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Family Party

Roy

I’m becoming very stressed over an upcoming family party, it’s next month and it’s my mothers 80th birthday. 
It’s being held in her house and a lot of people have been invited, I know it will become very noisy and involve a lot of alcohol. 
Im expected to be there, it’s known I will struggle and shutdown but I will still be expected to sit there and pretend to be enjoying it. I know the “cheer up or can’t you just try?” Comments will start, it’s making more anxious as the day draws closer. It’s actually making me feel ill.

I live there when I’m working, so there is no escape. I don’t want special treatment, I just need to be left alone. Messages are pinging back and forth about what party drinking games they could do, I’ve been alcohol free for two and a half years, I don’t want to go back to the old me. If I was to mention autism to any of them, I know it would just lead to stupid comments. Sorry just venting but I know you are the only people who would understand.

Parents

  • HI    and  , the party was on Saturday night, I stayed in my room and watched a favourite film. My wife brought in a  plate of food and I was left alone.

    All the food was beige as it’s all my family eat,  my niece didn’t attend as she had a meltdown and refused to go out, I’m starting to think I might not be the only autistic person in the family. I’m still the only one who accepts autism exists.

  • in reply to Roy

       I’m so happy you have been supported, or if that’s your experience anyway. You’ve inspired me a bit becuase Xmas is coming and I have a family member who won’t like it when I refuse the numerous Sleepytherings including presents. So far havnt been brave enough to say no but I will soon enough Sleepy As long as you are happy that’s all that matters. Family can be the least supportive out of anyone  I think 

  • in reply to forget_me_not48

    Hi, I’m glad you have found the strength to make your wishes known. My wife has realised that I’m not exhibiting bad behaviour, she used to refer to it as my ‘radio silence.’

    In the past we have done all the blazing rows, it’s much better now knowing there is a reason for me being different. The build up to an event often caused selective mutism, I’m always puzzled by the term as I don’t choose to become mute or overwhelmed.

    Family think they know us, the years of masking becomes very convincing, the comments of “you used to like that” soon start. Our sanity is worth more than than their comments or interaction with some of them.
    There could be a complete thread on the buying presents thing, that on its own is a complete minefield. I most probably sound ungrateful,  but I can’t stand gifts that start with the word novelty. If there’s something I really want, then I’ve researched it for hours or days and then saved up and bought it. Then there’s the “what do I buy for someone else?”  
    I hope you can be brave, another way to think of it is just having your needs met and respected. I still have to remind myself that I haven’t become autistic, it was always there.

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  • in reply to forget_me_not48

    Hi, I’m glad you have found the strength to make your wishes known. My wife has realised that I’m not exhibiting bad behaviour, she used to refer to it as my ‘radio silence.’

    In the past we have done all the blazing rows, it’s much better now knowing there is a reason for me being different. The build up to an event often caused selective mutism, I’m always puzzled by the term as I don’t choose to become mute or overwhelmed.

    Family think they know us, the years of masking becomes very convincing, the comments of “you used to like that” soon start. Our sanity is worth more than than their comments or interaction with some of them.
    There could be a complete thread on the buying presents thing, that on its own is a complete minefield. I most probably sound ungrateful,  but I can’t stand gifts that start with the word novelty. If there’s something I really want, then I’ve researched it for hours or days and then saved up and bought it. Then there’s the “what do I buy for someone else?”  
    I hope you can be brave, another way to think of it is just having your needs met and respected. I still have to remind myself that I haven’t become autistic, it was always there.

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