what have I overlooked before seeking an assessment?

When it dawned on me, a few years ago, that I might be ND, I voiced my thoughts to a friend. She was was studying educationa psychology and had a low-masking ex and son. She told me I couldn't be autistic because I wrote novels that deomonstrated understanding of people and that I couldn't be ADHD because I'd taken aphetamines in my youth and been affected by them. As I put a lot of trust in the few close friends I have, I stopped thinking about it. However, lately I've been unable to ignore it and mentioned to my closest friend about ADHD. Now, she's probably ND herself and her husband has strong autistic traits... but the last thing I expected was for her to suggest I look at autism first.

Now, once I'd researched, I agreed with her. I've done the AQ50 and a couple of other tests and couldn't believe my score. I told myself I'd cheated - it's easy to do, having studied theoretical and applied psychology and taken a number of tests over the years. I tried to be honest and, to tell the truth, more and more of my past was surfacing into a new light. All the reasons for doing things in a certain way - the strict use of towels and bedding in a certain order, as a tiny example - were looking increasingly like excuses disguising a more primitive need. The problem was - I'm in a health authority (in Scotland) which has closed the door on most autism assessments and won't assess for ADHD. And besides, I'm 72, female and high masking, coping highly successfully until a major burn out after retirement swept my feet from under me for 6 years. I hav no family alive who knew me as a child, and those childhood friends are long gone from my life.

I have picked someone for a private assessment, but I'm stuck on the threshold of making an appointment for that intial, exploratory telephone call. I'm telling myself that I haven't researched enough, or there's too much material and I won't remember it, or that I'm a fraud/ too marginal to bother - or any reason. I think I need to do this in order to get over the imposter feeling, but taking that first step rouses all my anxiety. What should I do before booking anything? What have I overlooked?

Parents
  • You might find it helpful to compare the traits that you've already identified with those detailed in these resources, and to note down any additional things that you recognise in yourself:

    NAS - What is autism?

    NAS - Signs that a child or adult may be autistic - includes over 60 signs.

    There's also some advice here, from the diagnosis hub:

    NAS - What can I do while waiting for an autism assessment?

    NAS - Criteria and tools used in an autism assessment

    Just by way of a kindly-intended forewarning, I'm sorry to say that the imposter feeling that you mentioned can return (and recur) even after diagnosis. You might find these resources helpful on that front:

    NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes an example of someone else discussing their experience of imposter syndrome. 

    Psychology Today - Why do I feel like an imposter after my autism diagnosis? - 6 ways to overcome imposter syndrome after a later-in-life autism diagnosis

    Authentically Emily - Autistic imposter syndrome

  • Thanks, Bunny. There's nothing documentary from childhood at all except exam certificates. I've already gone through the various categories and matched things I remember to them across my life. Regretfully for me, that exercise closely resembles the internal job application process at work, which, of course, raises anxieties. Still, I can work through that. 

    Yeah, imposter syndrome is a pain. I realised today that I can easily find reasons to discard an autism assessment and despaired at theis self-defeating cycle. My post is my attempt to get past that. :)

  • I know that some other people here have talked about their own childhood recollections having been accepted.

    My assessors did get input from my parents, and from my school reports, but I have a terrible memory myself and can't remember much at all from my childhood. So I asked my GP for my full medical records, to see if there was anything useful there. 

    They were helpful both in helping me to remember various things, and in containing evidence themselves (for example, of sensory sensitivity as a child, to an extent that prevented me from being examined properly).

    For me, it was important to get copies of my full records for me to review myself, because I knew what kinds of things I was looking for (being armed with a good understanding of autism).

    My GP surgery had initially misunderstood my records request, and someone there had gone through them and - based on their more limited understanding - sent me copies only of things that related to my mental health issues.

    Info for accessing them in Scotland, in case you'd like to do the same:

    NHS Inform (Scotland) - Health Records > Accessing your health records

  • Pleas take care not to offer medical advice.  Always seek professional advice for these matters.

    Thanks

    Suzanne Mod

  • Thanks for sharing this. 

    The "what happene"d may be important too!

  • My mother told me it was because my teachers couldn't understand me and it was because of my accent. My mother was generally unreliable thus either or both of those statements could be untrue. I took it as the truth and never asked about it again. So, all I'm left with (as so often) is what happened, rather than what I was told.

  • Hello Again Alexa, 

    I have been puzzling about your speech training comment and the reason you where given. I agree with you, it doesn't make much sense. Just out of interest, who was it who told you this?  I fully appreciate you might not want wish to say. Quite understood.

    I know now that I was told things that were simplified, diluted/distorted versions, etc. of something that I was too young to understand. Of course, the parents rarely ever upgrade the information as you get older.  

    So, I can imagine parents perhaps telling a child that the reason for speech training was because the teachers were having the problem when it was the child having the problem? 

    Just a very small thought.
    Oscar    

  • Thanks, Martin. I've covered those in my notes. One thing that occurred to me a couple of days ago was being given speech training for over three years from the age of 6/7 on the grounds that my teachers couldn't understand my thick Lancastrian accent. Looking back on it, that explanation makes no sense to me because I was 3 when we moved to London and my parents/grandparents were from different parts of England, none with thick accents. 

  • Recollections of early childhood such as: liking to be alone, taking things said in jest literally, not calling at other children's houses to play (even if they came to yours), not liking parties, not replying to questions asked by adults that you did not know well or having to be prompted by a parent to answer, anxiety about school etc. all these sorts of things are useful pointers to autism in childhood.

    [removed by mod] there needs to be some indication of autistic traits in early childhood, but your own recollections should be valid to cover this requirement. I had periods of selective mutism after starting infant school, which seemed to be all that was required for my diagnosis.

Reply
  • Recollections of early childhood such as: liking to be alone, taking things said in jest literally, not calling at other children's houses to play (even if they came to yours), not liking parties, not replying to questions asked by adults that you did not know well or having to be prompted by a parent to answer, anxiety about school etc. all these sorts of things are useful pointers to autism in childhood.

    [removed by mod] there needs to be some indication of autistic traits in early childhood, but your own recollections should be valid to cover this requirement. I had periods of selective mutism after starting infant school, which seemed to be all that was required for my diagnosis.

Children
  • Pleas take care not to offer medical advice.  Always seek professional advice for these matters.

    Thanks

    Suzanne Mod

  • Thanks for sharing this. 

    The "what happene"d may be important too!

  • My mother told me it was because my teachers couldn't understand me and it was because of my accent. My mother was generally unreliable thus either or both of those statements could be untrue. I took it as the truth and never asked about it again. So, all I'm left with (as so often) is what happened, rather than what I was told.

  • Hello Again Alexa, 

    I have been puzzling about your speech training comment and the reason you where given. I agree with you, it doesn't make much sense. Just out of interest, who was it who told you this?  I fully appreciate you might not want wish to say. Quite understood.

    I know now that I was told things that were simplified, diluted/distorted versions, etc. of something that I was too young to understand. Of course, the parents rarely ever upgrade the information as you get older.  

    So, I can imagine parents perhaps telling a child that the reason for speech training was because the teachers were having the problem when it was the child having the problem? 

    Just a very small thought.
    Oscar    

  • Thanks, Martin. I've covered those in my notes. One thing that occurred to me a couple of days ago was being given speech training for over three years from the age of 6/7 on the grounds that my teachers couldn't understand my thick Lancastrian accent. Looking back on it, that explanation makes no sense to me because I was 3 when we moved to London and my parents/grandparents were from different parts of England, none with thick accents.