Published on 12, July, 2020
Quick request for advice.
Last september I had a devastating blow when my career path was stopped in my last year of training. Since then I have been unable to fully move on and I am still unable to let it go. I think about was has happened everyday fixating on it and replaying it and the causes.
It is making me unwell with growing low self esteem and my ability to cope with it is getting more difficult. I struggle to process the pain that comes with replaying it and this manifests in physically unhealthy ways.
What I am asking for is any ways that have helped others to let go of unhealthy fixations.
Any formulas for letting go of things that are painful and moving forward?
Thank you
Thank you for your replies.
I have found them helpful.
you need to find a way of stopping negative reinforcement cycles and going through all the possible outcomes/permutations.
The latter can be eased by writing down some feasibility charts. How likely is that particular outcome? By writing down all the possible vectors in a given situation you can write down comments on them, and even look up things on the web to try to diffuse them. This takes them out of your head onto paper.
With spiralling anxiety you need to develop break codes. This takes time. I now have reactions that spark off fairly early like "I've had enough of this", "stop this is going nowhere". They are enough just to deflect the adverse thought for a short while. Initially physical pain can do this - flicking your ear, or have a strong elastic band on your wrist and twang it hard on the inside of your wrist.
There is a disposition to dwell on unresolved issues like losing jobs. The other way to look at it is the loss of the job may be a new beginning, if you can enable the new beginning to crystallize.
I think you need to experiment to find the best way for you. Personally I find I have to let the emotions come. It is horrible but they always somehow burn themselves out and then I can move on. Sometimes a shutdown is needed to kind of press the "reset button".
Distraction and focusing on something else may work, but may also cause you to push down the negative emotions. If you are just ruminating, focus on your next step and work towards that. But don't forget to do things that you enjoy.
The problem with autism is that we are all so very different and what works for someone may not work for someone else.
Hi there im sorry to hear about your career experiences.My advice would be to try and look forward and focus on the positive.I believe there are plenty of choices career wise so there is a wide range to choose from.I would say try and focus on your passions and make another career towards them example maybe animals or charity work or anything your passionate about.I understand that when we have a dream and things dont go to plan it can leave us feeling awful but my advice would be to try and follow another dream there plenty of opportunities out there.All the best.