Been good to hear from any adult ASD diagnosed women in this forum... or does anyone know any good sites for ASD women?
Hello out there......anyone????
Been good to hear from any adult ASD diagnosed women in this forum... or does anyone know any good sites for ASD women?
Hello out there......anyone????
Not sure why it's posting me as NAS23891, my username is limegreenwelly, I am new to the forums, that was my comment about hf asd and inattentive ADHD! Am sending a query to the tech people about why this is happening!
Hi limegreenwelly
Got your message...how are you finding the forum?
Hi limegreenwelly
Got your message...how are you finding the forum?
Yes the tremors can be a bit scary. And am aware look odd too. Plus they are really tiring. So have to try extra hard to pace myself especially with things I find stressful but sometimes just not possible. Then I need loads of shutdown time to recover. So being in unknown environment was possibly stressful because you have to concentrate so much more and the build up to going and the extra mixing with people for longer... sounds a typical time for it to happen. Dr who I respected for diagnosis said we put so much effort into "being normal" joining/fitting in that it eventually takes a toll on our bodies. Taking the example from pain management we have to learn to pace ourselves. I find the spoons theory a good analogy for me and a different way to think about how we use our energy https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/.
That has been my experience of antidepressants too I couldn't tolerate them with similar effect. My Gp asks from time to time if I want to try them again but no thanks. It is tricky to find help with this. However speaking to others with long term depression we know it comes in waves but still hard to wade through the treacle until it eases again. And it makes me appreciate the little things in life more because every nugget of that's good/ ok/ beautiful counts.
Hello again Misfit, I have had two occasions where the trembling hands has turned into whole body tremor and it was quite terrifying. Both occasions where I was in unknown environments with no control over anything at all, this is part of the reason I want a diagnosis, for future protection. Small steps indeed...
Thanks for your thoughts Quirky Friend, many years ago when I was on the treatment for depression roundabout Venlafaxine was one of the things they threw at me and I think I'd have been taking the contraceptive pill at the time too. They became known as 'helicopter pills' around here because I had aural hallucinations of helicopter sounds if I was late taking them or forgot. It became clear eventually that they seriously did not agree with me and made me aggressive and eventually suicidal. Needless to say, I stopped taking them and have never trusted antidepressant drugs since, glad they work for you though. Eventually I just retreated from the health services attempts at helping because nothing did help, now I know why I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thank you to you too. Got me welling up now. That's exactly like me too. Exactly. Every paragraph. Except I get tremors instead. My head nods in a rather off putting way and body goes with it and walk like I'm drunk. It's usually when I'm stressed or exhausted or both. I'm very grateful to all of you for participating too as I have never ever "posted "anything anywhere before so this is a new experience for me. I'm feeling quite brave and a bit pleased with myself. So thank you. We just have to take small steps and take one day at a time. Clearly it does make a positive difference
Just a quick note after checking my emails at pee o'clock in New Zealand.
Anxiety sucks. It really does. I ended up on fairly big doses of antidepressant meds to get it back to "survivable" levels. It's a bit of a risky strategy for neurodiverse people because we can have odd reactions to psychoactive medication, but between venlafaxine and running the oral contraceptive pill together continuously I'm a lot better. As long as I also do several sessions of high intensity exercise weekly - after a lifetime of hating exercise because of my DCD/dyspraxia, I've had to make a schedule for it -eeek!
It's nice to see all these neurodiverse women regardless of whether they just know they are or someone else has confirmed it.
I also suggest any woman who is want compassionate information on women and ASD to look for Tony Attwood's information on women and ASD on YouTube
Yes Tania Marshall checklist was one I used in my own research. It's got lots of detail and picks up on a full cross section of characteristics which don't really come up in a lot of the books or information. Hope you find the links as informative/ reaffirming as I did. She has a new book out as well but haven't seen it yet.
we have similar interests.. I grew up In a village but live in a market town now so getting out into the countryside is essential!
