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Every job I've had leads to everyone hating me and me walking out

poorlittlefish

I've not been diagnosed with Asperger's, but recently I had a long chat with someone with whom I shared so many traits/viewpoints and it turned out he'd been diagnosed.

My problem is that I start off well at every job, but within a year or two things go incredibly wrong, I feel that people gang up on me and I end up walking out. I can't cope with meetings: I can't think of anything to say, if I do say something it's ignored and I get told I project a 'negative attitude'. At breaks no-one talks to me. I feel like a caged bird, desperate to escape, and if anything overruns beyond the time it was supposed to finish, I get very angry and resentful.

I excel at time management, organisation and anything that requires loads of detail, but no matter how hard I try people accuse me of being unapproachable or I get criticised for things that others get away with. I help others as much as I can, but I get told I don't! I give praise and support, but am told I don't! I go out of my way to be friendly to people, but I'm told I don't! It's like it doesn't matter what I do I get picked on for it. My cards are marked, so to speak, because I am incredibly honest all the time and believe in justice, and people don't like the challenge. I find it almost impossible to manage my emotions and become either a blubbering wreck or 'aggressive' because I will defend myself if I feel something is unfair.

I'm getting to the point where I'm likely to walk out of another job because I can't stand what I perceive to be victimisation. Clearly the issue must be me, or the pattern wouldn't have repeated itself three times now. I just can't work with people; they have agendas that I really cannot understand.

Does anyone else experience these kinds of problems at work?

  • I can totally relate!! I am an accountant so I have a lot of autonomy in my office as well as solitude. But, boy when it comes to new coworkers, kapow!! It is a disaster!! She was rude, is unapproachable, says innapropriate things, sends innappropriate emails ( I can argue till I'm blue in the face about what is considered innapropriate, but to no ado) Gah, it never ends. People eventually get used to me and mostly warm up, but a few always hate me. Sometimes the hubs points out people give looks to me or avoid me. I don't recognize these things easily, but then it bothers me when i find out about it. Couldn't people just get over themselves?? So frustrating. The only reason I usually separate from a company is when I leave for a better opportunity, but the ONLY reason they keep me at first is because I'm very good at what I do. I have gotten fired from a couple of jobs within 2 months because of it though.

  • As a parent of a seventeen year old with ASD I can empathise with all of your comments. The only thing you are all guilty of is telling the truth, which I think is refreshing. People are not used to dealing with people who don't put a sugar coating on everything and suck up to who they're meant to. I admire your honesty. Good luck all of you.

  • @poorlittlefish

    As you can see just about everyone on the spectrum has social issues.

    I am also on the spectrum but I also have a personality disorder which puts me in the parameters of being a Psychopath/Sociopath. I suffer from the issues you face all the time but instead of letting the emotions of co-workers get to me I ignore their critic and tell them straight that they are the problem and not me.

    I personally think you may suffer from lack of empathy. There is nothing wrong with this. Some people have little to no emotional intelligence in the ways they relate to others.

    The solution is quit trying to fit into the herd mentality of those outside the spectrum. Do your job to the best of your ability and find a boss who cares more about profit, results and innovation.

    The sheep of the herd will always whine that you don't consider their feelings but lets be honest if the corporation your in is more about being a happy little family than a profit making machine you may as well start looking for another job because the coming recession will bankrupt most of these jobsworth businesses.

    Take my answers with a pinch of salt. 
     

  • I have just walked out of two jobs in the past year for the same reasons most of you mention. I felt bullied and criticised and hated all the politics, favouritism and manipulative games that seem to be the norm in most workplaces. 

    I only lasted four months in the second job. It was like my brain just shut down and I could simply not stand it any longer. So after a very upsetting day I just left and could not go back.

    i now wonder if I will ever be able to work again. It is sad because I can enjoy working but it has to be a specific environment where I don't feel I have to compete with everyone or get involved in politics or mind games. 

    I am going to look at doing something completely different once I find the courage and confidence to go back to work.

