Suicide and self harm...

I self harm and have made several attempts (including a number of hospital admissions). Self harm for me is a coping mechanism that staves off more drastic thoughts and is something that my cpn understands and though doesn't encourage, doesn't condemn it either.. I get the aspect of 'punishing ones self' and with respect to being frightend of death, I'd just recommend being aware of si safely (knowing where not to harm as well as deepness) and cleaning afterwards to prevent infection.

This is what I don't understand.  Self harming and cleaning to prevent infection  !!!!

I understand suicide, but not self harm !

Guess everybody does things someone else doesn't understand - doesn't mean that it's necessarily wrong or mad or disgusting or useless or a way of attention seeking, or, or... Not saying that you have suggested any of those but lots of people do and it's not exactly helping anyone. Guess unless you wanted to hurt yourself anyway you will not want to do it from watching someone else, quite the opposite. Whether you can understand it or not, it will always be hard to see others doing that, or even just the evidence of it, especially when it looks quite recent. If you understand it because of own experience then those signs of someone apparently not doing particularly well are perhaps even more shocking because you know what it's like (well, sort of, given that there can be lots of reasons).

Thanks for asking.

My communication skills have improved over the years but depression is still there and I have got used to isolation and lack of social interaction with 'normal' people.

I don't intend to self harm.  But if things get much worse suicide is an option as a last straw.

My mental health team have provided me with at least half a dozen phones numbers and websites of contacts.  If i need help.

Your further elaboration I can very much relate to, especially in terms of social blunders and the like.

How are things now ? 

I wholly agree, I find reading this thread enlightening and increadibly distressing. Wishing comfort to all who may be reading and needing it.

My experience of self harm is very limited.

When I was around 7,  8, 9 or 10 ??? Years old.  I went through a phase of pulling my hair out everyday, until I was partially bald.  This was a reaction to the total loneliness and frustration I felt at both home and school, being unable to communicate or express myself verbally.

Seems that's quite a common misconception. Glad it's been clarified, you never know where that may come helpful. The reason ToeJam's mentioned seems to me the most directly autism-related one, apart from this also stuff like punishing oneself for mistakes (in the hope to prevent making them again or because punishment seems deserved, often because others have made this clear), covering or distracting from pain that seems unbearable (rather of mental than physical nature), especially if nobody understands it, to have a reason to be nice to oneself afterwards, to feel oneself again if that feeling went missing somehow, trying to get help when everything else failes... guess there are lots more.

It does...I find this thread quite distressing...feel so much for you guys x 

It does...I find this thread quite distressing...feel so much for you guys x 

I wholly agree, I find reading this thread enlightening and increadibly distressing. Wishing comfort to all who may be reading and needing it.