Work Problems

Make a distinction between confidence and self esteem. Self esteem is one's own estimation of one's worth, but it is boosted by others complimenting you and giving you evidence to confirm that self estimation.

Trouble is people on the spectrum have trouble taking compliments. It might be that, as we cannot readily distinguish a genuine compliment from a sarcastic one we are always wary, but also I think there is a feeling of low self-esteem that says we don't deserve this compliment. You need to start convincing yourself you do.

The fact your line manager is "putting a line under things" and encouraging you to "put it all behind you" and get on should be boosting your self esteem. Somehow you've got to find a way of accepting that and taking it to heart. But it is not easy.

Confidence is another matter. That's very difficult to create. The AS thing is to build on negatives and negative reinforcement. I was encouraged (long long before I knew about my AS) to think daily about my positives and achievements, as a way of breaking free of anxiety spirals and negative reinforcement.

But you also need some other areas of activity in which to do well - a sport if you are coordinated for it, or a computer games league, or something else with a competitive edge to it that will give you those little confidence boosting rewards regularly.

If your confidence is down in one area eg work, then you need to work on raising it in other areas of your life.

Not easy, but worth trying to do

Thanks for your advice guys, I see what you mean and it does make sense. I'm think I'm seeing things at either good or bad with little in between. I'm just not sure how to draw the line though... I have tried to focus on the better aspects of my work. Guess I just need to step that up?

I agree with minime's advice. You do have to try to "put a line under things" and take a positive perspective.

However no way is this easy to do. I've had difficulties in the workplace because there may be some aspects of a task it just doesn't occur to me to do, so I do everything right except mysteriously there are little voids that maybe are absent mindedness or maybe AS. 

And I do seem to have to go over and over the ground in my head, especially when criticised. In some ways this analysis is productive, but not if it gets in the way of carrying on with the job. So you need to find a way of "drawing a line under things" - closing up the past and moving forwards.

The wider NT population seems able to get over such incidents, which is great for them, but also makes me wonder about the morality of this, and whether this is why some people continue to underperform. But its the way NTs function - perhaps to make things keep moving they need to have this inbuilt "over and done with" mechanism. Its why the world never seems to learn by mistakes.

So while reiterating Minime's advice I appreciate that it is hard advice to take, but worthwhile advice if you can find a way to do it.

Hi Raven

I think you're doing what we all do and giving yourself a harder time than you need to.

Firstly give yourself a pat on the back for even attempting to do the kind of job your doing in the first place, ie, working in a fast paced, customer orientated job. Thats hard for any "normal person", but for someone with AS, it is a huge challenge. Sounds to me that up to the point when you made a mistake, you had been doing ok in it so well done.

Also your supervisor comes across as someone who has noticed how unnerving this has become for you and is trying to help you move on, but I know how difficult it is to get rid of negative thoughts, so you're concentrating on the things you've done wrong - Hey, howz about concentrating on all the many things you've got right and give yourslf a confidence boost.

Everybody makes mistakes - be kinder to yourself

Good luck