Autistic self care

Glad to be amusing.

I think one of the problems with hairdressers and people who have long hair, is that because it's been left for a while, sometimes years, a few inches might need to come off before you get back to healthy looking hair. A nervous client will think 'oh no, they want to cut it all off and I only want an inch off the ends', the hair dressers thinking 'should I just go for it, as they're probably not coming back and I don't want someone with scruffy hair leaving my salon as it's bad for business'.

I have quite long hair and haven’t had it cut since May, it very much needs doing. Your jacuzzi story made me giggle! 

Usually people go for a trim every 6-8 weeks depending on the style and how fast it grows. I have a scruffy pixie cut and have it cut every 7-8 weeks to keep it in shape. If you have long straight hair then maybe you could stretch it to every 10 weeks? Having your hair trimmed regualrly keeps it looking healthy, the average hair growth rate is one quarter to half an inch a month, so if your hair is 1 foot long from root to tip, then the tips are probably about 2 years old. Hair will start to look tatty at the ends after a while, due to normal wear and tear, but when you add things like environmental polution and things like swimming pools, it will take a bit of a battering. 

Also longer hair will look better and longer when it's cut to a sharp line, its an optical illusion, you see the line as more defining than hair that sort of peters out.

I've never had my nails done, I can't stand the feel of having nail polish on and as for all these false nails, like talons, I think 'how do you manage to do normal life stuff, like washing up' I've never done all the waxing stuff many others do either. I did once try and use depilatory cream on my leg hairs which were quite thick and dark, only it didn't work and instead of getting rid of the hair, it turned them ginger, like real Prince Harry ginger, I never did that again!

I had a jacuzzi once, never again, I accidently sat on a jet and ended up clean inside and out!

I used to neglect myself significantly as a teenager. For two reasons, changing temperature when taking off the clothes, and I didn't want to waste my precious time which I could use for making my favourite thing (at that time russian and dolls). Another reason is that often totally forgot about self care (bathroom,  eating, drinking).

Now I do shower everyday,  I forced myself to make it a routine. But I avoid any other cosmetics that is not necessary. I also wear simple clothes, no jewellery.

I hadn't really considered that there are more aspects to self care than the basic physical ones, washing everyday (hair every other), brushing teeth, making sure the clothes washing is done for clean clothes, (although I often wear a jumper and jeans for a few days). I don't often wear make up, I go through phases of trying to make an effort before giving up again. (I'll wear it if I'm going somewhere as it helps to hide how tired I look all the time from lack of sleep).

I've said before on here about how hard it is to get my hair cut, but I was very pleased that I had a trim at the start of the summer after 7 years (just trying to figure out when people normally go again, I think it's more frequent than annually). It's a relief that I'm not the only one amongst the mums at the school gate that doesn't dye my hair to cover greys. Is that more common in this community?

But the other aspects of self care are a real problem, I push everything else to the bottom of the pile and look after everyone else first. This is even more so when you have kids, it's very hard to make any time for yourself then, least of all self care!

Oh I see. Ye thats a thing I will never understand. I'll be honest. It must cost people so much money. Ive never understood things like getting your nails painted.

Expecto_Patronum said:

I don't think not paying for services is self neglect. None of those things are necessary.

Definitely not.

It was an illustration of how far some people will go to care for themselves. 

I don't think not paying for services is self neglect. None of those things are necessary.

I get by in most ways but I do self neglect. I don't show all that often but as far as I'm aware I don't smell or anything so I seem to get away with it. I'm not very good at house work. I don't change the sheets and things as often as you're supposed to. I'm trying to get better at taking care of my physical health with diet and exercise but it's tough.

Mentally I struggle. I beat myself up a lot and find it hard to find activities that help me to regulate. I'm working on this in therapy at the moment but I'm not sure that it's helping much so far.

Great post! I missed that. I’m realising only fully now that my experience is like yours and like that of so many other people. It’s the sudden change from dry air to steamy air, the initial feel of the water hitting the body and the higher temperature of the water that is the main problem. I’m sure I have read of this somewhere before, but I had it in my head that the issue was laziness or autistic inertia or potentially ADHD. Somehow, because water on the body can feel pleasant at times, the possibility of change of temperature/sensations and steam wasn’t a consideration.

I’m going to practice a bit of self care and not call myself an idiot. I agree, showering is extremely harrrd.

ArchaeC said:

I shower every day but it’s an effort to begin and to end the ritual and I dislike that it gets in the way of more comfortable pursuits that I might be engaged in.

SAME. I actually made a thread on it a while back lol: Showering is harrrd

I would never trust a robot to cut my hair! A good hairdresser is looking at and feeling things like where your hair is thicker in places, where your natural hairline is, any growth patterns that will affect how a cut looks on you. All hairdressers will have experienced clients with two hairs and a parting who want the "Rachel" cut, it just won't work on some people, Jennifer Aniston has very thick hair which may have extensions in too, I don't know, most people don't have that much hair. How would a robot cope with someone who's not very articulate? Some people just come in an ask for their hair to be cut and you're left asking questions to try and get some sense of what they want, do they want an inch off the ends, or 6 inches off and a total restyle?