I'm really confused about which 'reply' button to hit so plumped for the bottom one! Hello Welly and Misfit, you've all got me crying again, I'm sure we are all very different but so much commonality too. It breaks my heart that there is so much suffering out there in the name of trying to fit in with something we are all realising we never will fit into.
Even here, trying to type this I'm wary of not offending anyone and being rejected, it's such an ingrained mindset. This thread has got so long and there's so much content that it's easy to get lost... I think we are all reading so much in a desperate attempt to understand ourselves better, stop feeling like we are fundamentally flawed and failing and to find a way to explain how it is to those around us, whatever our circumstances.
I hadn't read it but I've definitely hit that epiphany/brick wall where my coping strategies and defenses are all failing. I don't have children (think I somehow knew I wouldn't cope with that) and my life is quite small, diagnosed years ago with depression (not now) I've persistently tried to push past social anxiety by doing new things and being around people but it just never gets easier. A few years ago I began to get shaky hands when something made me really anxious and I found that could be controlled with beta blockers when absolutely necessary around other strangers - double the stress if you look like a complete freak as well as feeling like one and triple trauma of not being able to be invisible!
Recently the shaking has become almost constant at the slightest thought of having to 'do' anything, even things I want to do, among people I feel safe with, hence the need for urgent analysis, I'm not even sure now when I first stumbled across Asperger/ASD and empathy being irrelevant but it was instant shock and recognition. Feels like I've been looking at life through the wrong lens always and that is pretty devastating. A perfectionist who tries to make everything as good as it can be finding they were operating from completely the wrong premise is a bitter blow, I can just about see the black humour in it.
What next? Keep reading and thinking I guess but I don't have a clue what or how to change things, or even who I am anymore, it's a huge comfort somehow to have found you all here, sincere thank yous for talking and best wishes all.
BOOM! ! - "I think this is one of those instances where we have to try to feel ok with ourselves first but it's hard when I have had years of not doing" - hit the nail on the head with that one!!!!
i'll check out the YouTube links you posted also. Will also try and play the game "tick the box" with my husband this evening....I.e Tania Marshalls Aspie women checklist...
Glad you gave things you enjoy and seek solace and comfort in and with....mine are reading, music, the countryside (walking) and my cat..., :)
quite a list of stuff there that you're dealing with girl!
Thanks. I will. Its trying to come to terms with and manage all the different conditions I have at once ( I have arthritis too plus the fibro/cfs) My positives are my gorgeous guinea pig, getting out into nature and taking photos of the beautiful formations, recently got into colouring books and using pencil crayons and water colours for the first time since school. I also listen to a lot of audio books or YouTube films. So I do have things that I enjoy.
This seems the ideal place to rant and I have had some of those thoughts too. B u t autism isn't catching! But it is hereditary and often comes along with the neurodiverse conditions.. look at your extended family and you may see traits that you hadn't recognised as on the spectrum. But am not a parent so don't feel qualified to say. The recent YouTube videos I watched would be ideal to teach people if they were open and willing to listen. Sometimes it's easier if someone uninvolved explains. Yes my diagnosis is of huge significance to me but it isn't necessarily to others. They say but you're still the you that you were before. Yes we are but also no we are not. Does it make us a lesser person in their eyes? Will they let themselves see the reasons why we are as we are? There are so many issues aren't there! I think this is one of those instances where we have to try to feel ok with ourselves first but it's hard when I have had years of not doing.
It can lead to very cyclic behaviour which can lend itself to depression, harsh self-criticism and lack of self worth.
That constant knawing away at your self is not good....
is there anything that makes you feel good...any positives about the Aspie condition as attributes and skills that you feel proud to have? What are your outlets?
hang in there girl..,
Thank you for your replies. Wow! It's just so amazing to talk to people who understand tears have come to my eyes.
I think we read and read to find out about ourselves. To learn how we work and how it connects together and after that perhaps don't feel the compulsion to have to fit in. In a way it is a luxury to be able to do that. I think even if people are aware of our condition there will always be those who find us inconvenient and won't adapt their behaviour or understanding and those that will try to. It is then you discover that there are many kinds of intolerance. I also think that people look to those who are autistic that have achieved (or more blatantly autistic )and are successful then say why aren't you?
