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autistic mother of two desperately struggling

Reggie

I'm 29 and am a single parent of 2 boys my eldest who's 11 was diagnosed with autism when he was 8 he lives with my parents and my youngest son is five and waiting to be assessed I was diagnosed as autisticjjust over a year ago am really struggling to get my head round it all tho and I am so scared social services are going to remove my youngest son from my care as well if I don't learn to control his behaviour as they have tried twice to take him from me I've done every parenting course there is and have recently just finished a learning to understand your diagnosis course but things seem to be getting worse my sons are my life and am prepared to do whatever it takes to be a good mother but I don't know how I am desperate for help I want to start making progress and move forward in life but I need help to learn how to understand myself and my sons Bette

  • Hi sorry i maybe telling you how to suck eggs but this sight has some usefull information on social stories that may help with his behaviour. These stories can help him reduce his anxietys before going out on trips into the big bad world.

  • The national autistic society are great. Make use of all their services and see if you can get a disability rights lawyer to talk to. They can give you the confidence to stand up for your rights and come iwth you to appointments. 

    One question I always ask any official person is ' how much do you know about autism?' If their reply is in the negative, or unsure, I assert my own authority and use my knowlegde to take control of the situation. as a mother of two autistic sons, I still worry when I get any official letter, but talking to other who understand really helps me feel I can take control of the situation. 

    Don't try and deal with stuff on your own. We all need help and support.

  • I had Social Services on my back for much the same reason - someone's complete missunderstanding. They're not very good at listening, they never ask the right questions, yet when they get it right, they can be a great help. I only know this because I've worked alongside them in my job, my personal experience tells me the opposite.

    You wouyldn't be a normal parent if you didn't want to be the best you can be. So OK, you have some difficulties but you've also got a lot to offer, and that's just like any other parent.

    Social Services love to tell people how bad they are. It doesn't have to be true, just as long as they can tick some boxes to say they're 'doing their job'. If you believe that what you do is right, stick by it. If you think you can do something better, try it another way. If you can't think what to do, ask them for their suggestions - put the onus on them to do the job they're paid for.

    Good luck with it all, and remember, we're here to support you  Smile

  • thank you ffr the replies my family are a great help to me and my sons and recently they have been away for a fortnight and thhats when my youngesta behaviour got completely out of hand they are back now and he has calmed down. I wish I could control his behaviour without them tho as I hate being a burden and would love to prove myself as a independent parent social services took him because I scratched him whilst pulling him back from the road then made me jump through hoops to get him back it was hell I didn't understand half of what was going on and I still don't understand why it happened because I was only saving him from getting ran over I would never hurt him I love him and just want to protect him best I can

  • Hi Reggie

    Most important, call the Helpline.

    I brought three sons up as a Single Parent and an undiagnosed AS person. My youngest is also quite strongly AS but is as yet undiagnosed.

    I understand exactly what you are going through. Just because you are AS doesn't mean that you can't look after your son, it just means that you are an AS person with AS children. The greater threat to your peace of mind is Social Services, I can see. I had similar issues from time to time.

    If any concern was expressed to me, I automatically turned away. However, I had still listened, and when I was calmer I would consider what they'd said. If they were wrong, OK, I was happy. But, if I thought there was an element of truth, I'd try to make the changes that I thought were needed. I asked for, but was never offered, the kind of support that I thought would be most helpful.

    Your parents raised you and are now responsible for your son, you tell us. Do they have any concerns? If they have, do they talk calmly with you?

    I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful on here, but you would be unwise to tell us the very details that might help us to support you more. However, I have a profile on

    www.asd-forum.org.uk/.../

    You can private message me on there, if you want. I won't reveal anything that is said to me in confidence, and trust you to do the same. I absolutely trust your wanting to be a good mother, and I know that you're trying hard to be.

    Do please contact the helpline.

  • Hi Reggie,

    Welcome to the community forum. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. Please find a link below to the NAS helpline and other possible contacts you may find useful,

    www.autism.org.uk/.../contact-us.aspx

    I hope you find some support and advice to help you and your family,

    Regards,

    Coco (Moderator)