Disagreements when someone is very obviously wrong

I think I know what you mean. I got very, very wound up with a very close friend recently, and we weren't really talking about anything controversial. It was like what I was saying was not what he was hearing, and I couldn't cope with it.

I think the autism probably plays a part, for me that provides black & white perspective and literal comprehension. I understand that many in the UK population are a 'High Context' lot, and this can very easily clash... Essentially - I'll say what I mean, but they don't, nor do they interpret what I say literally, but in a way that their context interprets it!!

this might give an angle on it indigocarousel the original meaning of the word "fact" was something that is done - from the latin to do or to make - hence the word manufacture, factory etc.

Over time it has come to mean something that is a verifiable truth.  So the meaning has shited from something that is being done to somehting that is true.  

My personal experience is that for many people truth is something that they make or do - now maybe they put a lot of effort into it and they know they have and maybe that making ends up with something that is genuinely " true". (or as close as can be reasonably expected to it  Some people don't realise that the truth they believe is manufactured - they just believe it truly represents reality.

Scientific method relies upon maths - so something can reasonably be said when manufactured to be true to a statistically probability.  But when having a discussion with someone who bases their version of truth on a sample of say 1 (ie themselves) or a very biased data set that they can't acknowledge is, then well...

A few weeks ago I learnt how to spell unnecessary - I wish I had learned to a long time ago - a lot of times if I had flashed the word "unnecessary" thro' my head when in conversations with others I think that I'd have been a lot happier a lot earlier on in my life.

indigocarousel said:

I understand listening to someone else’s opinion if it’s something that can be subjective, but when what I am saying isn’t really up for negotiation and I’m still getting questioned about how I feel on the matter when it’s very obviously either a right or wrong answer I literally want to explode.

Unless you are arguing about the solution of something as rigid as a basic mathematical proof then almost anything else is open to a degree of interpretation so it really helps to understand that there are no absolutes in this world.

You may see things one way when it comes to things like politics, the law, economics, relationships, management, healthcare or whatever but even the greatest expert in their field will not know everything and needs to understand that there are enough complexities and subtleties that their "rules" on the subject will not be absolute.

You also mention the emotional effect that the arguments have on you - this is a quick way to remove the ability to thing logically about the subject or be open to considering other perspectives. If this is a recurring problem with any individual then the simplest solution is to stop debating with them.

If you think the other person is arguing just for the sake of arguing then it helps to remember an old saying

"Never Wrestle with a Pig. You Both Get Dirty and the Pig Likes It"

It sounds like the other person is enjoying winding you up over the arguments so they are the pig in this situation - identifying this behaviour and avoiding giving them the pleasure of winding you up is a great tactic.

In conclusion it helps to understand we cannot be 100% correct in our arguments and learn not to argue with pigs. This is the way.

I guess it depends on how you define truth really, even facts can be interpreted differently.

I do believe two or more people can each be telling the truth from their perspective and each persons account can be different.

Why do you think your Mum said this and feels this way?

Some people personalise everything and you won't change that. I didn't get on with my mum to the extent that I had to have therapy in my 30s and I told her GP that, if my dad died, he wasn't to expect me to deal with my mother. It wasn't going to happen. I've dealt with so many people, professionally and in private life, who will respot to insults rather than listen to something they don't want to hear. 

indigocarousel said:

I get very anxious about arguing my point if I might be wrong so I don’t even try it unless I am fully confident in what I am saying.

I'm the same, although I realise now that that enrages some people because they don't like discussions with someone who is usually right. They seek a mutual exchange of opinions that valid their view of the world, rather than an exchange of true information. 

Can you leave home? If not, it might be best to avoid talking to you mum as much as possible. I ended up setting boundaries such as warning my mother I would put the phone down on her if she started turning a discussion into another excuse to have a go at me. I realise that's more difficult in person, especially if you're living with her.