Hello... and questions? （´∇｀''）

Hola y buenos días.

I, too, was told by my GP that I wasn't autistic!  I knew she was wrong, but speaking in a second language about complex things like autism is hard, and challenging an 'expert' in a second language is harder still.  I did get a referral to a local health service psychologist, but he chose to run some errands and generally be late, so I walked out on that.  Eventually I paid privately and was diagnosed about six weeks ago.

In my learning, before and after diagnosis, I have discovered that autism is unique to each person, so my experience will be different to yours, I suspect.  So;

1. I can and do socialise, but I need to have some quiet time to recharge afterwards.  On Sunday we went out for lunch with a friend; the bar was very noisy (hard to hear and follow the conversation), and whenever the beer barrel was changed, the new one was dragged across the floor, making a dreadful din that I could not deal with!
2. I can't say it does, but then I have several co-morbid conditions like arthritis, so I live with a painful body constantly.  However, if I'm having a bad (painful) day and am stressed (recently had to deal with Spanish bureaucrats, which is always hard work), I will need more time to recover physically and emotionally.
3.  No, but then I have used sarcasm and blunt responses with people that annoy for decades as my own coping tool.  Sometimes it results in a laugh and that's OK.  Sometimes it results in the annoyance removing themselves, and that's good too.

So, I don't know if my experience helps, save to show that we are all different and cope (or not) in our own way.  What I can say is that my seven decades of experience have taught me to try and treat myself with the care I try to show others.  That doesn't always happen, and now I know that it's the autism that is driving that, and I am therefore much more mindful of what I do that is not good for me.

Try to look after yourself better; the rest will deal with itself in due course I find.

Hola y buenas noches jeje  

Sorry you had struggles with GPs and others too. It really sucks :'( 

Iago said:

Eventually I paid privately and was diagnosed about six weeks ago.

:o How did you find someone to pay privately?
Also how did you feel after being diagnosed?! Did it change anything? Better? Worse? (っ- ‸ - ς)

Iago said:

In my learning, before and after diagnosis, I have discovered that autism is unique to each person, so my experience will be different to yours, I suspect. 

I appreciate this reminder because, you're right: in the end we are all unique in our life, experiences, natures, etc.
Still, it helps to see if some things are relatable to other people because often I feel different than at least my family or ex friends. But maybe they just hid things better or were less communicative about things that I've been? 

1. 

Iago said:

1. I can and do socialise, but I need to have some quiet time to recharge afterwards.  On Sunday we went out for lunch with a friend; the bar was very noisy (hard to hear and follow the conversation), and whenever the beer barrel was changed, the new one was dragged across the floor, making a dreadful din that I could not deal with!

I have socialized in the past but ended up needing lots of alone time afterwards and often did (or still do) curl up in a dark room  /\. I haven't socialized personally in a long time so now when I do socialize for work or during commutes to work I often go into shock afterwards. 

My question in this regard is: do you intentionally choose to socialize or feel obligated? In the past I would say yes to everyone... because I like to show people I care. But it took me a long to realize I wasn't showing myself care. So now I've just been avoiding people? I kind of hadn't realized until I wrote this... huh. 

It just often feels like I can't be me around people in real life. Does that happen to you? Or are you more like Lotus where now you just allow yourself to only be around people you feel "safe" with (e.g. such as her partner)? 

2. and 3.

Iago said:

3.  No, but then I have used sarcasm and blunt responses with people that annoy for decades as my own coping tool.  Sometimes it results in a laugh and that's OK.  Sometimes it results in the annoyance removing themselves, and that's good too.

Hahah! I have heard of this tactic before but I can't pull it off! I'm more of a serious type, alas. ;-;
I did see some videos suggesting not caring about what people think of you because the right people will stay and the wrong people will go if you are yourself... but I just can't get myself to do it. I'll have to really keep this in mind because "the annoyance removing themselves" would actually be really nice especially or specifically, at work... xD

4. 

