Published on 12, July, 2020
hi,
im not sure if it's my bipolar depression or aspergers taking over but I am struggling to improve in psychodynamic therapy because all I can see is the futility in life. I'm married without children and too old for them now. I only really stay alive for my husband, I have a couple of friends who I see occasionally, my parents are alive but I am not on speaking terms with them because they will not accept my diagnoses. I can't work because I burnt out and find being around people regularly unbearable and anyway, they reject me pretty quickly. I've never really had a social life or been part of a group, im unable to have special interests because I have no energy or interest in things due to inertia and tiredness perhaps partly caused by meds. I fail to see what the point of life is as I can't find any meaning to it. Do others struggle with this?
Hi Gojojo
I can't say whether your feelings are best described by depression or mid-life crisis or something else. I've done the depression thing and have gone through mid-lefe so know something about that so You have my sympathy.
Have you seen this website therecoveryletters.com/the-recovery-letters ? I heard about it on All In the Mind on radio4 and I think it is a good place to go if you think you might be suffering from depression or something related to that.
It sounds to me that you could benefit from doing something for yourself rather than doing things for your husband or anyone else. Be kind to yourself and indulge yourself a bit.
The other suggestion is that you could do well to get some professional advice and/or find people to talk to - your GP is a good place to start or there is saneline www.sane.org.uk/.../helpline
Gojojo,
ive experienced these feelings...the futility of life...to become something only to have it taken away by the grim inevitability of death. Im still recovering from depression. I lay in bed a lot not doing much. But im trying to get better.
The only advice i can give is that to combat this you have to realise that this whole mode of thinking is a sickness. And you need to discard this mode of thinking like you would discard a punctured tire...both will get you nowhere my friend.
Recognising that this is a type of thinking that drags you down and that needs to be discarded in favour of something more positive is essential.
my depression has made me cynical, which reinforces my depression and prevents me from adopting positive modes of thinking that would turn my life around. I understand the struggle and despite all this i want a happy life that makes me feel alive and grateful.
I also struggle with that feeling of existential emptiness very often - it turns me into a total hermit for days or weeks at a time.
One thing that I can suggest that has helped me, is to become more active on forums like this one. There are many people who can benefit from the advice and understanding of other people on the spectrum - and those of us that are a little older have a great deal of experience of living with our conditions.
Sharing our experience, even if it is only to say that we acknowledge and understand what someone else is going through, can be a great source of comfort - especially for people first discovering their diagnosis.
It has certainly given my life a little more meaning to feel that I can help the occasional stranger in some small way, and also to see that whatever I am going through, I am not alone in having the feelings that I do.
This sounds like what i call existential depression...i go through it. Awaiting help still...
Hello gojojo.
Firstly, I am sorry you feel this way. But yes, I do understand - only too well.
Secondly, do you have any support? Eg CMHT? Could you contact someone and explain this and maybe ask about the impact of the meds and if they could be altered?
Thirdly, have you ever tried online peer support elsewhere? I use elefriends run by mind. It may help...
Finally, hang on and sorry I can't be of actual help.