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Aspergers and depression

Rocketgirl

Hi,

my son who is 24 has Aspergers. He has very low self esteem and often suffers from bouts of depression (he thinks he is worthless, that there is no point in pursuing his dreams as he will fail, that everyone is better than him, that his life is pointless....) The latest bout of depression is lasting for over a month, culminating today when he was saying all those things again and that he doesn't see a point in living any more as he is such a failure (this is a young man who is about to do a postgrad course in history, who has a great hobby in plants and is very good at it). I keep suggesting that he sees a GP to see if medication would help or counselling (or both). He refuses it point blank and says that nobody can help him. 

I don't know what to do and how to help him. I keep talking to him and trying to make him see all those great prospects and opportunities he has going forward but nothing works... We are going round in circles. 

Has anyone had similar experience or have any advice / suggestions how I can handle the situation and help my son. 

Many thanks

  • Hi RocketGirl,

    Sorry to hear your son is going through a difficult time and thanks to Majorie195 for providing some good advice.

    Like she points out a good course of action would be to try and get him to speak to a GP about his depression. You can get in touch with the Samaritans here:

    The Samaritans - 08457  90  90  90 (or  1850  60  90  90  in  the  Republic  of  Ireland),  or  by  email  on jo@samaritans.org.

    Also MIND have  information  pages  on  coping  with  self  harm or  suicidal feelings based  on  the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 

    If  you  need  help  with  an  autism  related  issue,  our  helpline  can  be  emailed on autismhelpline@nas.org.uk or they’re open Monday­-Friday 10am­-4pm on 0808 800 4104.

    Hope this helps!

     

    Avi
    Moderator

  • I think that one of the problems of modern living is that children are brought up/ educated to believe that success is measured by accademic achievement and employment and income. Successful relationships and sporting achievements, follows closely behind. All of these things can be frought with problems for the autistic person, especially if they are perfectionists.

    Perhaps he is doing too much. A tour of China, with all the socialising, followed by yet more study. Does he need a year out, doing very little and finding other things to value himself for?

    Thinking can become extreme in depression. Autistic people tend towards black and white thinking anyway, and this can lead to the feeling of being totally useless: I failed at this, therefore I am useless and cannot succeed at anything.

    In the short term, perhaps you could tell him what you like about him and how much he enriches your life. Talk about his plants and perhaps encourage him to grow food, which you can all enjoy together. Focus on what he does well now and what he contributes to the world arround him now.

    You could also comment on things you see in the community that are worthwhile but not related to the above standards of success, eg colourful gardens, art, community sevice, local unsung heros, friendliness of neighbours, random acts of kindness, good manners, whatever is going on around you, that has value in terms of humanity rather than status and achievement. "I like you today because........"

    You could also leave the details of the Samaritans around for him to see and suggest he talks to his GP about depression. We feel so helpless when one of our brood gets depressed. Best wishes to you both.

  • Thank you for your response, that's helpful. 

    You are right, he has emotional blindness as he was bullied and had a few traumatic events that he keeps referring to. It's his reaction to those events during his depression that worry me. He keeps saying that he deserves everything bad that is happening to him/has happened, that he is not worthy etc. He is convinced that he's spent all 'our' money and he can't see how he can start contributing as he is going to uni. He is desperate to come up with good business idea that will fit in with what he loves doing but is impatient and things that will now never happen. We don't put any pressure on him and keep saying that it will come and that he should focus on his studies and do what he can.

    He has so much going on for him but he just can't see it. He is just about to go to China for a couple of months doing a wild flower tour and visiting people he knows (he did some voluntary work there before); he is applying to do a PG course this Autumn. Yesterday was the first time he mentioned that his life is pointless and that he wishes that he is dead. I'm just so so worried. 

  • Hello, I have had bouts of depression all my life. When I finnished college, I was worn out and needed a complete break. I spent several weeks just reading in the garden, and gradually came back to life. Studying brings a certain amount of social overload, so he may just need time out to recover.

    Physical activity is very good for depression. My husband used to drag me out for a walk in the evening, after work. It lifted my mood a little and promoted sleep.

    The other issue is alexithymia, emotional blindness. He may have unresolved problems, caused by bullying or other traumatic life events, which he has pushed away rather than dealing with them. Bullying in particular, causes low self esteem, because it is so humiliating. Again he may just need time to unwind and relax and maybe any issues he has will surface and he can deal with them.

    The weather is getting better, I would recommend time pottering in the garden, with no pressures. Let him just relax, say nothing, just be kind and let him unwind at his own pace, in his own way. As a mother myself, I know how worried we get about our children, but unless he gets very worryingly depressed, then I would let him be quietly alone for a while, just keep him well fed, if he has an appetite at the moment.

    Try not to worry, he may pick up in a week or two.