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Delayed response - I only know why I'm upset after a few hours - which makes social interactions hard

Hope27

Even with my friends, I just can't articulate in the moment why something upset me. I can't even articulate it to myself.

Not just that, I can't explain what I want or why I did something as soon a someone slightly judges me or disagrees. My mind just goes blank.

So I get a lot of misunderstandings, because I only realise what I wanted to say hours or days later (when I'm alone).

If I'm like this with my friends, how will I ever function. I feel extremely isolated and lonely.

Whenever it happens I also go through burnout, I fall into deep depression and it feels like I'm drowning while everybody else is swimming above me.

Do you go through this too? Did it get better? I only recently realised I'm autistic

Parents

  • Hi  

    Yes, I too experience this.

    Yes it has got better for me - perhaps correlating with being diagnosed for a few years and having got used to being aware i am autistic if that makes sense?

    For me I think it might be that when "masking" so much effort is put into the effort of maintaining it that the effort of trying to "read" other people and the social situation etc. is too much for my brain to manage as well.

    I can give an example of someone explaining to me what was taking place and how I was being treated by someone and replying to them that I knew it was taking place, knew my cognitive capacity was being overwhelmed and explained that despite that I thought I was managing quite well when in fact I was perhaps not...

    As I have perhaps become better able to self identify the misunderstandings seem to be less - however this doesn't come easily.  There are obvious social correlates in how one is perceived "without the mask" .  Some people can be very cruel, some can be very kind.  Being able to discriminate this is perhaps an important skill as who one socialises with makes a lot of difference I think.

    Since the model of neuro-diverse and neuro-typical is also linked with a "dual-empathy" problem it may be worth considering that it is not only oneself who is responsible for misunderstandings and their resolution...  So being kind to oneself about such things is important.

    Best Wishes

  • in reply to Phased

    It's good to see you back! Slight smile [smile]. Just by way of the gentlest of kindly-intended reminders:

    "It is common for words related to neurodiversity to be misused. For example, people might say ‘Autistic people are neurodiverse’ when they mean ‘Autistic people are neurodivergent’.

    Examples of accurate phrases include:

    • Humans are neurodiverse
    • Autistic people are neurodivergent
    • Autism is a form of neurodivergence" 

    NAS - Autism and neurodiversity

  • in reply to Bunny

    you're right to pull me up on that

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