Diagnosis struggle

Hi Dan74 

I think I can empathise - struggled with telling myself I have autism for a long time post diagnosis and then telling others opens oneself to all sorts of ramifications and complexities.  For myself I was almost dragged kicking and screaming from anxiety into the need for diagnosis and then that isn't an answer in itself for so many of the things that was and still do cause anxiety for me.

Anyway, you've in effect told anyone reading your post you're autistic and also opened up about the anxiety thing too so if that's what you wanted to do and it's helped you feel better I am chuffed for you.

All the best

Phased

Unmasking, give yourself time on that

That's useful, I like your wording 'illusion for their benefit'. That is very true. We often live our lives through others as we try to navigate. I have found family hard to navigate. My older siblings don't believe I'm autistic, they think it's an excuse for my behavior. You lose people and you find new people. I have found so many amazing people since I just talk now instead of trying to be 'normal'. I do 'experiments' after having CBT. So now, instead of being too afraid to be myself, I just blurt it out and I see what happens. I've had some lovely interactions with humans which I could never have imagined before I knew I was autistic 

Hi Bunny  thank you so much for your reply. It was really helpful and informative. 

Unfortunately, atm my anxiety doesn't really help with being patient and kind to myself. I guess I'm at the 'angry' stage (for not having been diagnosed earlier, so many lost opportunities etc). 

I have tried CBT twice in the last 6 years (before my diagnosis) and I had to stop after one or two sessions as I found it incredibly patronising (imho) It made me feel guilty because my (hardly any) social interactions were wrong... 

I will definitely have a look at those articles/books you suggest, and I guess I'll just have to keep taking it day by day.

Thanks again for your advice 

Hi Casyellow , thank you for your reply. 

Yes I'm starting to feel it gets easier with time, in terms of unmasking and being more myself without the fear of being judged. 

Hi Roy , many thanks for your reply. It really helps knowing I'm not the only one. I guess some of us need a little bit more time to digest the whole thing, even though the diagnosis makes so much sense after a life of struggles and being always 'on the wrong side'. Cheers

Hi and welcome to the community,

I was diagnosed last year at the age of 57, it’s hard to workout who to tell about a diagnosis, some will reply with negative answers, “ you don’t look autistic. We’re all a little bit autistic.” I’ve heard most of them.

When someone does answer with something positive, it makes it all worthwhile. Someone said to me recently, “your diagnosis must have answered a lot of questions, I imagine it made you quite sad as well.”

I don’t actually tell many people, in the end you will workout who is worth telling. I personally wouldn’t rely on family being helpful, they think they know you, it’s hard for them to understand that most of your persona was an illusion made up for their benefit. I find anxiety is always rumbling away in the background, often it makes it’s self more known, I’ve found adapting my life helps a lot, even small tweaks make all the difference.

Hang around here and keep asking questions.

Welcome Dan, I also found it very hard to process, I was diagnosed at 42 I think, not good with remembering numbers! I also found it hard telling people, particularly when you don't know the reaction you'll get. I do find the more I talk about it and the more I start to be myself...in my 40s, bit late! But, the more you do that, the easier it becomes and you actually start to enjoy yourself rather than tell yourself you have always been 'wrong'

Hi Dan - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

There are plenty of late-diagnosed and late-realised autistic people here, so you’re in good company!

As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

NAS - Other advice for after diagnosis - including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

Before arranging anything you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)