So, I found this subreddit...
Does anyone here feel that they fall under this category? It's my birthday soon, I'll be turning 31 and I've never even been on so much as a date. In the US, it was estimated in 2008 that c.3% of men fall into this category (virgin at 30-34), but that doesn't make me feel massively better.
I want someone to share my life with...
For what it is worth, one way to start may be from looking for others who share your special interests. Finding someone you could bond with may then come when you are least expecting it.
And it's true what the others have said : cats are great.
I feel that I fall under this category.
Hi, if it helps, I always say: "A pet will love you more than any other."
Over the course of 19 years, I had one partner; and now I never want another!
I have a pet dog. She keeps me company on a daily basis and gives me the comfort when I need it most; she also knows when I'm in an overwhelming situation; or when I'm distressed; having a mental breakdown. They're better at sensing, better at comforting and better at loving!
My advice is to get a pet - preferably, a cat or dog.
StephenHarris said:So, I found this subreddit...
Does anyone here feel that they fall under this category? It's my birthday soon, I'll be turning 31 and I've never even been on so much as a date. In the US, it was estimated in 2008 that c.3% of men fall into this category (virgin at 30-34), but that doesn't make me feel massively better.
I want someone to share my life with...
I'm worse than you. When I was 31 years old I didn't even understand what the word 'date' meant. To me a date is a date. Just a date in a calendar. I wasn't aware that 'a date' was a specific verb with a specific meaning.
HungryCaterpillar said:The above being said, I can only but make speculations from your original reference to the number of male virgins in the US. Does that mean sex is more important to you at this stage than romantic attachment? I'm not knocking you if it is, as that's perfectly valid. However, you have to be honest with yourself as to what you're actually prioritising - sex or love - as it kinda dictates the appropriate course of action, as well as the goals you should be aiming for. If it's simply sex you're after, that's a whole lot easier... as there are numerous avenues towards losing one's virginity.
As a Christian, I want a romantic attachment that leads to a marriage in which sex will be an important part. As for the virgin reference, it's rather dispirting to know that many people have gotten lucky while you're having to shake hands with the unemployed just to deal with the stress...
Stephen, both those clubs will have either older women or men as primary members.
I swear by volunteering as the way to meet people. My best friend swears by Meet-up and doing things you might be uncertain will suit you but seem to be popular.
My first date rule was coffee near a beach or park.If it's not going well it can last as short as 30 min but a beach or park to walk in gives scope for a longer date if all going well...but my absolute time limit was 90 minutes.
My partner and I spent 4 years doing the long distance thing between opposite sides of the planet and this required us to work hard on communication and conflict resolution.
In my experience neurodiverse individuals are vulnerable to manipulative people, so make sure you know reasonable boundaries in a relationship. My partner suffered financial and emotional abuse for 18 years and still has to deal with her (more now his daughter has just had a diagnosis of ASD aged 16). Thing is he believed he was the one at fault for most of that time.
I am a member of a board gaming club and I ring bells, but no luck there.
Hi
Just wondering if you have tried other options before the dating websites?
What stuff do you like doing? Do you like reading, theatre, sports, skydiving, dancing etc?
I met my husband when I wasn't looking for anyone. Similarly some of the happiest couples I know met their spouses/partners when they were just getting on with doing things (at work, in a local walking group, on an evening course learning italian, in a hospital, etc).
If there is something that you enjoy and feel comfortable doing then you may find that you get on with someone who also does that particular thing. You'll know straight away that you already have something in common.
I am on a dating site. Not even so much as a date so far... Two or three women a week look at my profile, but nearly all go no further.
Well, the happy solitary life with a cat, for all of its merits, isn't really what Stephen is after from his original posting on this thread.
Having autism does not mean that you have to be single and lonely or single and happy.
Have you tried any dating websites? This is an increasingly common way of finding a partner. I think that you should get a friend or a counsellor to help you write a profile and then go on some dates with zero expectations. If you haven't even started to get experience then the first one will probably be a car crash but it will be good experience and you can learn as you go along.
If I remember correctly, there is a chapter in this book www.amazon.co.uk/.../1606236342 on this subject.
I'm a long standing member of the 'Never Again' club too & yes, I also own an adorable cat who is happily dozing on a chair next to me while I am using my computer.
I can thoroughly recommend having a cat as a companion, always affectionate & doesn't start pointless arguments about one thing, that are really about another. I can rant as much as I like about politics or annoying things on the TV & she just gives me a puzzled look or the occasional meow.
Cats are truly wonderful.
I don't want to sound heartless, get yourself a pet such as a cat.
Remember the cat has to choose you, not the other way round.
When I was in the depths of despair, my cat helped. I could talk about all my problems with her. She rubbed noses with me and licked the tears from my cheeks when I cried.