Its particularly hurtful when it's people you love won't shift their view and understanding and it's then that I reach out to reassure myself by listening or reading to almost justify myself. Unfortunately it also makes me shrink from society. But I hope in time will be able to once more.
hi Welly
i'm married too and my husband is struggling to open up to hear what I have to say about my self-diagnosis....it is not the right time.....etc. He is not a reader which is such as shame as I'll have to muster all of the right words in the right order, in a way that he can grasp to help him see what I am going through - it is tough and I feel for you...
and then what....after explaining....a "so what??", what happens now/next?
How do you want your husband to react....is it that longing to have him understand you better? Is it to check that he stills love you, that your diagnosis makes no difference? Do hope for adjustment to help soothe you better?
i have a child also....which is also a challenge...do I say anything...will my traits "rub off on him"...is my ASD behaviour damaging to his development? Does he compare me to other mums?
phew.....sorry ladies...bit of a rant there....no wonder the elephant in the room keeps quiet!,
Good to meet you! Misfit61. I've really only ventured here today but I'm so glad that I did. I've had a reprise for the last 13 years, I had great friends, I almost felt that I fitted in, but in that quirky artist community I do almost fit in, but now that I've moved away from friends and I've been having problems with my relationship and kids I can see that it's always been there, and I too am nodding and getting that eureka euphoric surge that I finally understand. Now I do feel isolated. I love where I live, I love my husband who just doesn't understand the asd at all. Him saying insensitive things to me has made me examine myself closer bringing everything back to the surface, making me feel self conscious and worried about what I might say or how the world sees me. Oh and awkward....he says I just want to argue, I just say I see things differently! There's a whole lot going on at the moment but I will work it out!
It is such a shame that we feel so isolated in our ASD silos. I keep reading and reading also...are we just trying to scan the books for clues in terms of how to move forward and rid ourselves of this persistent need to fit in??
whose role is in to adjust? Do other people just need to be more aware of our condition....if so, how do you express this?
i read somewhere that ASD throws itself out there when we realise that our coping and masking strategies just aren't working any more! I think we are a vulnerable group especially with the increased likelihood of depression, anxiety and risk of being exploited by others.
I am jus an elephant...but there might more than in this room! ;)
welcome to this chat stream....good to see some more women coming out of the woodwork!
best wishes to you
Hello. I'm new and not posted before -lurking in the background too. I am struggling with the isolation/solitude issue as well. My string of diagnosis came in dribs and drabs. I'm 55 now and for many years had multiple conditions. I didn't feel the depression/anxiety /fibromyalgia/cfs was the root cause. When I kept bumping into people, dropping things etc a colleague said " have you got dyspraxia or something?" Of course that started research on the topic and not stopped researching since. As of October last year my neuro diagnosis is now dcd, adhd and autism/asd. Like many of late diagnosis I have spent years trying to fit in and never really doing so in any situation. Myriads of health issues, strings of ad hoc qualifications and jobs I'm sure you get the picture. I have finally got the feeling that the root cause has been identified and that is good. At last I know why I'm like I am. I'm still trying to tell myself it's not my fault tho. There is no "support" or groups in my area and the user name elephant in the room is excellent as that's how I feel within my family and the older I have become the harder I found it to keep going. I gave myself permission to stop. At the moment this makes life very solitary indeed. Most of the time this is a huge relief but at others exceptionally lonely as my resources and energy are depleted. Finding on line sites, podcasts, books, blogs and YouTube videos have been teaching me about my conditions, offering me support and hope and letting me know I'm not the only one. The light bulb moments of recognition and yes that's exactly like me moments are so enlightening and comforting to realise that actually I'm not being awkward on purpose and it's ok to be me if a bit tough and rough at times. So I am Aspien Woman, Aspergirl, Odd girl out plus others Dr Gould and Sarah Hendrickx on YouTube and for me the adhd podcasts and paloozas have all been really helpful. I love my wellies too.