Help! Are there any women in this Community with ASD

Yes the tremors can be a bit scary. And am aware look odd too. Plus they are really tiring. So have to try extra hard to pace myself especially with things I find stressful but sometimes just not possible. Then I need loads of shutdown time to recover. So being in unknown environment was possibly stressful because you have to concentrate so much more and the build up to going and the extra mixing with people for longer... sounds a typical time for it to happen. Dr who I respected for diagnosis said we put so much effort into "being normal" joining/fitting in that it eventually takes a toll on our bodies. Taking the example from pain management we have to learn to pace ourselves. I find the spoons theory a good analogy for me and a different way to think about how we use our energy https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/.  

I think you should go sooner rather than later as even when referred it's going to be a long wait for anything to happen unless you go privately, which I must admit I am starting to consider.  I chose one of the younger GP's in our practice and the first time she half fobbed me off but I went back quite determined, with more research under my belt and two A4 sides of scrappily written examples from my life that fitted the criteria.  Thankfully she was willing to read it and it was that which persuaded her to refer me as my spoken words let me down badly.  It is so confusing to find this incoherence as I used to think myself reasonably erudite.  Good luck!

That has been my experience of antidepressants too I couldn't tolerate them with similar effect. My Gp asks from time to time if I want to try them again but no thanks. It is tricky to find help with this. However speaking to others with long term depression we know it comes in waves but still hard to wade through the treacle until it eases again. And it makes me appreciate the little things in life more because every nugget of that's good/ ok/ beautiful counts. 

Hello again Misfit, I have had two occasions where the trembling hands has turned into whole body tremor and it was quite terrifying.  Both occasions where I was in unknown environments with no control over anything at all, this is part of the reason I want a diagnosis, for future protection.  Small steps indeed...

Thanks for your thoughts Quirky Friend, many years ago when I was on the treatment for depression roundabout Venlafaxine was one of the things they threw at me and I think I'd have been taking the contraceptive pill at the time too.  They became known as 'helicopter pills' around here because I had aural hallucinations of helicopter sounds if I was late taking them or forgot.  It became clear eventually that they seriously did not agree with me and made me aggressive and eventually suicidal.  Needless to say, I stopped taking them and have never trusted antidepressant drugs since, glad they work for you though.  Eventually I just retreated from the health services attempts at helping because nothing did help, now I know why I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Me too. 

Hi ladies

one thing I am keen on is making sure that we are easily findable for other women as this has been positive experience for all of us....

Hi Misfit - am also in a small space and its been really special being able to take part in the postings - I will always stay on the forum regardless of any facebook postings.  Thanks for the advice on care assessments - I will look into it.  Hopefully we'll be meeting again very soon on here! Its made a real difference to me - thanks everyone

Re FB vs. here. There are other options including Google Plus and Tumblr as well. I'm pretty comfortable with any or all, as I started moderating some early forums in 2003 and have been a mod on a heavily locked down board to support male survivors of domestic violence for 7 years now. They all have produced and cons.

As a temporary measure I suggest we do "date in reverse order ASD women" threads for now - I think I'm the earliest to get the day unless we have someone from Samoa lurking :-) 

Then we can sign post people to these also.... :)

That is a very kind and thoughtful solution that I'd like very much. But for. Facebook users there is a lot on there to help (googled!) and mentioned in books etc.

Morning ladies...

as way of a compromise..as the thought of Facebook seems to have caused some upset that we either scrap this thread and start afresh..???...as this one has got rather long and muddled...it would be a shame to lose anyone from this community and there seems to be such a degree of commonality in what we feel, how we live, and our support needs...

Yes same for me too re communicating, support, work  and fear. I couldn't cope with Facebook so sadly know it's not for me. I worked in various jobs through til about 50 but not since. I was a main carer for mum who had lymphoma and now my Dad and I do our best in our own homes but same town( visits from family when they can so we look forward to my sisters school holidays she teaches). My world has shrunk to a very small space mostly inside my house so this has been something special. By the way you can get a referral or self refer to Social services for a care assessment and you may get some help from them if you want that Malabar for yourself or/and your daughter. 