Iago said:

So, I don't know if my experience helps, save to show that we are all different and cope (or not) in our own way.  What I can say is that my seven decades of experience have taught me to try and treat myself with the care I try to show others.  That doesn't always happen, and now I know that it's the autism that is driving that, and I am therefore much more mindful of what I do that is not good for me.

Try to look after yourself better; the rest will deal with itself in due course I find.

This is so well said! 
I definitely do need to be more mindful of what isn't good for me and let the rest "deal with itself". 
All in due time, I hope.  
For now, muchas gracias.  
Aprecio the time and energy you took to respond.

Hola!  Y buenos días, y muchas gracias por sus palabras.

I have a friend who has a friend who has just finished a Master's in Psychology.  Jesus, the newly graduated, said he couldn't help me (not his area and a conflict, as he knew me before starting) said he would put me in contact with someone that could help, and he did.  It cost me 70 Euros per session for five sessions in all.  For me, the process was oddly calm although deep and revealling, both in what I learnt about myself and what the psychologist got me to talk about.  A few weeks after the final session, I got a detailed report, in English, from her, and I have to say that I was not prepared for the emotions it produced in me.  Having my suspicions confirmed was a whole new level of emotional stress, and not what I expected to happen!  But six or so weeks on, I am now much calmer and happier about it, and I know getting diagnosed was the right thing for me, albeit the emotions it stirred were entirely unexpected.

I've only told a very few people, so I have yet to experience loss of friends, and I shall have to wait and see if that's a thing.  

Socialising?  Choice or compulsion?  Interesting question.  I guess it depends for me.  In 20 minutes, we are going to a bar/cafe for breakfast with friends, but that was planned, and I have time to prepare.  On some very rare occasions, I have 'cried off' feigning illness (I guess it was real) as I just couldn't face going.  Harder are the spur-of-the-moment gatherings which require me to change headspace quickly, and that is harder for me to do without becoming a grumpy old man; some would say that is my normal setting.  There are a few special people in my life that I take great pleasure from being around, and anticipation of a meetup is part of the delight in having them around.  But they are in another country, so we only meet rarely.  My other half is a no-nonsense 'doer' and is more inclined to deliver butt kicks to motivate rather than compassionate hugs, but her sense of humour is cracking, and we spend more time laughing at life's absurdities than arguing.  

I can't say whether conscious sarcasm is used, as I have used it so often that it leaves my tongue before I have thought often.  Former colleagues often remind me of my not-so-witty (even angry morning riposte) from 30 years ago to a cheery 'Good Morning!' from a customer to which I replied 'F*** All Good About It!'.  Former colleagues thought it was a riot, though I was being truthful and couldn't understand what the fuss was about!  Looking back, I guess it was a tad rude!  

So, it's almost two hours since I started writing this; breakfast and tech issues interrupted, and now I am trying to regather my thoughts.    At my age, I think I have acquired some experience of 'me' over the years, and coupled with my recent diagnosis, I am starting to understand that being kind must extend to me as well, and I think everyone would do well to look after themselves a little better as well.

Hola!  Y buenos días, y muchas gracias por sus palabras.

I have a friend who has a friend who has just finished a Master's in Psychology.  Jesus, the newly graduated, said he couldn't help me (not his area and a conflict, as he knew me before starting) said he would put me in contact with someone that could help, and he did.  It cost me 70 Euros per session for five sessions in all.  For me, the process was oddly calm although deep and revealling, both in what I learnt about myself and what the psychologist got me to talk about.  A few weeks after the final session, I got a detailed report, in English, from her, and I have to say that I was not prepared for the emotions it produced in me.  Having my suspicions confirmed was a whole new level of emotional stress, and not what I expected to happen!  But six or so weeks on, I am now much calmer and happier about it, and I know getting diagnosed was the right thing for me, albeit the emotions it stirred were entirely unexpected.

I've only told a very few people, so I have yet to experience loss of friends, and I shall have to wait and see if that's a thing.  

