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Autism and can’t read between lines

Water

Anyone 2E and can’t read between lines? Or most have learned? Feel alone. 

Also tired of neurotypicals misunderstanding me and playing mind games. I’m not a bad person just been messed about with. 

Anyone else have issues with people thinking your not autistic when you are and having expectations of neurotypicals because of  the fact you’ve learned so much of thier thinking?

  • in reply to Iago
    Iago said:
    Perhaps being ancient (I am 69) and a late diagnosee is an advantage, as I have not had to deal with workplace drama/politics whilst knowingly being autistic,

    I feel very much the same. A very late diagnosis does have some benefits such as a lot of life experiences, as well as drawbacks such as a short "use by date"!
    However, not having to deal with employment, a lot of close family, social commitments, etc., has permitted me the time to come to terms with my diagnosis without struggling too much with the wider world.

  • That's something I have never been able to do.  For a very long time, I wondered what the expression meant; I mean, there is nothing between the lines!  How can it mean anything at all?  What a very strange idea.  Of course, age and life kick us around, and we learn a few things along the way, and it is yet another one of those 'unwritten rules' that we are expected to know and deal with whilst being armed with autism!

    Mind games?  I'm willing to bet that much of what you perceive as such is your autism misleading you.  Sure, there are idiots out there that revel in being idiots, but most people are too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to go out of their way to add to the misery of another.  Those few that do are usually well known to everyone and fairly easy to avoid, I've found.

    I can't answer your question because I have only been diagnosed for a very short time, although I have suspected for maybe three years.  But now that I know I am autistic, I realise why so many events have had odd results or why friends have reacted in unexpected ways over the years.  Perhaps being ancient (I am 69) and a late diagnosee is an advantage, as I have not had to deal with workplace drama/politics whilst knowingly being autistic, so my second-guessing of others was simply me being my own brand of weird.  But then, perhaps knowing would have been helpful; however, I am not going to spend my time agonising over something in the past that I cannot change.

    Returning to your feeling alone.  In the very few weeks I have been coming to this forum, I have found many caring people willing to share their thoughts and give helpful ideas for coping.  Stick around and join in; it's a friendly place.  More importantly, be kind to yourself.

  • Water said:
    Anyone else have issues with people thinking your not autistic when you are

    I experienced that a few years ago, when I began to suspect I was autistic. That came from a friend who only had experience about her husband and son, both poresenting unmasked classic male autism. She had no knowledge of the research about women over the last decade, or of masking. I haven't discussed my diagnosis with her yet and I hope she'd a little more educated now, as she specialises in special needs education. I don't have the same hopes about the general population, who I expect to be stuck with the classic view of what autism is. It doesn't help that so many people repate the lie that "we're all a bit autistic".

  • Hi there Water.  This is definitely a very common experience among autistic people.  NAS have an entire resource page on autism and communication, which you can have a look at here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/about-autism/autism-and-communication

    If you haven't heard of it before, it might interest you to also have a look at what is known as the "double empathy problem."  The double empathy problem suggests that rather than neurodivergent people having a "deficit" in communication compared to neurotypicals, the problem actually arises because neurotypical people and neurodivergent people both have such different ways of experiencing and interacting with the world, that their attempts at communication often struggle to connect in a satisfying or understanding way.

    You can read more about the double empathy problem here: https://www.autism.org.uk/learn/knowledge-hub/professional-practice/double-empathy

    I hope this information is of help to you.  You're not alone in struggling with this, and rest assured that many others on the online community have shared similar experiences to yours, so you will find kindred spirits and those who understand here.

    Wishing you all the best.

    - Nicola Mod