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Is secrecy an autistic thing?

Acquiesce

I'm relatively new to this, and keep finding things about me that directly link to autism... I wonder: is secrecy an autism thing? 

I can be _really_ private - I could give loads of examples (but they're secret!), though a simple one would be that while I'd happily ask this question here, I wouldn't talk to my partner about it, or I deed want them to know I was typing this here, now, on the internet... I don't want them to know what I'm doing in that space at all come to think of it!

So is this also (another) trait? I've seen it in my work context with young autistics which is partly why I ask... it's funny what you pick up from younger, less filtered/masking autistics - I hadn't realised that I stim in certain situations until very recently, and that was something I' seen in much younger autistics. 

Parents

  • So a quick Google tells me that it is, and that it's based around high masking and fear of judgement, the latter of which has been with me since forever, the former I'm discovering more and more that it has too.

    As someone who has pretty much given up on socialising, I probably knew this - I've also previously made the link to my constant feeling of being watched, which probably links very closely to this thinking about it more. 

    l'm interested in any insights...

  • in reply to Acquiesce

    Is it unreasonable to fear being judged, when you know you are being judged? In any social situation people are sussing each other out, making sure the group dynamics are kept up with properly, do we look the part, sound the part, laugh in the right places. Is it any wonder when we don't understand why we're judged or have an intellectual understanding but not an emotional one, that we come to fear the fall out, being the one who gets subtely mocked, and sometimes not so subtely, hte one who goes home early, feeling exhausted and confused? 

    If the definaition of maddness is to continue doing the same things and expecting a different outcome, then we're all living proof of our own sanity.

    Does anyone else not like being properly dressed for the occaision?

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  • in reply to Acquiesce

    Is it unreasonable to fear being judged, when you know you are being judged? In any social situation people are sussing each other out, making sure the group dynamics are kept up with properly, do we look the part, sound the part, laugh in the right places. Is it any wonder when we don't understand why we're judged or have an intellectual understanding but not an emotional one, that we come to fear the fall out, being the one who gets subtely mocked, and sometimes not so subtely, hte one who goes home early, feeling exhausted and confused? 

    If the definaition of maddness is to continue doing the same things and expecting a different outcome, then we're all living proof of our own sanity.

    Does anyone else not like being properly dressed for the occaision?

Children
  • in reply to Acquiesce

    Oh, and talking of weirdness does anyone else here get that feeling of constantly being watched and/or judged? I can literally be in a field in the middle of nowhere with nobody around me at all, and yet I still feel watched. 

    I'm aware of it and can rationalise it much better now, but it's so conditioned until me I'm not sure I'll ever move past it. I sometimes feel it when alone in certain parts of my house even!

    Apparently it all ties in with masking and being on guard about being found out. It's probably really unhealthy though I think less so when you become aware of it and understand it. 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think in my case it's always been more about being 'found out' - I've had that odd one out/different feeling as long as I can remember and very much wanted to fit in (and be seen as whatever cool is) since a young age. Ridiculous really: none of it matters. 

    Dress wise I've at times obsessed over dialing it in, whether it fits the occasion or my own take on how things should look/what works. I'm much better at that now though maintain some weird standards!