Socialising?  Choice or compulsion?  Interesting question.  I guess it depends for me.  In 20 minutes, we are going to a bar/cafe for breakfast with friends, but that was planned, and I have time to prepare.  On some very rare occasions, I have 'cried off' feigning illness (I guess it was real) as I just couldn't face going.  Harder are the spur-of-the-moment gatherings which require me to change headspace quickly, and that is harder for me to do without becoming a grumpy old man; some would say that is my normal setting.  There are a few special people in my life that I take great pleasure from being around, and anticipation of a meetup is part of the delight in having them around.  But they are in another country, so we only meet rarely.  My other half is a no-nonsense 'doer' and is more inclined to deliver butt kicks to motivate rather than compassionate hugs, but her sense of humour is cracking, and we spend more time laughing at life's absurdities than arguing.  

I can't say whether conscious sarcasm is used, as I have used it so often that it leaves my tongue before I have thought often.  Former colleagues often remind me of my not-so-witty (even angry morning riposte) from 30 years ago to a cheery 'Good Morning!' from a customer to which I replied 'F*** All Good About It!'.  Former colleagues thought it was a riot, though I was being truthful and couldn't understand what the fuss was about!  Looking back, I guess it was a tad rude!  

So, it's almost two hours since I started writing this; breakfast and tech issues interrupted, and now I am trying to regather my thoughts.    At my age, I think I have acquired some experience of 'me' over the years, and coupled with my recent diagnosis, I am starting to understand that being kind must extend to me as well, and I think everyone would do well to look after themselves a little better as well.

Iago said:

But six or so weeks on, I am now much calmer and happier about it, and I know getting diagnosed was the right thing for me, albeit the emotions it stirred were entirely unexpected.

I'm glad that over time it has gotten better! I worry about my reaction to finding out or not (since it could be bipolar, audhd, adhd, ptsd, etc. etc. so many things.) But I think knowing a little bit about why we might be or feel how we feel can help those of us who like to see patterns. At least, I feel it would make me feel calmer. Maybe. ⸙

Iago said:

Harder are the spur-of-the-moment gatherings which require me to change headspace quickly, and that is harder for me to do without becoming a grumpy old man; some would say that is my normal setting.  There are a few special people in my life that I take great pleasure from being around, and anticipation of a meetup is part of the delight in having them around.  But they are in another country, so we only meet rarely.  My other half is a no-nonsense 'doer' and is more inclined to deliver butt kicks to motivate rather than compassionate hugs, but her sense of humour is cracking, and we spend more time laughing at life's absurdities than arguing

Haha!! Sweet. It seems like you have a good sense of the people you want to be around and a fun significant other hehe! So, hopefully no one would walk away from hearing about your diagnosis. From this thread I'm reminded that the right people for us probably have an idea of our quirks and want to stay around us regardless of diagnosis and that brings me joy and hope about this existence.

Iago said:

I can't say whether conscious sarcasm is used, as I have used it so often that it leaves my tongue before I have thought often.  Former colleagues often remind me of my not-so-witty (even angry morning riposte) from 30 years ago to a cheery 'Good Morning!' from a customer to which I replied 'F*** All Good About It!'.  Former colleagues thought it was a riot, though I was being truthful and couldn't understand what the fuss was about!  Looking back, I guess it was a tad rude!

Doesn't sound rude to me at all!! Haha. I find it very nice to hear from people who are honest and I think that is why everyone laughed: you didn't have to put a face on as most do (especially in customer service) and it took them aback. I love it! xD It reminds me of my partner, who also gets laughs when he abruptly asks if he has to be around other people at work or will he still get paid if he leaves then and there LOL! (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)

Iago said:

At my age, I think I have acquired some experience of 'me' over the years, and coupled with my recent diagnosis, I am starting to understand that being kind must extend to me as well, and I think everyone would do well to look after themselves a little better as well.

Hear! Hear! I am slowly learning this too but I hope it sticks soon. ✺◟(＾∇＾)◞✺

Gracias por sus respuestas y historia jeje