what have I overlooked before seeking an assessment?

Hello, just wanted to jump in and say my journey is more or less a mirror of yours. Especially the doubt/am I making it up/imposter feeling etc etc. However, you don’t have prove anything. If you fl you may be autistic and want potentially to be diagnosed go for it. I’m 48 female and also had no childhood caregivers to validate me. Rather than waiting on the NHS I paid for an assessment and thin 3 weeks of booking the assessment I got the diagnosis there and then. Still can’t believe it really. If your prepared to potentially be diagnosed, I’d say just do it and don’t doubt yourself  good luck  

Pleas take care not to offer medical advice.  Always seek professional advice for these matters.

Thanks

Suzanne Mod

Thanks for sharing this. 

The "what happene"d may be important too!

My mother told me it was because my teachers couldn't understand me and it was because of my accent. My mother was generally unreliable thus either or both of those statements could be untrue. I took it as the truth and never asked about it again. So, all I'm left with (as so often) is what happened, rather than what I was told.

Hello Again Alexa, 

I have been puzzling about your speech training comment and the reason you where given. I agree with you, it doesn't make much sense. Just out of interest, who was it who told you this?  I fully appreciate you might not want wish to say. Quite understood.

I know now that I was told things that were simplified, diluted/distorted versions, etc. of something that I was too young to understand. Of course, the parents rarely ever upgrade the information as you get older.  

So, I can imagine parents perhaps telling a child that the reason for speech training was because the teachers were having the problem when it was the child having the problem? 

Just a very small thought.
Oscar    

That's very kind, Oscar. Thank you. 

Hi Alexa,

I am about your age and recently received an autism diagnosis this year.  I too, had no-one who knew me well as a child who could offer information.  I did have strong memories of several behaviours, that I had, that were unusual for your average child.  Some of these being carried through to the present day. I also thought about the difficulites I had experienced during adulthood like, more quirky behaviours and hobbies, periods of mental illness, leaving or simply walking out of jobs due to stress, and more.  So, all the things that made me feel so different but I didn't know whether they were indicative of Autism or just plain quirky. I vascillated, prevaricated and dithered. Dropped the whole idea for a while and then revisited it. But there was a growing awareness that I was approaching a tipping point were I simply had to know one way or the other.  After all, I was only applying to be considered for an assessment. Essentially, I talked myself into it!  

So everything you wrote generally ties in with my experience. Being anxious about taking that first step seems quite natural. I felt nervous  about too and about exams, my driving test, funerals, and so on.

Sadly, I cannot say whether you have missed anything out in your preparation. However, from my experience of my pre-assessment and later sessions, I can say that the people I met were extremely friendly, professional, qualified and very good at asking questions and listening to the answers.  Sometimes I didn't quite understand the questions, said so, and the question was simply re-framed. It is very very different from a formal exam. 

My very best wishes for the future. 

Thanks, Martin. I've covered those in my notes. One thing that occurred to me a couple of days ago was being given speech training for over three years from the age of 6/7 on the grounds that my teachers couldn't understand my thick Lancastrian accent. Looking back on it, that explanation makes no sense to me because I was 3 when we moved to London and my parents/grandparents were from different parts of England, none with thick accents. 

Recollections of early childhood such as: liking to be alone, taking things said in jest literally, not calling at other children's houses to play (even if they came to yours), not liking parties, not replying to questions asked by adults that you did not know well or having to be prompted by a parent to answer, anxiety about school etc. all these sorts of things are useful pointers to autism in childhood.

[removed by mod] there needs to be some indication of autistic traits in early childhood, but your own recollections should be valid to cover this requirement. I had periods of selective mutism after starting infant school, which seemed to be all that was required for my diagnosis.

Bunny, that's really sweet of you and very helpful to others, but I doubt my childhood records would tell me much because (a) we're talking about the 50s and early 60s, when attitudus were very different (b) I suspect (looking back in the light of what I've learnt) that my parents were autistic and they shied away from authority and (c) my physical health in childhood dominated everything. About the one intersection might be my disastrous two terms at boarding school which must have produced sufficient stress for my parents to override the usual advice of "give her time to adjust" to get me out of there and into the local school. But I was never interviewed and my mother's behaviour would be more likely to have stimulated notes about her than about me.

I think I will have to take my chances.

I know that some other people here have talked about their own childhood recollections having been accepted.

My assessors did get input from my parents, and from my school reports, but I have a terrible memory myself and can't remember much at all from my childhood. So I asked my GP for my full medical records, to see if there was anything useful there. 

They were helpful both in helping me to remember various things, and in containing evidence themselves (for example, of sensory sensitivity as a child, to an extent that prevented me from being examined properly).

For me, it was important to get copies of my full records for me to review myself, because I knew what kinds of things I was looking for (being armed with a good understanding of autism).

My GP surgery had initially misunderstood my records request, and someone there had gone through them and - based on their more limited understanding - sent me copies only of things that related to my mental health issues.

Info for accessing them in Scotland, in case you'd like to do the same:

NHS Inform (Scotland) - Health Records > Accessing your health records

Thanks, Bunny. There's nothing documentary from childhood at all except exam certificates. I've already gone through the various categories and matched things I remember to them across my life. Regretfully for me, that exercise closely resembles the internal job application process at work, which, of course, raises anxieties. Still, I can work through that. 

Yeah, imposter syndrome is a pain. I realised today that I can easily find reasons to discard an autism assessment and despaired at theis self-defeating cycle. My post is my attempt to get past that. :)

I remember how I had to psych myself up to make that GP appointment, back in 2019, to broach the subject of autism and request a referral. So what you're feeling is totally normal. (The only hurdles I had to face on my journal were mostly bureaucratic and of course COVID-19 put a spanner in the works, but I eventually got transferred to a private provider to get my diagnosis in 2022.)

From what you've written, Alexa, it sounds like you mostly have anecdotal evidence to bring to an initial consultation. If you have any documentary evidence from childhood, that would help, but don't be put off as it sounds like you have enough to at least justify some further exploration.

I'm sorry to hear about the health authority situation where you are.  But well done for not being put off!

Ultimately, it sounds to me like you just want some clarity and understanding of yourself. And that is a good thing.

I was terrified before my assessment that I'd be told I wasn't actually autistic at all, and end up back where I'd started with even more self-doubt. I'm glad I persevered, even if the only thing I've gained is better understanding of myself. I'd be lying if I said I was 'fixed', rather I'm more able to spot when I'm getting stressed and anxious and stop myself from spiralling.

Good luck!

You might find it helpful to compare the traits that you've already identified with those detailed in these resources, and to note down any additional things that you recognise in yourself:

NAS - What is autism?

NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic - includes over 60 signs.

There's also some advice here, from the diagnosis hub:

NAS - What can I do while waiting for an autism assessment?

NAS - Criteria and tools used in an autism assessment

Just by way of a kindly-intended forewarning, I'm sorry to say that the imposter feeling that you mentioned can return (and recur) even after diagnosis. You might find these resources helpful on that front:

NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes an example of someone else discussing their experience of imposter syndrome. 

Psychology Today - Why do I feel like an imposter after my autism diagnosis? - 6 ways to overcome imposter syndrome after a later-in-life autism diagnosis

Authentically Emily - Autistic imposter syndrome