• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 1208 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

I am in love with a girl, but she won't be able to reciprocate

Hope

I am deeply in love, to the point of obsession, with an amazingly attractive girl/woman. Everytime I am in her company I feel overawed by her presence: her perfect body and features, her voice, her manner, her intellect, everything. Even on a forum,  I am not confident enough to say what this person does or how I know her, but I do not see her that often and she is only an acquaintance of mine. I think she is probably straight, although I don't know this,  and love is blind. It is hard having Asperger's and being a ***.

I have always been obsessed with people, but this one is particularly extreme. I think about her every day, and feel full of excitement whenever I get to be with her.

What can I do? The thing is, I yearn for a relationship with another woman, but I don't know how to find this. But I am just as capable of love as anyone else, and this obsession is making me cry and feel anxious, as well as happy. I can't even talk about it with my therapst - I can tell no-one!

  • In response to your questions, she does not yet know I am gay but part of me would love to tell her this. But I always feel vulnerable disclosing my orientation in case people are judgemental or negative.

    Yes, she has a partner so I would not be able to be with her in any case. She is, I think, oblivious to my feelings for her.

    I have considered gay dating sites but I find them rather intimidating.

  • Hi Hope,

       I'm so sorry, when I read your earlier post I didn't make the link that you were currently attracted to one individual. It seemed very general.

    Can I ask, a few questions, Does she know you are gay? Is she with someone just now? and do you feel she has any idea that you like her?

    Reading others is extremly difficult, I know. I've always been completely unaware in knowing when someone likes me, it always comes as a huge shock.

    It's difficult to know what to advise. As you say, you don't see her often and she's an aquaintance. I take it the aquaintances you know her through, don't realize either.

    If I've found someone I like, attractive, I've always used the direct approach, to avoid any misunderstanding, but it's a judgement call really. I've always tried to establish that they don't have a partner first, to minimize either embarrassing myself or making things more awkward than they need to be. For the most part, people have taken it as a compliment, but I don't believe their is ever an easy solution. Making it known you are interested in someone, makes you feel vulnerable, but you shouldn't feel bad if you are ever rebuffed. Like you say, we cannot help who we fall in love with. If you do choose to talk with her about it, at least you will have an answer.

    Can I ask, have you considered using a dating agency for gay singles. At least this would rule out the possibility of the individual being straight. In addition, you know that others on the site are also looking for a partner.

    Just a few thoughts

     

  • Im not sure I know what to suggest Hope other than maybe you need to just keep the friendship going and don't jeopordise by thinking too much into it at this stage.  You would need to know more about her life, past etc to build up a picture of wether she is straight or not too.  Maybe just suggest some fun things to do to get to know each other a lot better and if it's meant to be then it will progress from there.

    try not to stress, instead think of some things you could suggest to do if the situation arises., ie - cinema, shopping, bowling -  anything that you would both have fun doing xx