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Aspergers and depression

Rocketgirl

Hi,

my son who is 24 has Aspergers. He has very low self esteem and often suffers from bouts of depression (he thinks he is worthless, that there is no point in pursuing his dreams as he will fail, that everyone is better than him, that his life is pointless....) The latest bout of depression is lasting for over a month, culminating today when he was saying all those things again and that he doesn't see a point in living any more as he is such a failure (this is a young man who is about to do a postgrad course in history, who has a great hobby in plants and is very good at it). I keep suggesting that he sees a GP to see if medication would help or counselling (or both). He refuses it point blank and says that nobody can help him. 

I don't know what to do and how to help him. I keep talking to him and trying to make him see all those great prospects and opportunities he has going forward but nothing works... We are going round in circles. 

Has anyone had similar experience or have any advice / suggestions how I can handle the situation and help my son. 

Many thanks

Parents

  • I think that one of the problems of modern living is that children are brought up/ educated to believe that success is measured by accademic achievement and employment and income. Successful relationships and sporting achievements, follows closely behind. All of these things can be frought with problems for the autistic person, especially if they are perfectionists.

    Perhaps he is doing too much. A tour of China, with all the socialising, followed by yet more study. Does he need a year out, doing very little and finding other things to value himself for?

    Thinking can become extreme in depression. Autistic people tend towards black and white thinking anyway, and this can lead to the feeling of being totally useless: I failed at this, therefore I am useless and cannot succeed at anything.

    In the short term, perhaps you could tell him what you like about him and how much he enriches your life. Talk about his plants and perhaps encourage him to grow food, which you can all enjoy together. Focus on what he does well now and what he contributes to the world arround him now.

    You could also comment on things you see in the community that are worthwhile but not related to the above standards of success, eg colourful gardens, art, community sevice, local unsung heros, friendliness of neighbours, random acts of kindness, good manners, whatever is going on around you, that has value in terms of humanity rather than status and achievement. "I like you today because........"

    You could also leave the details of the Samaritans around for him to see and suggest he talks to his GP about depression. We feel so helpless when one of our brood gets depressed. Best wishes to you both.

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  • I think that one of the problems of modern living is that children are brought up/ educated to believe that success is measured by accademic achievement and employment and income. Successful relationships and sporting achievements, follows closely behind. All of these things can be frought with problems for the autistic person, especially if they are perfectionists.

    Perhaps he is doing too much. A tour of China, with all the socialising, followed by yet more study. Does he need a year out, doing very little and finding other things to value himself for?

    Thinking can become extreme in depression. Autistic people tend towards black and white thinking anyway, and this can lead to the feeling of being totally useless: I failed at this, therefore I am useless and cannot succeed at anything.

    In the short term, perhaps you could tell him what you like about him and how much he enriches your life. Talk about his plants and perhaps encourage him to grow food, which you can all enjoy together. Focus on what he does well now and what he contributes to the world arround him now.

    You could also comment on things you see in the community that are worthwhile but not related to the above standards of success, eg colourful gardens, art, community sevice, local unsung heros, friendliness of neighbours, random acts of kindness, good manners, whatever is going on around you, that has value in terms of humanity rather than status and achievement. "I like you today because........"

    You could also leave the details of the Samaritans around for him to see and suggest he talks to his GP about depression. We feel so helpless when one of our brood gets depressed. Best wishes to you both.

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