I had everything I thought I wanted. The job, the apartment, the boyfriend and the friends. I ticked the boxes and then I burned out. It felt like my life fell apart and I decided to seek a diagnosis.
I am 32, female and I was diagnosed with level 1 autism about a month ago. I am living with my parents again after spending most of my 20s living independently.
The first 2 weeks after diagnosis I felt like all day my brain kept showing me memories that hadn't made sense in the past but now that I knew I was autistic they finally did... I guess I felt sad, anger and relief.
After that I felt an overwhelming urge to share the diagnosis with people so I slowly started telling people through text - This went a lot better than I expected and that gave me further relief.
Podcasts from other autistic people have helped too especially hearing how so many other women get diagnosed in their 30s.
But I still feel burned out and like it will take me years to recover from this.
I don't fully understand the masking thing yet but I get the impression the overwhelming anxiety I have experienced this last 1.5 years is because I can't mask anymore. I was performing and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I am completely afraid of bumping into anyone I know because I cannot be the person they know anymore... I don't want to engage in the small talk or the hugs right now. I feel like I just want to by anonymous locally until my batteries recharge.
I have been advised to figure out how I mask but at this age I don't know where to begin!
I'd love to hear from others who were diagnosed later. Please share your story if you have a moment :)