  • well poorlittlefish - me too! I'm feeling particularly hated and alone right now. I'm self employed, and even the cleaner bullies me.  DLA and WTC go a long way to keeping me going but I'm so afraid I'm going to lose that stability. Just had a customer threatening to report me for benefit fraud because i can only afford to take cash payments - and I'm so worried but what can I do when even my customers can sense that I'm bully-able?I do realise it must be me where the problem lies, but no idea what to do about it. Anyway you are definitely not alone.

  • Poorlittlefish, this topic of conversation is so, so, so pertinent to me in recent weeks. I relate to nearly every issue you have mentioned coming up against, and truly thought it was just me.

    I sit on the sidelines and feel so excluded from conversation or humour, never knowing what to say, when to say it or who to say it to. No matter how hard I try, I never seem to advance like those around me do, and seem to have a whispered reputation of being "difficult", "whingy" or "over-emotional" - simply because I, like you, defend what I think is just and burn up at some of the incompetence and unfairness I must stand by and endure.

    Truthfully it is getting me down, and I am seeking a way out, but it is not forthcoming. My Manager knows of my condition, but not the first thing about what it mean for me or how they can support me.

    I recognise this has become a slightly self-pitying rant, sorry! Just please... Know you are definitely, DEFINITELY not alone! 

  • Poorlittlefish I have been in and out of jobs all my life lasting no more than two years with the exception of my last job the NHS where I worked for 12 years. I had new management that interfered with the way I worked, I got bullied to the extent that I went off sick for 12 months with stress and nervous breakdown. It was while I was off sick I was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. I was 47yr old at the time. I have been out of work 12 months now (I had an operation last year but ok now). My prospects of getting another job are looking bleak. The jobcentre were not much help. I have set up a company recently but again no work yet. The main hurdle for me is regaining my confidence which after previous work experiences does come back eventually. Never give up hope. There are some genuine people out there you just have to keep faith. Amongst the many kind people you find a small minority of loud mouths who like to prey on vulnerable people. I feel sorry for them. It makes me feel better that I am not like them. Keep faith. 

  • Poorlittlefish; I am not in a job but can relate to everything you have first said in every day life..... and I have been diagnosed with ASD last year.  On asking for Cognitive Behavoural Theraphy with a Psychologist, cutting the story short, they identify this possibility and started the ball rolling for the diagnosis. I self refered myself to the first lot of CBT. They used all that inforamtion to form part of the referal request.  I have other issues too linked but not what you have said.  If you want help may I suggest, if your GP is approachable, book and appointment to discuss that only and ask how to go about assessments etc.

  • Thirded.  Oh, the stories I could tell...  I have had a couple of very good jobs, with excellent management, but both short-term for different reasons.  The first I got because the interview was exemplary - we were given a copy of the questions to be asked, 15 mins before the interview, which helped me answer well.  I kept it because I got good results and they left me to it.  The second I got because they valued intelligence in candidates, and kept because working with extremely 'challenging' adults didn't bother me - because they didn't have the 'challenging' behaviours of neurotypicals, and I've been punched, kicked and spat on before, so that's no great challenge to me.

    I'm currently eschewing employment, as such.  I'm nominally self-employed, subsisting on tax benefits and DLA.  They're about to take the latter and threaten the former, at which point I plan on winning the lottery...

  • Hi PoorLittleFish. And you're nevr going to be by a modern practitioner, the diganosis should be Autism Spectrum.

    I can only agree with what 'socks' says so no need to repeat. The problem isn't 'you', the difficulty is the divide between AS people and NTs...

  • Yes, that is common experience for people on the spectrum. My last boss had a total meltdown when I pushed him to breaking point. That was the trigger for me going for diagnosis and I can now look back on loads of incidents in my working life. Mainly, I have been critical of bosses and authority and the insanity of every organisation I've worked for. The common factor is however, my inability to be a good corporate citizen, my inability to say the right thing etc. I'm learning though and am probably going to get help from the Access to Work scheme who will provide training for me and my employer to get into a better relationship. Your perception of victimisation probably reflects their inability to deal with you in a way that you can appreciate. They will resort to discipline and threats, none of which makes sense to you. I know exactly how that feels!