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Fighting to survive/Wanting to die?

AnneMargaret

Not sure what to say. I am struggling so bad. Wanting to self harm again and more.

Feeling so lonely, low and confused. Don't know what it's all about or why etc.

Having lots of bad thoughts.

Do i want to die? Do i want to fight to survive?

I'm so upset. I'm so alone. Can't tell anyone. They all think i'm doing brill.

 

  • Hi Anne how you feeling today my sister is doing jazz and tap she has done it for 6 years only she's 30 so not long. But she is quite high. And she can teach it sad about your injury but maybe. Singing is good thing you can go back to in the future take care Dave gaston PS gaston is my nickname. Ie. Beauty and the beast villian lol. My face movie

  • I don't dance anymore as i had a bad injury on my ankle but i did ballet, tap, modern, jazz, drama and singing from about 2 years old. What dancing does your sister do?

  • By way Anne what type of dance you trained in my older sister runs dance school in are home city Liverpool I can't dance though thank god I don't have to in Oliver not to fussy on pretending to murder my wife Nancy either lol have u done lots of shows I know dancing shows are hard work so u must be very experienced and clever
  • Hi I do enjoy doing shows yeah wow u must be talented to be a dancer. I hope u do k when do have op sure nothing to worry bout

  • Not having op yet. But thanks anyway.

    Hope your show goes good.

    I've danced since i was 2 so done shows too, they're good aren';t they.

     

  • Hi Anne doing the show Oliver I am playing bill Sykes. The villian I really. Enjoying. It. My grand has had a simler operation to the one your having hope it all goes well to u. Sure it will.

  • Thanks Gaston. Unfortunately they can't sort the Retinal detachment unless it does detach in which case they can operate to try to save my sight but hopefully that's a long way off. Glad you're not bad either. What show you doing?

  • Hi Anne I am not bad thanks very much. I am rehersing. For my college drama show at moment so. Takes my mind off the bad things at moment if u ever need to chat I am usually on the community board. In the meantime. Glad u are bit better don't worry about your. Glasses I am sure they will sort that out for u

  • Hi. No it's not the first time. I've self harmed since i was about 11. It got worse at 16 and i've been in and out of a+e and psychiatric hospital since then. Without sounding stupid it's nice to know someone else with Autism has self harmed as i've not heard it before. I will try to talk to GP on thursday.Anne.

  • Thanks Gaston. How are you today?

  • Oh good look on your night away aswell
  • Hi Anne glad you are feeling a bit better today its good to know u. Have. Things to look forward to do sent it I know we all have good and bad. Days but glad u having. Better day you have 13 rabbits wow I only have the one kitten

  • Hello Anne Margret

    You definitely have a lot to think about at the moment.

    I have read that you prefer to text rather than talk to people. I have a son with Aspergers syndrome he has also self harmed in the past. 

    He now Emails the family as way to start discussing issues he finds difficult and he finds this helps and we are aware that he is feeling low and give him time to talk about them.

    Dont know if this may be helpful for you. 

    Hope you feel better soon.

  • Thank you all for your kind words to me and advice in what to do.

    Unfortunately i am feeling a little sad today still as i had an eye test today (I've worn glasses permanently since just before i was 12.) And i am now under NHS paying for me etc as they have deteriorated greatly and are past -10 which apparently is bad for my age. (I'm 23.) And i am at quite a risk of Retinal Detachment. So i feel a little rubbish!

    Otherwise i am not too bad as i am hoping to have my first ever night away without family in June for my birthday with my best friend somewhere. Not far just Derbyshire Dales or something. Looking forward to that so trying to keep focused on these things. And my rabbits who are craving attention at the minute. I have 13.

    I have contacted Samaritans before when i've been in and out of psychiatric hospital so maybe i could contact them again. You can do it via text now. I find that much easier. As i hate phone calls. Even to family.

    Another nice note is that my big sister visits on Thursday for a month from Australia. So really excited.

    Thank you again.

    Anne. x

  • Hello Anne Margaret

    Sorry to hear you're feeling down.

    Like everyone else, I think it would be good to talk to your family and let them know how you are feeling. You say they think you are doing great, so it would make it easier for them to help you if they understood how you felt. If you could try and explain to them, then they would be better able to get you whatever support might be useful. You've mentioned before that they've been trying to get support for you, and I think that they would be better able to get the right kind of support if you were open with them about what you are experiencing.

    If you are finding talking to them very difficult you might want to try talking to someone else instead. You could try the Autism Helpline:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/Our-services/Advice-and-information-services/Autism-Helpline.aspx

    Or you could try the Samaritains on 08457 90 90 90. See more about them on their website:

    http://www.samaritans.org/

    The Samaritains is a general service for people to talk about how they are feeling - you might find that an easier place to start talking than with your family.

    I think it's very important that you try and talk to someone, whoever you find is easiest.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

    Good luck.

    Sandra - mod

     

  • Hi annemarie thanks again for your kind words I would suggest talking to someone close maybe a friend relative gp I have experienced simler things in the p Past so i find it helps to talk in the meanwhile lots of people on hear will support you best they can

  • Hi Anne Margaret,
    I also saw your msg to Gaston and though it was very caring and consi derate. Can you speak to your GP? We all need  help to get through the rough times so we can get to the good times. You sound like a lovely person with a lot to give and great at helping others.

    Stay in touch with us all, we are here for each other.

  • When you said "self harm again" I assume that this isn't the first time that you have done it before. Talking from personal experiance, it really isn't worth it. I was in and out of A&E a few times with suicidal thoughts and damaging parts of my body. My conclusion from all of that is that is doesn't solve any problems that you have just make them worse for yourself and the people that care about you. Like what dionsmum said talk to your family, make sure you let them know how you feel. If you feel that you can't talk to them would a counseller help? What ever you do don't keep it to your self, tall to me if you need to. Matt

  • hi annemargaret, i am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. i think it would be good for you to talk about your feelings with someone. i am sure your family and friends would like to know how you really feel so they can help you through this. you are obviously a very kind and caring young lady. i have just read what you wrote to gaston when he said he couldnt get a nice girlfriend and im sure your kind words have helped him. i do hope you start to feel better soon.    tracey