I know there are a number of Facebook groups that are fully set up and running so I hope you find one or two that you like limegreenwelly and elephant in the room and others that decide that's the way for them. . It's been nice "meeting " you. Good luck. 

Hi everyone - Thanks - it makes a real difference to me being able to read about and support through the forum -  Re facebook -  I've joined a couple of SEN private groups on facebook. Am happy to facebook or stay here?  Sometimes (quite often) I can't communicate at all and then it doesn't make a difference  facebook or not.   Reading and researching has been a survival route and a fair amount of denial/lack of support/abuse has been continuous for my daughter and I.    Posts are resonating strongly - for me going through the formal diagnosis with Consultant Psychiatrist was really important - that process is complete now - yes I have the autism diagnosis and ongoing I'm trying to work out how to finally support myself better.  As others have said there isn't support after diagnosis from the professionals (not just at my age 51 also for daughter diagnosed aged 12) but for me just knowing means at least I have a chance of understanding myself.  My daughter supports me and my Dad tries to understand.    Working out that its ok to be me.  Definitely going through the menapause has heightened sensitivities for me but other factors have changed to e.g. came off anti depressants, beta blockers 12 months ago; still unable to work as 15 year old autistic daughter out of school (now ok in school but needs me here) and also recognising my fraility in work; more failed friendships - and also worn down by it all - I suppose I'd hoped that the underlying feeling of fear would subside but no sign of that right now! 

Hello Pixiefox. There are a few over 50's contributing to this thread so hope you find it helpful ( but they maybe going over to Facebook).  I think we just have to call ourselves what we feel comfortable doing so whilst hoping not to offend others. I did hear somewhere recently that there are many types of Autism and the person speaking taking all into consideration decided just plain Autistic for all of us was the most appropriate. Names keep changing with all differently abled terms. It is definitely a dilemma whether to go for formal diagnosis or not and I did have the same thoughts on if I didn't get the diagnosis then what is the answer. I'm in the middle of a YouTube film by Rudy Simone which is thought provoking. I definitely think my brain is differently wired and for me at the moment the co existing characteristics has been a disability throughout life. But maybe one day I can turn that around. 

Hi, female Aspie in my fifties here. Self-diagnosed - my GP agreed with me and offered a referral but said I wouldn't get any support even if I was "formally" diagnosed. I didn't see any point after thinking about it, as it would only cause me more stress. Plus the fear of being mis-diagnosed as NT put me off. If that had happened I would have been devastated, as it would mean that I would have no understanding of why I have had the problems I have had. 

I know that I am autistic, and understanding that helps me cope better. I am not an over-sensitive, obsessive-compulsive, stubborn, anti-social woman with some inappropriate interests for my age & gender, I am a female Aspie trying to cope with a world full of noise, smells, unpredictable behaviour and demands to conform to the expectations of the society I live in. I'm reliable, trustworthy, intelligent and well-organised, with a good sense of humour. I may have a low EQ (empathy) score - although I am emotionally empathic - but I have a very high SQ (systemising) score.

I think there are probably a LOT more female Autistics/Aspies than are diagnosed, as we are great at masking it.

By the way, I don't wish to offend but I don't like the term ASD, purely because the D stands for Disorder. For me, Autism as not a disorder or a disability, it's just a true way of describing me.

I can't find it! Hey ho. But did find if you click on newest the last post is at the top

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W6x4z0KKCqE  This has some useful info too

I am happy to give Facebook a go if others are and will be good as it is a private group as with my teacher hat on I am wary of social media - thank you Spotty and be brave misfit

Right in the top right corner it says 18 subscribers, and at the moment over 100 posts. The difficulty I'm having now is the thread is too long. I only suggest Facebook as it's got a good system for groups, but actually maybe I will go and look and see if there's any groups of asd women there already. I'm just finding it difficult to follow this as it just keeps getting longer and longer.