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Feeling very alone in thus world. I know i dont belong here.

Ellie1984

I can't do this any more and I don't know what to do. 

Parents

  • I've come across your post as I was about to do my own post similar to yours. Is it everyday you feel like this? It's particularly bad for me today. I too enjoy time by myself but it would be nice to have friends and be invited out to places or someone to send a message. 

  • in reply to BlueHawk

    I feel like it most of the time but it's definately worse recently. It's like my brain has reached capacity to try and I've lost the desire to even care about anything now. I've given up and accept i just don't belong in this world now. I used to be so much more driven and wanting to do things but i just don't care anymore. I hope it's just a bad day for you and that you feel a bit better tomorrow. 

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  • in reply to BlueHawk

    I feel like it most of the time but it's definately worse recently. It's like my brain has reached capacity to try and I've lost the desire to even care about anything now. I've given up and accept i just don't belong in this world now. I used to be so much more driven and wanting to do things but i just don't care anymore. I hope it's just a bad day for you and that you feel a bit better tomorrow. 

Children
  • in reply to Ellie1984

    Sorry for my delayed reply . I'm at complete exhaustion today and feeling down. Have you ever tried the Shout text service? I've found them useful.

    Two things at once, you have alot to process. That's good you have some counselling lined up.

  • in reply to lostmyway

    To some degree yes. I need the op to help with the symptoms I have so I want it done asap. But at the same time its a big op that will have an impact on my life after too. It feels like a lot to take in, especially when I found out about it around the same time I had my autism diagnosis. It feels like my brain has found it a bit of an overload to process. 

  • in reply to Ellie1984

    Is it the thought of the op that's getting you down, Ellie?

  • in reply to BernadetteB

    Thank you for sharing. Im finding everyone's comments so helpful. I hope you find some peace and feel more like yourself soon. 

  • in reply to Ellie1984
    Hi Ellie, reading your updates, I can relate to so much of what you are carrying right now. I am also a late-realized adult, and I completely understand the immense weight of facing a massive shift in your life context at the exact same time as dealing with health and medical struggles. When two huge things hit at once, it really can push our brains to maximum capacity and cause us to stall.
    Like you, I find physical, unstructured socializing very exhausting and prefer just to be in my own safe routines and sanctuaries. Recently, my own routine faced an unexpected change and it triggered a severe autistic meltdown and executive dysfunction where I couldn't even function in the supermarket. It is a really difficult, heavy time for me right now as well.
    But as others have said, being able to connect here without the pressure of physical meetups is so valuable. When my capacity is maxed out, I try to radically drop the demands on myself and lose myself in my favorite deep reading projects until the storm passes. I really hope your upcoming NHS counseling brings you some comfort, and I hope we can both find a bit of quiet space for our brains to rest today.
  • in reply to emanningis

    In the past i did lots of things like fitness classes, craft classes and a choir to get out and around people but i still never felt i could connect with people very well. I seem to have lost interest/ capacity to do that recently. Apart from work I rarely leave the house now. Im in pain too , awaiting an operation, which doesn't help at the moment. 

  • in reply to BlueHawk

    I have family but I think one factor in why I feel so alone right now is that I've decided not to share my diagnosis with anyone. I've been trying to decide if I tell anyone but I'm scared of their reactions and have decided not to. I'll be starting counselling in 2 weeks through the nhs to talk through a health issue I have been diagnosed with at the same time as my autism diagnosis. I think thats another reason I've been struggling more, because 2 things came at once. Ive been told I can discus anything with her ( not just the physical condition I've been refered to her for) so I'm hoping that will help. It just feels far away right now. How are you today?

  • in reply to Ellie1984

    Ellie, I think you do belong in this world as much as anyone else; it's just that you haven't found your right place yet, but when you do, you'll offer whatever gifts and abilities nature has endowed you with to be a valued member of society.

  • in reply to Ellie1984

    I get that about reached capacity. However I do still care about things. That's sad you don't. Do you have any in person support? I 'only' have professional support, I literally pay people as I don't have friends or family around.  Thank you, I hope you feel a bit better soon too. I'm pleased you've found the forum. Keep posting. 

  • in reply to Ellie1984

    I feel similar, especially your comment about the brain and not caring about anything.

    Heaviness of the face, lack of expressivity, anguish and the loss of motivation or will to do things.

    Taking medication for depression has been quite useful in my case. I wonder if you have talked about your case with a professional.

    I do not have friends because I find that very hard and exhausting. Somehow the way people live friendships is not very natural for me.

    And in a sense , i'm yet to discover it. It tends to be less frequent than the normal way, and have some focus or topic or theme, rather than the unstructured conversation type.

    In the past , i've tried "parallel play" and that was wonderful for me , but it's a pretty odd way of communicating , I guess.

    I hope you can feel welcome here, and that you come to the forum sometimes.