police if you decide to report incidents. You can contact Victim Support on: 08 08 16 89 111. You can also email their Supportline via their online enquiry form, here: https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help/supportline/email-supportline 

Please see Victim Support’s specific information covering sexual assault and consent, here: https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-and-sexual-assault

Safeline: Safeline is a specialised charity working to prevent sexual abuse and to support those affected in their recovery. Safeline have accessible services for people with disabilities: https://www.safeline.org.uk/

 You may find it useful to access some counseling to support you emotionally with what you have experienced. We have an online Autism Services directory where we can search for counsellors with experience of supporting autistic individuals: www.autism.org.uk/directory Please search under the category ‘Health’, then ‘Counsellors’, and then use the location options to refine the search by area. They can contact the Helpline if they would like help with this.

 Lastly, we have some specific guidance on our website for autistic victims of crime which the individual may find beneficial to read through http://www.autism.org.uk/law##victim

I hope this has been of some help to you, and we hope that you are able to find the support you need to get through this very hard and challenging time.

Kind regards,

Ayshe Mod

I'd take a screen shot of the text and submit it as evidence, especially to your university. It would be useful to back up the conversations you have at uni with an email so that there’s a paper trail if you ever have to take the complaint further.

The head probably won't manage the welfare person. If I were you I'd find out who their line manager is and email them something along the lines of this...

Dear xxx

(Insert name of welfare person) asked me to support xx by (outline what they wanted you to do) During this time xxx sexually assaulted me and I have now reported this to the police, as well as the Head of xxx.

Whilst I was supporting him xxx explained he wanted for us to be in a relationship with me and I made it very clear to him that it wasn’t going to happen as I’m already in one with someone else. He wouldn’t accept this so pushed me onto the bed and started trying to take off my clothes and his clothes. Before things got any further I said to this person “Get off me now and do not touch me or do that ever again! It is completely inappropriate what you have just done.” He then said, if you find that inappropriate how I touch your breasts, so I replied to him saying “Do not touch me anywhere on my body. I made it loud and clear to you we are not in a relationship and you’re not respecting boundaries. I then managed to escape the situation, however, xx has now started to send me inappropriate texts (see attached).

I have found the incident in the room to be incredibly upsetting and distressing, as well as the subsequent text. At the time I spoke to (insert name of welfare person) about the bedroom incident who explained that we should let (insert name of male) off as he probably didn’t understand as he’s autistic. This response made me feel belittled and as though the university accepts the unacceptable sexual behavior. I do not think I should be expected to accept sexual assault, nor do I believe xx should be allowed to behave in this way.

Instead of the response I received, I would have liked (insert name of welfare person) to behave in the following way:

1 (inster steps of how you’d have liked the situation to be handled)

2.

3.

I also feel they would benefit from some training on sexual assault and how to respond to these, especially in regards to behaving in a sensitive manner.

Regards,

XX

I hope today isn't too nerve-wracking for you and wish you all the best.

I suspect that the welfare people have not done a proper risk assessment and are trying to cover themselves by hoping that the whole incident is just buried and forgotten about.

Most autistics have problems with dating, flirting and dealing with sexual behaviour in general.  I certainly have.  But I don't rip clothes of women.

Autism can be used to explain deviant behaviour.   But should not be used as an excuse for it.

I agree with everything that you have written (as well as everyone on this thread). I am going to report him tomorrow to the non-emergency police number and will mention the welfare staff to the head of academic staff when my friend and I go and complain about this at the uni tomorrow. I have just had a text from him now (I deleted his number but he clearly still has mine and it comes up on my phone with his name) saying that he hopes he will find a way one day as I get more attractive every time. What do I do with that text?? 

I would suggest you contact the police on 101, the non-emergency number. 

Welfare had their chance and blew it, so I would have no confidence that the institution has your best interests at heart - they seem more keen to cover things up because of the situation they put you in?

I am very sorry you have had such a distressing experiencing. Trying to take your clothes off against your will is not acceptable behavior. The comment about touching your breasts comes across as though he knew his behavior was inappropriate but he didn't care.

If you feel that his behavior warrants speaking to the police about this then please do this asap. If you allow this man to get away with such behavior it may only get worse. It sounds like he has no respect for other's boundaries and this could be because he's behaved like this before and gotten away with it.

Going to the Head, as well as the wardens will be useful too. I work in HE and we had a student who started off saying inappropriate comments of a sexual nature to staff, he then started waiting for these staff to finish work and would try to follow them home. He initially received a warning from the head of his department but as his behavior continued he was asked to leave the university to protect the safety of those who worked there. The wardens may be able to keep a closer eye on this young man whilst you wait for the outcome of your complaint.

Have you considered complaining about the member of the welfare team? Their comments do seem to be inappropriate and perhaps their line manager isn't aware of how they responded? Sexual assaults, especially if they happen in halls, should have a strict reporting policy to follow and leaving you on your own to further report this at the university isn't usually part of the policy.

I'm sorry you've had such a ***** experience from your university.

Just to agree with the others, report it.  If you are unsure about reporting remember that he will probably do this again and the last next time might not be as strong as you. Please take care of yourself this is a bad thing that you have had to go through, 

NAS38298 said:

they said was we have to let him off because he’s seriously autistic even though this is in our view close to sexual assault.

Everybody NEEDS to know what consent is regardless.. it is not right to violate others or be violated ourselves.

it is not about the other party being let off... they need guidance and support on what is appropriate behaviour and how to deal with recognising consent. In many ways you’ll be helping them and hopefully reduce such circumstances happening again that might get them in trouble.