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Grabbed and shoved

OAP - Older Autistic Person

I work for a major retailer, delivering and installing white goods etc.

I got to a customer address yesterday and there was an issue because he had put the delivery address as one unit on an industrial estate, but wanted it delivered to the unit next door.

The usual procedure in this sort of situation is to ask the customer for proof of purchase, as we are only meant to deliver to the exact address on our manifest, but have permission if the customer can prove who they are etc.

I asked for the information, and the customer grabbed me by both shoulders, shoved me down a corridor, nearly making me fall, and shouted, "They're joined together." How was I supposed to know that? He then went and got the information I'd asked for.

No matter how frustrated or annoyed he may have been, laying hands on me was not acceptable, so I told him loudly to get his hands off me. This was a VERY problematic trigger for me, as I am Autistic and do not like being touched by strangers.

I decided to report it to the police as assault. Fortunately, my colleague witnessed the incident. It took me an hour to calm down enough and self-regulate enough to call it in to our management.

WTF is wrong with people?

He did not apologise, even after I stated that I am Autistic and him grabbing me was distressing.

Today my shoulders ache; not necessarily from being grabbed, but because I am tense and stressed as a consequence of his actions.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Calmer, but struggling not to dip into a depressive episode. Not sleeping well. Rumination is a ***.

  • I once had a work placement at a HUGE Name In supermarkets I wa already feeling bad one day as I was I'll but ploughed on a guy asked me to move  a stock trolley so he could look at cheese so I did a few minutes later he gravs the trolley pushes it I to me. And should I told you to move this so I walked out and never went back as the other staff couldbt care less 

    My girlfriend at the time said it was stupid blah blah but this is the same girl that said I had all sorts of things you with me just not ADHD and autism she also tried to ruin m life by spreading rumours behind my back so yeah her opinion is useless 

  • in reply to OAP - Older Autistic Person

    Wow, well done you, I know how hard it is not to react when you've been trained too. I hope you feel calmer now?

  • What a horrible thing to have experienced. I’m not surprised that you found it distressing as it was an assault.

    After something like that, it can take time to get back to how things were, but the really good thing is that you reported it to the police and your colleague witnessed it. 

    I hope you recover soon.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I have worked in a MH hospital in the past and am restrain and self defence trained. It took ALL of my patience not to react and put him on the floor in a hold.

  • That was assault and would be distressing for anybody, autistic or not. I'm glad you called the police and you had a collegue who witnesssed it. I'm not surprised you feel traumatised and the guy who assaulted you is lucky you didn't react violently, I know I would of done.

    Have you tried drinking cammomile tea? I find a gentle calming drink that helps to take away the aftermath of all that adreniline.

  • Hi OAP,

    That sounds like a very distressing experience. 

    Given that unexpected touch is a trigger for you, it's completely understandable that this had such an impact. 

    Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to recover. 

    Take care Blue heart

    Suzanne Mod

  • People can be so rude and angry today. I really hope you have recovered from such a frighting expereince when you were only doing your job.

  • OAP - Older Autistic Person said:
    WTF is wrong with people?

    I think that the general answer to that is "modern social and psychological pressures".  As for that specific one person they clearly were not being socially appropriate and indeed their reaction does warrant reporting in my opinion and maybe the individual reasons might come out.  It clearly wasn't you simply doing your job well and appropriately - they for some reason couldn't appreciate that and you were "in the firing line" and I'm upset for you - I certainly would be upset too and it would take me a little time and support to get over it too.

    OAP - Older Autistic Person said:
    even after I stated that I am Autistic

    likely a "red rag to a bull" - someone who is that far from being of balanced mind I think unlikely to be able to empathise - hopefully at the end of this they will see they were well and truly wrong to behave how they did no matter who they did it to under the circumstances - in my opinion.

    Yep stress and tension causes pain in my experience too - appreciating that you don't do being touched by strangers maybe under the circumstances a friend could help by gently giving your shoulders a rub or a cuddle - or do so for oneself - that'd be what i'd look for personally.  But being aware that "bodies carry memories" and when they come out it can initially trigger the memories - sometimes they can be painful too and so I try to be careful and gentle on myself under such circumstances.

    Best wishes

  • Yes, it must be very distressing for you, OAP, and I think I can appreciate what it is like to be assaulted in that way because I would probably react the same way, and it would take some time to calm down and, as you say, self-regulate. It's difficult to comment on why this person reacted the way he did, but it's possible he was under stress, and the issue of delivery to the wrong unit was the straw that broke the camel's back. He wouldn't have known you were autistic so I’d like to think that if it were explained to him, he would feel remorseful about the way he acted. What makes it unfair is that it wasn’t your fault - you were simply doing what you were told, which adds insult to injury. Unfortunately, in a job where you interact with people from all over, this kind of situation should be expected from time to time, and for an autistic person, it can be especially challenging. Sadly, we don’t live in a perfect world, and we all need to make a living. Unless you’re very lucky, we can’t choose the ideal job that perfectly fits our particular personality.

    Having said all this, it WAS assault and there is no excuse for that, and this guy should be taken to task.

  • That is assault. It's disgusting behaviour and I hope he gets placed on a PV (potentially violent) list.