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Delayed response - I only know why I'm upset after a few hours - which makes social interactions hard

Hope27

Even with my friends, I just can't articulate in the moment why something upset me. I can't even articulate it to myself.

Not just that, I can't explain what I want or why I did something as soon a someone slightly judges me or disagrees. My mind just goes blank.

So I get a lot of misunderstandings, because I only realise what I wanted to say hours or days later (when I'm alone).

If I'm like this with my friends, how will I ever function. I feel extremely isolated and lonely.

Whenever it happens I also go through burnout, I fall into deep depression and it feels like I'm drowning while everybody else is swimming above me.

Do you go through this too? Did it get better? I only recently realised I'm autistic

Parents

  • Hi  

    Yes, I too experience this.

    Yes it has got better for me - perhaps correlating with being diagnosed for a few years and having got used to being aware i am autistic if that makes sense?

    For me I think it might be that when "masking" so much effort is put into the effort of maintaining it that the effort of trying to "read" other people and the social situation etc. is too much for my brain to manage as well.

    I can give an example of someone explaining to me what was taking place and how I was being treated by someone and replying to them that I knew it was taking place, knew my cognitive capacity was being overwhelmed and explained that despite that I thought I was managing quite well when in fact I was perhaps not...

    As I have perhaps become better able to self identify the misunderstandings seem to be less - however this doesn't come easily.  There are obvious social correlates in how one is perceived "without the mask" .  Some people can be very cruel, some can be very kind.  Being able to discriminate this is perhaps an important skill as who one socialises with makes a lot of difference I think.

    Since the model of neuro-diverse and neuro-typical is also linked with a "dual-empathy" problem it may be worth considering that it is not only oneself who is responsible for misunderstandings and their resolution...  So being kind to oneself about such things is important.

    Best Wishes

  • in reply to Phased

    Thanks.. it's hard to take my mask off even around lifelong friends, it's been on for too long. But perhaps in the future it will get better, because I'm new at this..

  • in reply to Hope27

    my lifelong family and friends can only take so much of me being completely "unmasked" in my experience - and they love me and I love them! so maybe go easy on yourself about it being hard - it is for me too (hehe and for them too!)  someone once told me people found me a bit like "marmite" some people absolutely are into marmite - others can't stand it, I've only had one person who has been up front and said that once they get to know me they think i'm lovely but before that thought I was right unpleasant sort (not the exact words but you know hat I mean!) - funnily enough that was when they got to know me "behind the mask" - so maybe that's why it's worth it - and when I do drop my mask it feels like I'm being "new" every time - so being new to it is maybe the trick all along.

    best wishes

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  • in reply to Hope27

    my lifelong family and friends can only take so much of me being completely "unmasked" in my experience - and they love me and I love them! so maybe go easy on yourself about it being hard - it is for me too (hehe and for them too!)  someone once told me people found me a bit like "marmite" some people absolutely are into marmite - others can't stand it, I've only had one person who has been up front and said that once they get to know me they think i'm lovely but before that thought I was right unpleasant sort (not the exact words but you know hat I mean!) - funnily enough that was when they got to know me "behind the mask" - so maybe that's why it's worth it - and when I do drop my mask it feels like I'm being "new" every time - so being new to it is maybe the trick all along.

    best wishes

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