Help! Are there any women in this Community with ASD

Not sure why it's posting me as NAS23891, my username is limegreenwelly, I am new to the forums, that was my comment about hf asd and inattentive ADHD! Am sending a query to the tech people about why this is happening! 

Hi limegreenwelly

Got your message...how are you finding the forum?

Technical issues are driving me over the edge at the moment, and not being able to find a page where I can look at my profile and add a picture, it's all in the details, everything is so slow too! 

Yes the tremors can be a bit scary. And am aware look odd too. Plus they are really tiring. So have to try extra hard to pace myself especially with things I find stressful but sometimes just not possible. Then I need loads of shutdown time to recover. So being in unknown environment was possibly stressful because you have to concentrate so much more and the build up to going and the extra mixing with people for longer... sounds a typical time for it to happen. Dr who I respected for diagnosis said we put so much effort into "being normal" joining/fitting in that it eventually takes a toll on our bodies. Taking the example from pain management we have to learn to pace ourselves. I find the spoons theory a good analogy for me and a different way to think about how we use our energy https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/.  

That has been my experience of antidepressants too I couldn't tolerate them with similar effect. My Gp asks from time to time if I want to try them again but no thanks. It is tricky to find help with this. However speaking to others with long term depression we know it comes in waves but still hard to wade through the treacle until it eases again. And it makes me appreciate the little things in life more because every nugget of that's good/ ok/ beautiful counts. 

Hello again Misfit, I have had two occasions where the trembling hands has turned into whole body tremor and it was quite terrifying.  Both occasions where I was in unknown environments with no control over anything at all, this is part of the reason I want a diagnosis, for future protection.  Small steps indeed...

Thanks for your thoughts Quirky Friend, many years ago when I was on the treatment for depression roundabout Venlafaxine was one of the things they threw at me and I think I'd have been taking the contraceptive pill at the time too.  They became known as 'helicopter pills' around here because I had aural hallucinations of helicopter sounds if I was late taking them or forgot.  It became clear eventually that they seriously did not agree with me and made me aggressive and eventually suicidal.  Needless to say, I stopped taking them and have never trusted antidepressant drugs since, glad they work for you though.  Eventually I just retreated from the health services attempts at helping because nothing did help, now I know why I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Thank you to you too. Got me welling up now. That's exactly like me too. Exactly. Every paragraph. Except I get tremors instead. My head nods in a rather off putting way and body goes with it and walk like I'm drunk. It's usually when I'm stressed or exhausted or both. I'm very grateful to all of you for participating too as I have never ever "posted "anything anywhere before so this is a new experience for me. I'm feeling quite brave and a bit pleased with myself. So thank you. We just have to take small steps and take one day at a time. Clearly it does make a positive difference 

Just a quick note after checking my emails at pee o'clock in New Zealand.

Anxiety sucks. It really does. I ended up on fairly big doses of antidepressant meds to get it back to "survivable" levels. It's a bit of a risky strategy for neurodiverse people because we can have odd reactions to psychoactive medication, but between venlafaxine and running the oral contraceptive pill together continuously I'm a lot better. As long as I also do several sessions of high intensity exercise weekly - after a lifetime of hating exercise because of my DCD/dyspraxia, I've had to make a schedule for it -eeek!

It's nice to see all these neurodiverse women regardless of whether they just know they are or someone else has confirmed it.

I also suggest any woman who is want compassionate information on women and ASD to look for Tony Attwood's information on women and ASD on YouTube

Yes Tania Marshall checklist was one I used in my own research. It's got lots of detail and picks up on a full cross section of characteristics which don't really come up in a lot of the books or information. Hope you find the links as informative/ reaffirming as I did. She has a new book out as well but haven't seen it yet. 

we have similar interests.. I grew up In a village but live in a market town now so getting out into the countryside is essential! 

I'm really confused about which 'reply' button to hit so plumped for the bottom one!  Hello Welly and Misfit, you've all got me crying again, I'm sure we are all very different but so much commonality too. It breaks my heart that there is so much suffering out there in the name of trying to fit in with something we are all realising we never will fit into.

Even here, trying to type this I'm wary of not offending anyone and being rejected, it's such an ingrained mindset.  This thread has got so long and there's so much content that it's easy to get lost... I think we are all reading so much in a desperate attempt to understand ourselves better, stop feeling like we are fundamentally flawed and failing and to find a way to explain how it is to those around us, whatever our circumstances.

I hadn't read it but I've definitely hit that epiphany/brick wall where my coping strategies and defenses are all failing. I don't have children (think I somehow knew I wouldn't cope with that) and my life is quite small, diagnosed years ago with depression (not now) I've persistently tried to push past social anxiety by doing new things and being around people but it just never gets easier.  A few years ago I began to get shaky hands when something made me really anxious and I found that could be controlled with beta blockers when absolutely necessary around other strangers - double the stress if you look like a complete freak as well as feeling like one and triple trauma of not being able to be invisible!

Recently the shaking has become almost constant at the slightest thought of having to 'do' anything, even things I want to do, among people I feel safe with, hence the need for urgent analysis, I'm not even sure now when I first stumbled across Asperger/ASD and empathy being irrelevant but it was instant shock and recognition.  Feels like I've been looking at life through the wrong lens always and that is pretty devastating.  A perfectionist who tries to make everything as good as it can be finding they were operating from completely the wrong premise is a bitter blow, I can just about see the black humour in it.