Then you got chemical treatments, these need not just manual dexterity, but knowlege of how a particular hair type will cope or not with the clients wishes, nobody wants their highlights washing down the sink because the hair was in to poor a condition to take the chemicals. Also perms are often a matter of eye as timings, I could see a robot knowing all the times processes are supposed to take but without the knowlege of when to leave something to process for longer. How would a robot know what strength of perm lotion to se, or how to chose the colours for a 3 colour woven highlights?

I wouldn't want to robot massuer either, what if it did it to hard and you couldn't make it stop!

The bit I read looks good, so I’m finally going to order it now. 

There’s some interesting information there B. I hadn’t thought of many of the things mentioned but quite a few resonate with me. Also enlightening are some of the things others are saying. Skimming over childhood, I became more aware of self care in my late teens, but it wasn’t really my thing and I only succumbed because of external pressure and negative comments. I don’t think I’ve neglected my mental health but it has always fluctuated and isn’t great at the moment.

I shower every day but it’s an effort to begin and to end the ritual and I dislike that it gets in the way of more comfortable pursuits that I might be engaged in. I’ve never had a professional manicure but occasionally my finger nails get a bit of attention. I had my first professional pedicure about two years ago, the rest of the time the toe nails get occasional attention. Going to the hairdresser is a necessity to make me feel ok, but I don’t enjoy the process with all the smells and noise. The hairdresser chats incessantly about things I don’t know about, but she seems ok with my occasional affirmative or negative responses. I was always aware that other girls seemed to talk a lot about makeup and skincare, while I wasn’t really interested, and made an effort only to try to fit in and avoid negative attention.

I shop mostly online for clothes because I can’t find anything I like in the shops. I like natural fabrics next to my skin because I can’t bear the feel of polyester and other artificial materials. I know the sort of clothes I like, but they don’t seem to be made any more or they don’t fit me. I have to try shoes on in shop because one of my feet has become longer than it used to be. I bought several pairs of the same shoes the other day. I had to drive over 200 miles in all to get to a shoe shop that stocks the type of shoes I like, and back home again. 

I meditate, and practice mindfulness when out walking. I have managed to keep to keep up my physiotherapy exercises and have established a home gym routine using weights and other equipment for some of the exercises. I’m pleased that the routine has been in place for several months and (to date) haven’t skipped anything. I loathe doing it but it’s a necessity and I get through it by listening to podcasts, audio books or music. 

leveller61 said:

The Joy of Saying No'

Definitely one for the bookshelf. Thank you!

One area where a robot might be useful!

Alexa said:

I have to put up with the sensory intrusion of a salon, plus the social chatter of a hairdresser.

I'm very lucky in that I told my hairdresser of my problems with chit chat, so she chats and doesn't expect me to reply. Thus, she benefits from my listening, and I find her talk of holidays interesting, as I don't travel and this way I learn a lot. 

Alexa said:

lifting the mental worry of organising the house and garden.

Again, because I don't go out often, I've learned to love DIY and gardening. For me, this is creative, fun, exercise and learning rolled in one. My landlord is very happy as I keep the property in good condition, as well as being the one who reports rubbish or problems, so they can deal with these things.

My best tips for chores are:

1. write a list every day [I do mine the night before]-  one large or complex chore, two if you can manage plus a few small ones

2. when you complete a chore, tick it off the list. Looking back, you'll be surprised how much has been achieved

3. In the list, add tasks/hobbies you want to do, and what you are going to eat. If I get maudlin and can't think what I want to do [or eat], I riffle back through my Day Book for ideas.

I know I preach the value of reading this book to the point of inspiring eye-rolling, but I absolutely think that Self-Care for Autistic People by Dr. Megan Neff is perfect for this specific issue. It definitely helps that it is an easy book to read because she perfectly splits up all her information in to bite-sized, page-long chunks. Easily one of my favorite books ever!

TheCatWoman said:

Thats why so many hairdressers talk about holidays, we want something we can yes and no to in the right places, thats fairly light and uplifting.

I hadn't noticed until you said this! At least my hairdresser (who is a lovely woman, by the way) seems happy to chat about children, so I ask after them.

TheCatWoman said:

When I was at college doing my hairdressing training, there was a beauty and holistic dept downstairs

For a few years, I used a hairdresser salon that offered full body massage, which was bliss. It made having a perm much easier to bear, for me. Thinking back, a massage must have helped the autistic liking for pressure on the body, which led to Temple Grandin creating a pressure machine for herself and livestock - and, of course, weighted blankets and toys. It helps not to be expected to chat during a massage. 

There are definately people I don't want touching me, I get an impression of a place and the people working there just by walking in the door.

TheCatWoman said:

On the whole I'm happy being touched and touching, I love giving massage as well as recieving them, I can't do massage anymore as my fingers are hypermobile.

For me, it’s interesting because I am actually a very cuddly person. My wife and I say my love language is “touch.” However, I’ve come to realize that also means that I am VERY adverse to people I do not know or do not like touching me. If I feel safe or like you, there’s a high chance I’ll naturally lean into you and etc. but otherwise I avoid skin-to-skin contact like a plague lol