Published on 12, July, 2020
Are there any other people on this forum with Asperger's who literally have no friends at this point in time, and that includes being in a relationship?
I have had friends before, but not since I was 11 years old, and the friendships I had as a child usually broke down after only a few weeks. I have a history of struggling to maintain friendships, although they were enjoyable while they lasted, but once I started secondary school, making friends became completely insurmountable. I became a loner, the kid no-one talked to, and I amused myself. Not that I really minded this at the time, because I had my own interests to fall back on, and I soon came to the conclusion that small talk was too difficult, pointless, and often boring. Why bother with something that is so difficult and made me feel so stupid and tense?
However recently I have started to question whether or not I should try and make friends again. I do like company, and I don't want to spend my life alone. I want to have a soul-mate, someone I can enjoy life with, and go places with. However I need a lot of time alone as well - this is my conundrum.
Is it normal within the world of AS not to have any friends at all? At school I was excluded from friendship groups because I did not speak enough, or was too clingy!. I tried my hardest to fit in; I took on the quiet 'good girl' persona, but this did not work, so I became troublesome and annoyed people to get some social feedback. Obviously this just meant that I was singled out as weird and strange, but no one told me how to navigate the social world (I was not diagnosed until I was 21).
Although I was lucky in the sense I was not overtly bullied (I was just a loner and removed myself from the crowd), the experience of being alone while other girls chatted and laughed together has left me with an inferiority complex. I often feel diminutive both literally (I am very small anyway) and figuratively; there is a feeling that I am diseased, dirty, and completely unlikeable. Most of the time these feelings are repressed, but theu come to the surface from time to time - a legacy of social exclusion.
Am I the only one who has not had a 'friend' since childhood, if at all?
Hi Yes, I do recieve alerts. I often check my emails on my phone when I am out and when I have an alert from here I read the email but If on my phone I don't follow the link. This then means I don't recieve the next update alerts. This may have been what happened. That or I checked on my phone whilst out but forgot to reply when I came online. Either way I apologise.
I did look for nas groups, there is a socialising group near me. I think they go out for a meal together once a month or something like that. But I am reluctant to attend it as I am not sure it would help. There is I think a course I could attend, but I couldn't afford it.
I don't know about council services or Mental health. I hadn't thought to check with them.
What you have sounds good, I would find that helpful.
It's very frustrating being told i'm rude. I have never intentionally hurt or upset anyone and I don't like to think that I have done that. I try not to say much and when things like this happen It knocks my confidence and I end up going silent. This will go round in my head for a while now.
T