What is happiness and ...

It's good to know that you have found contentmentB especially with the fear of financial difficulties being present. Happiness on the other hand comes and goes like sadness. There's a great quote by the poet Rilke thats says....Let everything happen to you...the beauty the terror...just keep going...no feeling is final. This quote has really helped me recently knowing that feelings can shift.

I think for me being grateful for the seemingly small things (I realise though not everyone has these) a warm house, nice food, nature and my cat Monty. this is where contentment lies. Happiness is a bit elusive, so I don't chase it.

Thank you all for your replies. 

Hi B  that's a really interesting question. 

For me, football is my "safe space" so I feel content when I am playing or coaching/watching my son play but I dont think I have been "happy" for years, in fact the only time i remember ever being truly happy is the day my son was born and I held him for the first time

For me, I see “happiness” as a purely emotional reaction to positive stimuli whereas “contentment” is more of a result of achievement in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. You can feel brief, fleeting moments of happiness from many sources such as pleasant scents, a friendly greeting, or a good result on a test, but for you to feel contentment requires certain needs to be fulfilled first.

PHYSIOLOGICAL: It is practically impossible to feel content while hungry, in dire pain, or sleep-deprived.
SAFETY: It is difficult, though not impossible, to feel content during times of crisis, such as poverty or wartime stress. For example, I imagine very few feel content in Sudan right now.
BELONGING: Contentment can be found momentarily through strong/positive relations, but friends can easily come and go, so that may or may not be a lasting contentment.
ESTEEM: Being recognized and having freedom to do what you want is likely to bolster contentment through self-esteem.
SELF-ACTUALIZATION: It is impossible to not be content once you reach a point where you feel you are close to achieving your dreams and are confident in your ability to perform at your best.

Therefore I think “contentment” is actually fairly predictable. Your chances of feeling contentment reflects how your needs are currently being met.

Happiness (or joy, which I’ve heard as a distinction back when I was Christian) is much more difficult to gauge, particularly if you have depression. This is apparent in B and Hergé’s accounts. Our brains are all wired differently, and unfortunately for some that means that our brains may find it more difficult or practically impossible to recognize happiness. If you feel that you cannot properly feel happiness even when encountering positive stimuli, then I suggest that Hergé’s got the right idea in pursuing assistance from doctors, particularly psychologists and psychiatrists.

B, medication could be a solution (or, as you pointed out, a cause) for your numbness to happiness, but my suggestion for you is to try and recognize small triggers that should make you feel tiny blips of joy. It’s like that intense “wiggle your big toe” scene from Kill Bill Vol. 1 (not recommending that movie, by the way), you have to start small in order to get to the big stuff. Think about your ideal sensations, such as the right temperature, favorite colors, or textures that feel nice. Start there. Don’t worry about feeling big, monumental happiness. If, even after long contemplation, finding those little preferences still do not bring you even a drop of happiness, then I recommend speaking with a doctor about adjusting your medication.

I'm happy and content most of the time, although it dosen't take much to knock me off course.

I've experienced being very happy and being very sad too, having experience both is how I know the difference.

I rarely look forward to things as I fear that having an emotional attachment to an event will end up in it going horribly wrong, so I just make a suggestion, create a space and hope something good falls into it.

I'll be a lot happier once my MOT's done, providing I'm not totally skint and the electricians been

B said:

I haven't said (and don't know) what I deem happiness ie what happiness is.

Some books on the subject. Maybe you could perceive this as a research project and take it from there? It does require a lot of thinking, in my experience. Best wishes. 

So do I but it seems a long way off. Thanks.

Hergé said:

Feeling comfortable or content is probably as close as I ever get. Frankly it's pretty crappy as I get the crushing lows but nothing at the opposite end of the spectrum.

hugs.

Hergé said:

I don't know if it's something like alexithymia where I'm supposed to feel something but I just don't recognise it but it is there.

Sorry to read this H.

This is something I've wondered about myself actually.

I hope there is an improvement for you.

I just don't experience happiness or positive emotions (as far as I know). I was diagnosed with depression which was 18 as I can't honestly say that I enjoy or look forward to anything, this is still the case 3+ decades later.

I don't know if it's something like alexithymia where I'm supposed to feel something but I just don't recognise it but it is there. The alternative is something like anhedonia where I'm stuck in a low mood that won't shift. I've taken various meds over that time and none of them made much of a dent, I'm currently on a SMS (vortioxitine ) in an attempt to get it to move, I'm almost four months in and it's not looking promising. I've been on the waiting list for rTMS for the last year but that could still be a way off.

Feeling comfortable or content is probably as close as I ever get. Frankly it's pretty crappy as I get the crushing lows but nothing at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I do all the things that are supposed to help but nothing seems to change.

Marianne72 said:

Reading the daily news, seeing how others suffer, is a great antidote to what you deem 'happiness'.

I haven't said (and don't know) what I deem happiness ie what happiness is.

Marianne72 said:

You don't need power, money, fame, a 'good' childhood or good relationship to experience happiness, just to scale down your ambitions and appreciate what you have, rather than what you want.

I don't think that is universal.

It may be true of others.

I don't have any ambitions to scale down and I very much appreciate what I have.

B said:

I don't think I have ever experienced happiness but I think I've managed to reach contentment in later life.

I think the two are very closely allied. I count it a happy day if I've achieved my, 'to do' list, had a bit of fun with interests/hobbies and good communications at least once [eg, drivers waving at me for letting them out, a cheery chat with a supermarket operator]. These simplicities are contentment - happiness is the cherry on top of the icing; for example, hear birdsong, seeing fluffy or storm clouds, a TV programme I enjoy.

You don't need power, money, fame, a 'good' childhood or good relationship to experience happiness, just to scale down your ambitions and appreciate what you have, rather than what you want. Reading the daily news, seeing how others suffer, is a great antidote to what you deem 'happiness'.

B said:

money helps a lot.

Like you, after years of debt or financial insecurity, I'm happy if there's something left over after bills and essentials are paid. I then treat myself with some small thing, usually every week. I don't gamble - that is a sure route to unhappiness and lack of wish fulfillment.

Alexa said:

It's probably worse for those of us who have endured a great deal of unhappiness, because it makes happiness seem more fragile than it might be.

Very much so.

I think you're right that happinness/joy and contentment are different. For me, one is occasional and the other more enduring. Also, money really helps. Although it doesn't guarantee either contentment or happiness, it relieves one from distress caused by its lack. 

B said:

I think that dampens down any chance of happiness (which I see as a free and open emotion) as there is always the thought that someone or something will take away that happiness.

It's probably worse for those of us who have endured a great deal of unhappiness, because it makes happiness seem more fragile than it might be.

I've just been thinking about this with regard to anxiety.

I think that dampens down any chance of happiness (which I see as a free and open emotion) as there is always the thought that someone or something will take away that happiness.