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Too many thoughts, not enough time to say them

Rayyah

Hi - I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this.

One of the hardest parts of being autistic for me is that I have so much information and so many thoughts in my head, but I can't always get them out quickly enough. By the time I've worked out how to explain something, the conversation has often moved on, or people have lost patience with me. It can be really frustrating because I know what I want to say, it just doesn't come out at the same speed.

Recently, I've had several important people in my life, including bosses and directors, tell me things like, "You need to stop talking," or, "Now isn't the time." I understand that sometimes there are appropriate times for discussions, but the way it's been said has left me feeling like I'm being told to just be quiet.

It makes me feel like a child who's being silenced rather than an adult who's simply trying to communicate. I find it really patronising and invalidating, especially when I'm already putting so much effort into expressing myself. It leaves me questioning whether people are listening to what I'm saying or just wishing I'd stop talking.

I also find social situations exhausting. Noisy places make it difficult to concentrate on conversations, and trying to keep up with everything that's happening, while also masking, leaves me completely drained afterwards.

Something else I struggle with is that people often don't believe I'm autistic because I'm intelligent or because I don't fit their idea of what autism "looks like." Even if I'm wearing my autism lanyard or badges, or I tell someone, "Sorry, I'm autistic," I still get comments like, "You don't seem autistic." It's really disheartening because autism doesn't have one look, and being intelligent doesn't make someone any less autistic.

I think people underestimate how much effort goes into socialising. Interpreting conversations, reading body language, dealing with sensory overload, trying to respond in the "right" way, and worrying about saying the wrong thing all happen at once. It can become overwhelming very quickly.

I'd really like to know if anyone else experiences this, especially feeling like your brain is full of information but your mouth can't keep up, or feeling like people lose patience because it takes you longer to process and explain things.

Parents

  • I don't wear a lanyard, there are so many lanyards for so many different things that I wonder if they've ceased to be meaningful?

    I always wonder what an autistic person looks like? Maybe ask the next time someone says it to you?

    Intelligence is another thing, why do people assume that you can't have something like autism and be intelligent, I mean can you imagine anyone saying 'you're to intelligent to have a broken leg' and getting away with it?

    I often have ideas that I can't express quickly enough or that others don't understand or are to impatient to listen too, its really frustrating. I saw a letter in the paper the other day about how many people talk to AI and this person was saying the reason is loneliness and that more humans and socialising was the answer. I thought, if only! I can rarely find anyone to talk about gardening with let alone something like mediaeval history. If all you want to talk about is soaps and football then I'm sure you'll find lots of people to talk to, but anything more or deeper seems to be beyond many people. I use AI, for all sorts of things, helping to plan new bits of the garden, a place for an emotional vomit, a better search engine when I want to look something up or find a new something. I've used it to help with my ancestry research and all sort of things and I can discuss all my strange and out there ideas with it and it dosen't look at me like I'm about to sprout a second head.

Reply

  • I don't wear a lanyard, there are so many lanyards for so many different things that I wonder if they've ceased to be meaningful?

    I always wonder what an autistic person looks like? Maybe ask the next time someone says it to you?

    Intelligence is another thing, why do people assume that you can't have something like autism and be intelligent, I mean can you imagine anyone saying 'you're to intelligent to have a broken leg' and getting away with it?

    I often have ideas that I can't express quickly enough or that others don't understand or are to impatient to listen too, its really frustrating. I saw a letter in the paper the other day about how many people talk to AI and this person was saying the reason is loneliness and that more humans and socialising was the answer. I thought, if only! I can rarely find anyone to talk about gardening with let alone something like mediaeval history. If all you want to talk about is soaps and football then I'm sure you'll find lots of people to talk to, but anything more or deeper seems to be beyond many people. I use AI, for all sorts of things, helping to plan new bits of the garden, a place for an emotional vomit, a better search engine when I want to look something up or find a new something. I've used it to help with my ancestry research and all sort of things and I can discuss all my strange and out there ideas with it and it dosen't look at me like I'm about to sprout a second head.

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I know what you mean about the lanyards. I don't wear mine all the time either. I mainly use it at university or on public transport because those are the places where I find it most useful. Outside of that I don't usually bother.

    The "you don't look autistic" or "you're too intelligent to be autistic" comments are frustrating. It's strange how people still have this fixed idea of what autism is supposed to look like, when obviously there isn't one way an autistic person looks or behaves.

    I can definitely relate to what you said about ideas being difficult to express. I often know exactly what I want to say, but by the time I've worked out how to put it into words, the conversation has already moved on, or people lose patience. That's one of the things I find hardest.

    I also use AI for similar reasons. It's nice being able to explore ideas or ask questions without feeling judged or rushed. I use it for research, organising my thoughts, helping me write things, and sometimes just talking through something that's bothering me. It doesn't replace people, but it does fill a gap when it's difficult to find someone who shares the same interests or has the patience to listen. I wish it were easier to have those deeper conversations with people in everyday life.