Delayed response - I only know why I'm upset after a few hours - which makes social interactions hard

I feel you, I’m going through the same thing your words are pretty much exactly what I would have wrote.

my lifelong family and friends can only take so much of me being completely "unmasked" in my experience - and they love me and I love them! so maybe go easy on yourself about it being hard - it is for me too (hehe and for them too!)  someone once told me people found me a bit like "marmite" some people absolutely are into marmite - others can't stand it, I've only had one person who has been up front and said that once they get to know me they think i'm lovely but before that thought I was right unpleasant sort (not the exact words but you know hat I mean!) - funnily enough that was when they got to know me "behind the mask" - so maybe that's why it's worth it - and when I do drop my mask it feels like I'm being "new" every time - so being new to it is maybe the trick all along.

best wishes

Yes, I don't know what I'm feeling most of the time, or what I want to say, always a mask. I guess I burnout frequently lately because I just realised I'm autistic and I finally let myself be angry I guess, and take it out (not on anyone, just by myself in a room..)

Thanks, I definitely don't know what I'm feeling or what I even want to say when there's even slight tension

Thanks.. it's hard to take my mask off even around lifelong friends, it's been on for too long. But perhaps in the future it will get better, because I'm new at this..

Thank you, I'm at the same time sorry you experienced the same and kind of relieved I'm not alone

Another ‘me too’. Sometimes it can take me days to realize what I was actually feeling in a particular situation. In my case, it is a more or less permanent state – sometimes a little worse, sometimes a little better, but not really associated with things like burnout.

I can take way too long recognising a lifestyle pattern is unhealthy for me I. E when I used to plan social things every week I thought it was a good way to socialise bit I realised forcing my self to socialise actually made it worse but only months later and for some of the activitys It took  years to reconise) 

you're right to pull me up on that

thanks - I slipped - 

yep Bunny 

Hi Hope and welcome to the community.

I do experience this myself, and what you've described can definitely be related to being autistic. As this resource (for example) explains:

"Autistic individuals process at different speeds.

Autistic people can often have emotional processing delays meaning we don’t know how we’re feeling straight away. Some of us can take hours or even days to figure out what is causing an emotion. Or it can mean small things cause big emotions because something bigger is still being processed.

Many of us get social and sensory burnout/hangovers. We can be similarly overloaded by our emotions."

Reframing Autism (AU) - Autism and Emotions: How and Why Do Autistic People Process Emotions Differently?

This NHS article also mentions it:

"Difficulty noticing or naming emotions

Some autistic people experience alexithymia. This means they may:

- notice emotions later than others
- struggle to describe emotions
- find it hard to identify what they feel

Because of this, anxiety may build without being noticed. This can make anxiety hard to spot until it becomes very strong, some people may not recognise it at all. It can also make it harder to ask for help."

Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust - Understanding autism and anxiety

And as Phased also mentioned, the double empathy problem can be a factor in our communication challenges:

NAS - Autism and communication

NAS Learn - The double empathy problem

In respect of (hopefully) avoiding and also managing burnout, you might find the strategies here helpful:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

And there’s some advice here that might also help:

NAS - Socialising and relationships

It's absolutely same here. I can't articulate to anyone, even the closest ones, what I'm feeling at the moment and why. In some cases it takes me decades to realise that I didn't like or want something. My therapist said its a common autistic experience. I'm not depreright now, but I went through it in the past. It was horrible. I felt exactly like you described- everyone swimming above and me drowning. 

It's good to see you back!  [smile]. Just by way of the gentlest of kindly-intended reminders:

"It is common for words related to neurodiversity to be misused. For example, people might say ‘Autistic people are neurodiverse’ when they mean ‘Autistic people are neurodivergent’.

Examples of accurate phrases include:

• Humans are neurodiverse
• Autistic people are neurodivergent
• Autism is a form of neurodivergence" 

NAS - Autism and neurodiversity

It's a common experiance I think

Sometimes I get sad about something weeks later 

Hi Hope27 

Yes, I too experience this.

Yes it has got better for me - perhaps correlating with being diagnosed for a few years and having got used to being aware i am autistic if that makes sense?

For me I think it might be that when "masking" so much effort is put into the effort of maintaining it that the effort of trying to "read" other people and the social situation etc. is too much for my brain to manage as well.

I can give an example of someone explaining to me what was taking place and how I was being treated by someone and replying to them that I knew it was taking place, knew my cognitive capacity was being overwhelmed and explained that despite that I thought I was managing quite well when in fact I was perhaps not...

As I have perhaps become better able to self identify the misunderstandings seem to be less - however this doesn't come easily.  There are obvious social correlates in how one is perceived "without the mask" .  Some people can be very cruel, some can be very kind.  Being able to discriminate this is perhaps an important skill as who one socialises with makes a lot of difference I think.

Since the model of neuro-diverse and neuro-typical is also linked with a "dual-empathy" problem it may be worth considering that it is not only oneself who is responsible for misunderstandings and their resolution...  So being kind to oneself about such things is important.

Best Wishes