Struggling with loneliness

Life isn't fair; it took me a very long time to work that out and accept it.  Doing so does not make it better magically, but it does make dealing with the crap that comes along easier, I've found.

I'm forty years older than you and have been married twice.  Like you, I am recently diagnosed and am now working out some of my own history and how autism has affected relationships over the years.  Finding a significant other is not easy for anyone, more so for us autistics.  But when someone comes along who is 'right' then it's entirely special.  So, hang in there and don't let the anxiety get the better of you. As a friend of mine says, 'anxiety is a liar' so put that in your head and let that ruminate, because I can assure you it's true.

Try not to put yourself under pressure to achieve.  Relationships happen at the most unexpected moments, so try to just go with whatever life is putting in front of you, one day that will be someone special.  For all the other times, just try to enjoy the moment you are in, as much as you can.

Another thing.  We are all much tougher than we credit ourselves.  Remember that always.

Finally, being here (in this group) is a big plus.  There are a lot of people who understand and can offer something to help.  So, stick around and contribute; that will kick-start new 'virtual' friendships, and who knows where that might lead.

Hopefully 

HiCutesue96 

I agree it is really hard to make and keep friends and I am much older than you. I think having AuDHD makes it more difficult somehow because we really want company but then struggle if it’s not the right kind of company (in my case). Maybe that’s the autistic part. 

I have tried lots of things too and the place I feel most comfortable is here and the in-person ND groups, but it sounds like you have tried most of those. Perhaps making online friends on here may help, I have found this avenue to be very fulfilling and enjoyable.

Wishing you well and take care.

Thank you will reply in the morning 

Yeah that sounds pretty tough, I think you can get excited about the potential to have friends that it can be overwhelming for people and then they switch off. Just think that it's more that they weren't a good friend match, and you just need to find the right group -don't give up if one has gone sour, they obviously wouldn't have been good for you in the long run anyway. You just need to find your tribe that appreciates you for who you are, though every knock back can really hurt -that's why I suggested venting here, as it can let you blow some steam off to stop painful ruminating. Have you tried volunteering in different areas? Things you haven't tried before that might develop into a new special interest. I know my older brother didn't find his partner till into his 30's, and then only because he realised his hobbies didn't let him meet people, but tried some different hobbies -and did meet his wife through an ice-skating club of all things. I think there is always hope, and maybe when you aren't looking for it, it may just come along, like buses.

I also just wanted to leave the helpline numbers with you, as it is totally okay to call them if you need help and feel like physically chatting on the phone would be beneficial to you.

RE: Helplines
(Someone made a really useful post of helpline numbers, and it shows it's what a lot of people here go through). Do reach out if you need more urgent chat, as I would be remiss not to mention them.

Also, if you said you were in Scotland still, there is Breathing Space, which is a Scottish services -more limited in the week, but open 24 hours on weekends. www.breathingspace.scot/

Take care of yourself, hopefully we'll see you around on the various threads!

It's difficult, I got kicked out due to my bluntness, the group was great but the leader wouldn't give us a heads up on upcoming events,where they'd be ecf, they'd be uploaded to cliqu and tickets would go in 10 minutes, trying to figure which I'd like and how I'd get their In that time was difficult.

Apparently I also made it out I could do better, which I dont think I did, but I apologised, begged for a second chance. Said I'd leave for a week and then come back, she let me and said let's draw a line under it, then this event happen that I wasn't their for and next day she kicked me off.I was devastated 

During this time I was volunteering at a local theatre but they where lapse, and I had a freelance job where they wanted 150 for a 6 foot disco cactus and a shooting ring for a line dancing event all with in like a month. They decided to not go along with it, but I think me asking for 200 was what made the decision. I also stupidly admitted I was struggling mentally and really need to know if this where going a head so I can plan it.

then I made friends with a neighbour,was going great then went to poop because I was too full on my fault, then I find out the above and I just spiraled.

I've told my mum.the only reason I stay alive is for her that when she passes, I'll probably find a way to join her. I dont see hope, I've tried so hard or these past 6 years to create a life I'm happy with, honestly if I one good local friend to do stuff with that didn't judge me, and maybe a nice boyfriend, id be happy, I don't want money or a massive career, big house, non of it I just want to have somone that comes home to me, emotionally, and have a friend go shopping with ect.

But every time I try I'm happy for maybe 2 months max then it crumbles. 

I just don't know how much more I can take, I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, im getting more and more down, and hopeless and I know we shouldn't talk about it but  it's how I've been feeling, 

Hey Suzanne, welcome (though I know this isn't your first post!)

It's so tough not having friends, but so, so common with autistic folk, so we really hear you there. I think it hurts all the more if you are trying and nothing seems to work too, and can leave you feeling very isolated. 

Having a place like here where you can reach out and say how you're feeling about it all can help. Finding real life friends seems an impossible task, I'm not so good at it myself as I get so nervous. Well done for at least trying groups, that is a real start. If you want to try more, but feeling like it's hard, you could even tell us how it's going by posting on here. Just to feel like you have people to talk to about it. 

Hopefully, others might have some better suggestions, just wanted to reply so you knew other people know how you feel!

Best wishes.