Ex boyfriend

...and, following on from ckillean, your boyfriend may not pick up anything that you're implying and any signals you're sending and expecting him to notice - by that I mean that you may think he knows you're there for him when he's ready to talk, but he may not know that at all.

Make sure you're clear and complete with the words you're using, and you say everything, with words, that you're wanting to say. Communication is one of the hardest things with autism - as an autistic, trying to get your communication across to others and even knowing that you should be doing it, and as the other person, communicating in such a way that it's all unambiguous and verbally complete.

I shut down, communication-wise, when I'm stressed. I want everyone and everything to go away, and I find it very hard to de-stress until the thing that is causing the stress stops causing it. Ironically, my wife steps in to help and will try to remove the stressor - something I find hard to do when I'm in that state. So he may need space, and he may also need practical help to remove the things which are stressing him - so, let him know you don't want to break up, that you're there for him even in times of stress, and that one of the jobs of a girlfriend is to try to help with whatever's stressing him. I think of my wife as my literal other half - the part of me that's "missing" - and even if I get stressed and grumpy, she sees this, understands, and organises things and people to help remove what's stressing me. I win, becasue I'm less stressed and able to express my gratitude to my wife, and she wins because it makes her feel helpful, valuable, needed and it makes her feel closer to me. She doesn't need to become stressed herself, because she recognises this as just one of those things I need help with, and she knows she's able to do that.

Tell him that part of being a couple is to share and help each other with what they struggle with - doing things together. He's not a person struggling on his own any more, he's part of a special group of 2 people, where he can help you with what you need, and you can help him with what he needs - and the way of doing this is to sit down in a quiet place and talk in as much detail as you both can about what he needs help with, and make an action plan to help. You might do some of the things on the plan, he might do some things, his employer might do some things, or technology might do some things (e.g. if he has trouble with forgetting things, set reminders on his 'phone). It's a process you both work on so you can grow and help each other together.

Glimmer of hope here... I had a very similar situation once with my current boyfriend. I was frustrated with him for neglecting to talk to me at all for several days, and when I brought it up, he broke down and broke up with me. I was shocked, and it seemed to come from nowhere. A week or so later he asked me if we could meet and talk, and of course I said yes, He explained that he was very stressed about a lot of things, which he didn't communicate because communication stresses him out more. Me bringing up one more problem for him to focus on was too much, and he couldn't handle it so he explained that he took the only way out he could think of. He then asked if we could please give it another chance. We've now been together for over two years, and I know how to better gauge his feelings. When he stops communication it is because he is overly-stressed, and I understand that now and try to give him a bit more space to work things out. Maybe your ex needs the same space to just work through some of his stressors on his own?

If a diagnosis of autism is carried out insensitively or by someone prejudiced then it can leave you feeling like a stunted outcast who no one could ever care for. Perhaps your boyfriend experienced that. Perhaps he's been left feeling that he could never make you happy.

You could reassure him that to you he is the same person as ever and you still care for him. Diagnosis in later life is a massive thing and there is no support given to cope with the aftershock and reassessment of your whole life in the light of your new identity. I'm afraid its going to be a steep learning curve for both of you but i hope he can build a new version of himself as a happy and fulfilled autistic person.

I wish you both heaps of luck

Is having a family a requirement for you? Maybe he doesn't want to have children.