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New here! Just diagnosed at 32.

Buckley

I had everything I thought I wanted. The job, the apartment, the boyfriend and the friends. I ticked the boxes and then I burned out. It felt like my life fell apart and I decided to seek a diagnosis.

I am 32, female and I was diagnosed with level 1 autism about a month ago. I am living with my parents again after spending most of my 20s living independently. 

The first 2 weeks after diagnosis I felt like all day my brain kept showing me memories that hadn't made sense in the past but now that I knew I was autistic they finally did... I guess I felt sad, anger and relief.

After that I felt an overwhelming urge to share the diagnosis with people so I slowly started telling people through text - This went a lot better than I expected and that gave me further relief. 

Podcasts from other autistic people have helped too especially hearing how so many other women get diagnosed in their 30s.

But I still feel burned out and like it will take me years to recover from this. 

I don't fully understand the masking thing yet but I get the impression the overwhelming anxiety I have experienced this last 1.5 years is because I can't mask anymore. I was performing and I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I am completely afraid of bumping into anyone I know because I cannot be the person they know anymore... I don't want to engage in the small talk or the hugs right now. I feel like I just want to by anonymous locally until my batteries recharge.

I have been advised to figure out how I mask but at this age I don't know where to begin! 

I'd love to hear from others who were diagnosed later. Please share your story if you have a moment :)

Parents

  • Apologies for what may be a short reply - for me understanding is the key to making sure it doesn't happen again; know the signs, learn about yourself, autism and how that fits with you. That will hopefully help you to avoid a repeat that is as profound as that first one. 

    I think that recovery can take time - it's one of those things that changed me, though I'm going back 20 plus years from my worst period of burnout and in that time it's only been very recently that I became aware I was autistic and unpicked what that meant and how it has affected me. 

    In your case I hope that new knowledge is helpful in terms of moving on, but accept that it's a major thing to get your head around, that receiving a diagnosis in itself is massive and that you are dealing with two huge things that are interconnected but ultimately on top of each other. 

    Be kind to yourself, give yourself the time and space you need and know that you will come out the other side and be a better person for it. You may not be the same person but that's ok - you'll be a version of you that knows how to love with yourself and others. Better and more in tune with what your triggers and behaviours, good and bad, are. Accept that will take time... or at least it did for me... Loads. Though I didn't have your knowledge of why, which is absolutely huge and will hopefully speed things up for you. 

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  • Apologies for what may be a short reply - for me understanding is the key to making sure it doesn't happen again; know the signs, learn about yourself, autism and how that fits with you. That will hopefully help you to avoid a repeat that is as profound as that first one. 

    I think that recovery can take time - it's one of those things that changed me, though I'm going back 20 plus years from my worst period of burnout and in that time it's only been very recently that I became aware I was autistic and unpicked what that meant and how it has affected me. 

    In your case I hope that new knowledge is helpful in terms of moving on, but accept that it's a major thing to get your head around, that receiving a diagnosis in itself is massive and that you are dealing with two huge things that are interconnected but ultimately on top of each other. 

    Be kind to yourself, give yourself the time and space you need and know that you will come out the other side and be a better person for it. You may not be the same person but that's ok - you'll be a version of you that knows how to love with yourself and others. Better and more in tune with what your triggers and behaviours, good and bad, are. Accept that will take time... or at least it did for me... Loads. Though I didn't have your knowledge of why, which is absolutely huge and will hopefully speed things up for you. 

Children
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