Hi - I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this.
One of the hardest parts of being autistic for me is that I have so much information and so many thoughts in my head, but I can't always get them out quickly enough. By the time I've worked out how to explain something, the conversation has often moved on, or people have lost patience with me. It can be really frustrating because I know what I want to say, it just doesn't come out at the same speed.
Recently, I've had several important people in my life, including bosses and directors, tell me things like, "You need to stop talking," or, "Now isn't the time." I understand that sometimes there are appropriate times for discussions, but the way it's been said has left me feeling like I'm being told to just be quiet.
It makes me feel like a child who's being silenced rather than an adult who's simply trying to communicate. I find it really patronising and invalidating, especially when I'm already putting so much effort into expressing myself. It leaves me questioning whether people are listening to what I'm saying or just wishing I'd stop talking.
I also find social situations exhausting. Noisy places make it difficult to concentrate on conversations, and trying to keep up with everything that's happening, while also masking, leaves me completely drained afterwards.
Something else I struggle with is that people often don't believe I'm autistic because I'm intelligent or because I don't fit their idea of what autism "looks like." Even if I'm wearing my autism lanyard or badges, or I tell someone, "Sorry, I'm autistic," I still get comments like, "You don't seem autistic." It's really disheartening because autism doesn't have one look, and being intelligent doesn't make someone any less autistic.
I think people underestimate how much effort goes into socialising. Interpreting conversations, reading body language, dealing with sensory overload, trying to respond in the "right" way, and worrying about saying the wrong thing all happen at once. It can become overwhelming very quickly.
I'd really like to know if anyone else experiences this, especially feeling like your brain is full of information but your mouth can't keep up, or feeling like people lose patience because it takes you longer to process and explain things.