Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

This is difficult because it is what young people do. In an adult context such behaviour would constitute sexual harrassment - we are being told more and more what is politically correct. But of course it still happens. For teens and early twenties this is key formative social behaviour, and how are you meant to respond if not equipped to do so?

This does seem to be missing from preparation for life for young people on the spectrum.

I certainly remember when teens/twenties being approached in that way but I was sexually naive until late 20s, and did not understand what was going on. I would respond in a 'normal' friendly way, to the extent I was able. I simply didn't register the underlying intention. So I then got more labels for being distant, stand-offish or insensitive. I actually registered an unexpected popularity in such contexts, but I just thought someone was interested in me as a person. I also had to deal with other people's jealousy that I was having opportunities I didn't respond to.

There is however an important point here. If you do not have a good non-verbal social interface you are not therefore manifesting some of the perceived behaviours. You therefore come over as less threatening, nicer to be with seemingly, and interesting for being different. That will attract the opposite sex. But that fails to recognise an AS individual's disadvantages. I wonder how much knowledge teachers, college lecturers and teaching support staff of such potential misunderstandings.

Has anyone else ever been chatted up on the bus?

Nearly every time I go on the bus I get mistaken for a boy (plausable, I have short hair and avoid make up) and end up with a group of girls flirting with me and asking for my number. Even when I do clarify that I'm a girl there's always at least one that pipes up still after my number. Apparently my 'rabbit caught in headlights' traumatised expression is cute. Any ideas how you're meant to react to that other than 'no thanks' and running off the bus at the nearest stop?

I'm afraid I've lived a lifetime of one-sided attraction. So maybe I'm the last person to advise. For some reason (I'm supposedly good looking) I get chatted up a lot. I then get accused of being insensitive. Part of the trouble is I know how to be mannerly, think of others, do all the gentlemanly things. But I cannot socially interact once we are deep into non-verbal.  I used to catch the eye of someone across a room, but up close not a thing.

The problem is we may want to relate, and we're expected to relate, and brainwashed by films, books advertising etc to expect to relate. But it may not actually work out if you have difficulty reading and generating the right non-verbal signals. There have been books on making relationships work but I never found them much use. Its not the rules - I can learn the rules, and its not about flirting, I can work that out too - its lack of that ability to exactly read situations and generate responses when things get "critical".  It means you can mislead or give a false impression.

I don't think this is taken seriously enough. The literature seems to me rather limited to the "mechanics" of dating, which is guessable and can be mimicked. Also it seems people even open minded about the aspergers side feel they can help and just don't have sufficient understanding of how fundamentally difficult the non-verbal side can be.

Unfortunately spiralling anxiety means you dwell on the possibles too much without being able to read the actualities.

Hiya,

No experience as of yet but terrified of the possibility, lifes hard enough at 6th form without the added complications of a relationship, doesn't help all the 'normals' keep going on about everyone shagging everyone else behind their current lover's backs. :S