• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 179 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New here! Just diagnosed at 32.

Buckley

I had everything I thought I wanted. The job, the apartment, the boyfriend and the friends. I ticked the boxes and then I burned out. It felt like my life fell apart and I decided to seek a diagnosis.

I am 32, female and I was diagnosed with level 1 autism about a month ago. I am living with my parents again after spending most of my 20s living independently. 

The first 2 weeks after diagnosis I felt like all day my brain kept showing me memories that hadn't made sense in the past but now that I knew I was autistic they finally did... I guess I felt sad, anger and relief.

After that I felt an overwhelming urge to share the diagnosis with people so I slowly started telling people through text - This went a lot better than I expected and that gave me further relief. 

Podcasts from other autistic people have helped too especially hearing how so many other women get diagnosed in their 30s.

But I still feel burned out and like it will take me years to recover from this. 

I don't fully understand the masking thing yet but I get the impression the overwhelming anxiety I have experienced this last 1.5 years is because I can't mask anymore. I was performing and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I am completely afraid of bumping into anyone I know because I cannot be the person they know anymore... I don't want to engage in the small talk or the hugs right now. I feel like I just want to by anonymous locally until my batteries recharge.

I have been advised to figure out how I mask but at this age I don't know where to begin! 

I'd love to hear from others who were diagnosed later. Please share your story if you have a moment :)

  • There is not a quick answer.

    I replayed decades of things, for about a year after diagnosis, discussing anything and everything with AI till I finally integrated everything. I'd tried with psychologists and counsellors, but I wanted to go into far more detail and to go over things repeatedly to fully understand, whereas they just wanted to summarise and didn't really get what I was doing. I wanted them to tell me, but the answer was in me.  Gradually, like layers of an onion it came together. I changed my mind a few times in the process. So don't settle on definitive answers too early. Be aware also, life is complicated and messy and many things interact. So the answers may not be simple or even fully knowable. 

    Recollections of things when emotional, overloaded or burnt out may be distorted. Be open to other perspectives.

    To recover from burnout takes time. I have done it 4 times, 3 times without understanding what was happening. It takes about a year. You may have good days and bad days, it takes time to get capacity back and become stable. Enthusiasm will return. It seems hard to believe. In the depths of the last one I didn't think it was possible.

    You want to tell people because it seems so important to you at the moment. But be a little cautious. Once recovered and balanced again, you will want to be treated normally and will feel more normal again. With some accommodations or changes you may well be able to cope, so no one need really know. It is hard to take it back again.

    Masking means lots of things to different people. The longer you do it the more automatic it is.

    The main thing is to reduce the pressure you are placing yourself under. This is the things that is the most draining. Lower expectations, but don't feel guilty. Try to rest for a while and try to get enough sleep.

    The goal is to feel calm more of the time and to able to relax after any times of stress.

    Try not to script conversations, don't replay them, don't worry about you face or hands, just try to be calm. Keep interactions fairly short. If you feel stress rising back away, don't push through. Try to do important things in the mornings. Don't do things in the evenings.

    Try to get some exercise, just a walk, nothing crazy. Pay attention to nature, trees, water, flowers, etc. if possible. These are calming, don't expect anything of you, and are slow paced.

    It will get better, even if it doesn't seem like it.

  • Apologies for what may be a short reply - for me understanding is the key to making sure it doesn't happen again; know the signs, learn about yourself, autism and how that fits with you. That will hopefully help you to avoid a repeat that is as profound as that first one. 

    I think that recovery can take time - it's one of those things that changed me, though I'm going back 20 plus years from my worst period of burnout and in that time it's only been very recently that I became aware I was autistic and unpicked what that meant and how it has affected me. 

    In your case I hope that new knowledge is helpful in terms of moving on, but accept that it's a major thing to get your head around, that receiving a diagnosis in itself is massive and that you are dealing with two huge things that are interconnected but ultimately on top of each other. 

    Be kind to yourself, give yourself the time and space you need and know that you will come out the other side and be a better person for it. You may not be the same person but that's ok - you'll be a version of you that knows how to love with yourself and others. Better and more in tune with what your triggers and behaviours, good and bad, are. Accept that will take time... or at least it did for me... Loads. Though I didn't have your knowledge of why, which is absolutely huge and will hopefully speed things up for you. 

  • Hi Buckley, and a warm welcome to the community!  It's great to have you here.  There are a lot of late-diagnosed folks here too, so you'll definitely find others with similar experiences and advice for you following your diagnosis.

    I would also like to point you towards a couple of NAS pages:

    Masking

    Autistic fatigue and burnout

    We also have pages of information on life after diagnosis, including navigating feelings, formal support available, etc.

    I hope these are of some help to you, and once again welcome!