What next?  Keep reading and thinking I guess but I don't have a clue what or how to change things, or even who I am anymore, it's a huge comfort somehow to have found you all here, sincere thank yous for talking and best wishes all.

I'm really confused about which 'reply' button to hit so plumped for the bottom one!  Hello Welly and Misfit, you've all got me crying again, I'm sure we are all very different but so much commonality too. It breaks my heart that there is so much suffering out there in the name of trying to fit in with something we are all realising we never will fit into.

Even here, trying to type this I'm wary of not offending anyone and being rejected, it's such an ingrained mindset.  This thread has got so long and there's so much content that it's easy to get lost... I think we are all reading so much in a desperate attempt to understand ourselves better, stop feeling like we are fundamentally flawed and failing and to find a way to explain how it is to those around us, whatever our circumstances.

I hadn't read it but I've definitely hit that epiphany/brick wall where my coping strategies and defenses are all failing. I don't have children (think I somehow knew I wouldn't cope with that) and my life is quite small, diagnosed years ago with depression (not now) I've persistently tried to push past social anxiety by doing new things and being around people but it just never gets easier.  A few years ago I began to get shaky hands when something made me really anxious and I found that could be controlled with beta blockers when absolutely necessary around other strangers - double the stress if you look like a complete freak as well as feeling like one and triple trauma of not being able to be invisible!

Recently the shaking has become almost constant at the slightest thought of having to 'do' anything, even things I want to do, among people I feel safe with, hence the need for urgent analysis, I'm not even sure now when I first stumbled across Asperger/ASD and empathy being irrelevant but it was instant shock and recognition.  Feels like I've been looking at life through the wrong lens always and that is pretty devastating.  A perfectionist who tries to make everything as good as it can be finding they were operating from completely the wrong premise is a bitter blow, I can just about see the black humour in it.

What next?  Keep reading and thinking I guess but I don't have a clue what or how to change things, or even who I am anymore, it's a huge comfort somehow to have found you all here, sincere thank yous for talking and best wishes all.

Yes the tremors can be a bit scary. And am aware look odd too. Plus they are really tiring. So have to try extra hard to pace myself especially with things I find stressful but sometimes just not possible. Then I need loads of shutdown time to recover. So being in unknown environment was possibly stressful because you have to concentrate so much more and the build up to going and the extra mixing with people for longer... sounds a typical time for it to happen. Dr who I respected for diagnosis said we put so much effort into "being normal" joining/fitting in that it eventually takes a toll on our bodies. Taking the example from pain management we have to learn to pace ourselves. I find the spoons theory a good analogy for me and a different way to think about how we use our energy https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/.  

That has been my experience of antidepressants too I couldn't tolerate them with similar effect. My Gp asks from time to time if I want to try them again but no thanks. It is tricky to find help with this. However speaking to others with long term depression we know it comes in waves but still hard to wade through the treacle until it eases again. And it makes me appreciate the little things in life more because every nugget of that's good/ ok/ beautiful counts. 

Hello again Misfit, I have had two occasions where the trembling hands has turned into whole body tremor and it was quite terrifying.  Both occasions where I was in unknown environments with no control over anything at all, this is part of the reason I want a diagnosis, for future protection.  Small steps indeed...

Thanks for your thoughts Quirky Friend, many years ago when I was on the treatment for depression roundabout Venlafaxine was one of the things they threw at me and I think I'd have been taking the contraceptive pill at the time too.  They became known as 'helicopter pills' around here because I had aural hallucinations of helicopter sounds if I was late taking them or forgot.  It became clear eventually that they seriously did not agree with me and made me aggressive and eventually suicidal.  Needless to say, I stopped taking them and have never trusted antidepressant drugs since, glad they work for you though.  Eventually I just retreated from the health services attempts at helping because nothing did help, now I know why I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Thank you to you too. Got me welling up now. That's exactly like me too. Exactly. Every paragraph. Except I get tremors instead. My head nods in a rather off putting way and body goes with it and walk like I'm drunk. It's usually when I'm stressed or exhausted or both. I'm very grateful to all of you for participating too as I have never ever "posted "anything anywhere before so this is a new experience for me. I'm feeling quite brave and a bit pleased with myself. So thank you. We just have to take small steps and take one day at a time. Clearly it does make a positive difference 

Just a quick note after checking my emails at pee o'clock in New Zealand.

Anxiety sucks. It really does. I ended up on fairly big doses of antidepressant meds to get it back to "survivable" levels. It's a bit of a risky strategy for neurodiverse people because we can have odd reactions to psychoactive medication, but between venlafaxine and running the oral contraceptive pill together continuously I'm a lot better. As long as I also do several sessions of high intensity exercise weekly - after a lifetime of hating exercise because of my DCD/dyspraxia, I've had to make a schedule for it -eeek!

It's nice to see all these neurodiverse women regardless of whether they just know they are or someone else has confirmed it.

I also suggest any woman who is want compassionate information on women and ASD to look for Tony Attwood's information on women and ASD on YouTube